All Hat No Cattle

Thursday, March 5, 2020

Trump's coronavirus musings put scientists on edge

Trump's coronavirus musings put scientists on edge
President Donald Trump is using his metaphorical black Sharpie to draw his own mental map of the spiraling coronavirus crisis — vastly...

Combover Caligula has literally tweeted about 'Mini Mike' more than he's tweeted about Coronavirus, in case you're wondering why the stock market keeps diving. - John Fugelsang

From the Governor of Washington state

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

Just to keep things in perspective, last year an epidemic killed over 37,000 Americans. The epidemic is called gun violence. And there is already a cure. - Andy Borowitz

Question: What The Hell Is Wrong With Facebook?
Answer: Zuckerberg LOVES The Ad Dollars.
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) on Thursday slammed Facebook for allowing President Trump's reelection campaign to run misleading advertisements about the census.
In more than a thousand ads running on the Facebook pages of Trump and Vice President Pence, the campaign is urging supporters to fill out an "Official 2020 Congressional District Census." The link attached to the post redirects users to the Trump campaign website, where they are asked to take a survey, then make a donation.

They should have just named it the Obamavirus, then Trump would have instantly marshaled all the forces of the US Government to eradicate it. - Noel Casler

Republican Shenanigans

My takeaway from this mornings news is that Republicans can say whatever they want about judges but Democrats have restrictions. - Adam Parkhomenko

Republicans & Putin Feel The Bern!
Republican lawmakers are surprised and disappointed by the results of Super Tuesday, which firmly re-established former Vice President Joe Biden as the front-runner for the Democratic presidential nomination and dealt Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.) a major setback.

If Donald Trump plans to attack Hunter Biden, I say bring it on. I’m all for a robust discussion about the corrupt practice of nepotism. - Andy Borowitz

"Whatever one's religion in his private life may be, for the officeholder, nothing takes precedence over his oath to uphold the Constitution and all its parts - including the First Amendment and the strict separation of church and state." ~John F. Kennedy, 1958

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Warren Bows Out, No Endorsement, Yet,
Sen. Elizabeth Warren announced Thursday the end of her campaign for the presidency after a poor showing on Super Tuesday that included a third-place finish in her home state of Massachusetts.

It took Liz Warren suspending her campaign for the media to really start acknowledging her candidacy. - OhNoSheTwint

Rock The Voter News

Joe Biden responds to Bernie Sanders saying his campaign is heavily supported by the corporate establishment: “It’s ridiculous. Bernie, you got beat by overwhelming support I have from the African American community.”

"Whoa, you don’t screw around with a Philly girl, I’ll tell you what."
Former Vice President Joe Biden on Wednesday night joked that his presidential campaign may soon need Secret Service protection because people are worried his wife, Jill Biden, is going to "hurt someone" after an incident involving protesters at a victory speech on Super Tuesday.
“I’m probably the only candidate running for president whose wife is my Secret Service,” Biden joked while speaking at a fundraiser in California. “Whoa, you don’t screw around with a Philly girl, I’ll tell you what.”

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Business/Tech News

My vote for the stock market condition: Bipolar. Anyone else? - Jimmie von Tungeln

The Dixie Chicks Are Back!
It took about 14 years, but we finally have a new song from the Dixie Chicks.
On Wednesday, the groundbreaking country music trio dropped a new single called “Gaslighter” — also the name of their upcoming studio album that will be released on May 1 — and, as you probably assumed, they did not hold back.

This weekend, don't forget to set your clocks ahead for one less hour of Donald Trump. - Middle Age Riot

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I'd Rather You Laugh Than Cry

Wednesday, March 4, 2020

Stocks rise at Biden victories, central banks calm anxious investors

Stocks rise at Biden victories, central banks calm anxious investors
Stocks on Wednesday boasted solid gains after a string of major Democratic primary victories for former Vice President Joe Biden and a flood of global central bank stimulus.

Tuesday’s results are stunning. Biden won many states without ANY campaign spending. This is not "rigged," sorry, Bros, it's called democracy. - Frank Schaeffer

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

Trump Screams At Pence For Not Praying Hard Enough To Make Biden Lose. - Andy Borowitz

What Are They Hiding Now? Trump Bans Press From Using Audio or Video During Coronavirus Briefings.
Five days after the Trump administration promised to be “aggressively transparent” about its response to the coronavirus outbreak, the White House ignited backlash and condemnation after it banned the press from any audio or video recording of its latest briefing on the public health crisis.

The best way for the White House to keep Americans from panicking about the Coronavirus is to stop putting Mike Pence on television. - Andy Borowitz

Republican Shenanigans

If I were Donald Trump, I'd be worried that people are willing to stand in line for seven hours to choose my opponent. - Middle Age Riot

Raise Your Glass That This Biden Investigation Is As Successful As Benghazi!
Just hours after Joe Biden surged to the top of the Democratic presidential pack, Senate Republicans announced a new phase of their investigation targeting the former vice president and his son Hunter.
Senate Homeland Security Committee Chairman Ron Johnson (R-Wis.) told reporters on Wednesday that he is likely to release an interim report within one to two months on his panel’s probe of Hunter Biden’s ties to a Ukrainian gas company, Burisma.

White House On Lockdown After Television Hurled Through Window. - Andy Borowitz

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Many online Bernie supporters truly never realized candidates were going to drop out at some point and Bernie would need their support. - The Hoarse Whisperer

Rock The Voter News

Secret Service Protection Suggested For Biden and Sanders
The former press secretary for President Obama on Wednesday called for the Secret Service to protect Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.) and former Vice President Joe Biden after protesters rushed Biden’s stage Tuesday night.

Michael Bloomberg is out after spending $500,000,000 to win American Samoa.
To put that in perspective, that's about 75% of the entire GDP of American Samoa. - Nick Jack Pappas

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Business/Tech News

There is not a liberal America and a conservative America - there is the United States of America. - Barack Obama

Can Twitter Make Trump's Tweets Disappear?
Twitter may join Snapchat and Instagram and soon have social media posts that disappear.
The social network said Wednesday it is testing a new feature for tweets that last 24 hours before vanishing — an idea the company is calling “fleets,” as in fleeting tweets, and that echoes the popular “stories” features on Snapchat, Instagram and Facebook.

Yeah, no, sorry. Not gonna do "My Corona." - Al Yankovic

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I'd Rather You Laugh Than Cry

Tuesday, March 3, 2020

Happy Super Tuesday

Super Tuesday heralds an epic Democratic Party clash
It’s Bernie’s revolutionary zeal pit against Biden’s calls for restoration.

Democrats are throwing their support to a Democrat. This is an outrage. - Kona Lowell

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

If you’re happy and you know it... wash your hands. - Dan Rather

At Least It's Not The Andromeda Strain
Up to a million people could be tested for coronavirus by the end of week, the FDA said Monday, as cases across the US rose to more than 100 and health officials warned that the number will keep climbing.
Cases of the virus have now been reported in 12 states -- the majority of them in California and Washington state, where six people have died.
About a quarter of the current cases were likely transmitted through US communities, officials have said, meaning they were not travel-related.

I was at a hospital where there were a few #coronavirus patients and I shook hands with everybody. - Boris Johnson, Prime Minister of the UK

REPORT: Outbreak of idiocy spreading 10,000 times faster than the coronavirus. - TheBeaverton.com

Republican Shenanigans

NEW: Right now there is a caravan of Hunter Bidens forming on the Mexico/US Border.

Developing. - YS tweet

The Biden Bounce
Late-breaking polls of Super Tuesday states show former Vice President Joe Biden making big gains following his decisive victory in South Carolina and a flood of endorsements from former rivals eager to stop Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.).

Whether you choose to accept it or not, America is now a effectively a fascist dictatorship. The American voters are the Allied Forces ready to storm the beaches of our electoral Normandy and take our country back from a despotic, white nationalist regime. - Tea Pain

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Trump is the third president to be impeached and the first president who, after being impeached, doesn’t know how impeachment works. - Windsor Mann tweet

Rock The Voter News

President Trump has sent more tweets in 2020 about "Mini Mike" (44) than Coronavirus (33), and that includes retweets. - Tamara Keith, NPR

I Have Always Called This Show: SPITBALL
In light of Chris Matthews’ sudden retirement announcement from his longtime MSNBC’s program Hardball, Twitter responded with admiration and criticism for the host.
Matthews, who made an abrupt retirement announcement Monday night on the network stating, “After conversations with MSNBC, I decided tonight would be my last Hardball.”

All I want from these coronavirus updates is some reassurance that all the rich people are going to be OK. - Rex Huppke

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Business/Tech News

A lot of cheap flights right now, and part of me thinks, if im going to get the coronavirus, I might as well get it in a deeply discounted 5 star hotel in Venice. - Ben Dreyfus

Federal Reserve Announces Cut: Stock Market Drops Like A Rock
The Federal Reserve announced today that it is cutting interest rates by half a percentage point, an emergency move designed to bolster the U.S. economy amid risks posed by the coronavirus outbreak.
"The fundamentals of the U.S. economy remain strong," the Fed's rate-setting committee said in a statement on the cut, which is twice the size of the central bank's typical rate moves, signaling a strong desire to reassure markets. "However, the coronavirus poses evolving risks to economic activity."

I think my uber driver has colognavirus. - Blaine Capatch

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I'd Rather You Laugh Than Cry