Happy New Year Everybody!
The first sunrise of 2020 at my casita.
Peace.
To protesters chanting "death to America" in Baghdad:
Sorry. Donald Trump beat you to it. - Middle Age Riot
Maybe it's just me but I feel like impeached presidents shouldn't have access to nuclear weapons - Alt Fed Employee
Young people who support Trump should be henceforth referred to as Melanials. - Stonekettle
One day he's gonna set up a direct deposit from the federal reserve into one of his failing hotels and then 51 senators will simultaneously mutter "I'm deeply concerned" and then we'll move on to the next thing. - Mike Birbiglia
My 13 year old son was attacked for being white and a Donald Trump supporter. And I'll f--king do it again. - Bud
On the final day of 2019, the US embassy in Baghdad is under siege as Trump is recklessly tweeting fuel onto the fire from the golf course, historically destructive and record-breaking fires are out of control in Australia, and “it’s ok to be white” is trending on Twitter. - Brian Klaas
I just "Okay Boomered" a police officer. Did not go well. - Conan O'Brien
It would be nice to have a president who wanted to protect our planet, who wanted to protect us from Russia and North Korea. Someone who is good to our allies and fortified our relationships with them, instead of destroying all of the above. Here’s to 2020. Don’t lose hope. - Chelsea Handler
People who use the Bible to justify their support of Donald Trump are descendants of people who used the Bible to justify slavery, so it's a family tradition. - Middle Age Riot
‘New York Times’ Offers To Disclose Whistleblower Identity To Readers Who Subscribe In Next 24 Hours. - The Onion
GOP Lawmakers Watch Silently As Trump Strangles Each Of Their Loved Ones In Turn. - The Onion
Gaslighting is telling the world that the First Lady speaks six languages fluently when no one has heard her speak even one intelligibly. - Fred Harding
71% of Americans, including 64% of Republicans, want Trump’s aides to testify in the Senate impeachment trial. I might be high, but that looks like a majority to me. - Chelsea Handler
2012 Twitter: what idiot called it iced coffee & not cool beans lol
2019 Twitter: I have an open wound but don’t have health insurance until next month, anyone know if saran wrap will work. - SortaBad tweet
I love how red states express their hatred of blue states with no awareness that they are subsidized by them. - Bradley Whitford
“If only these pancakes were more stressful to eat” -the Inventor of Waffles - Conan O'Brien