All Hat No Cattle

Wednesday, December 18, 2019

'THIS IS AN ASSAULT ON AMERICA': Trump Seethes as Impeachment Vote Nears

'THIS IS AN ASSAULT ON AMERICA': Trump Seethes as Impeachment Vote Nears
President Donald Trump slammed the impeachment attempt against him as “an assault on America, and an assault on the Republican Party,” in a Twitter post, Wednesday.
“SUCH ATROCIOUS LIES BY THE RADICAL LEFT, DO NOTHING DEMOCRATS,” posted Trump in all-caps. “THIS IS AN ASSAULT ON AMERICA, AND AN ASSAULT ON THE REPUBLICAN PARTY!!!!”

Far as I can tell, Democrats are talking about facts while Republicans are talking about impeaching Obama, calling FDR in for questions and comparing Trump to Christ.

Nation’s Criminals Demand That Their Trials Have No Witnesses Either. - Andy Borowitz

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

Remember - impeaching a president for bribing & shaking down an ally and obstructing the investigation IS NOT PARTISAN.

It's constitutional.

It's defending him that's partisan. - John Fugelsang

Round and Round He Goes, Where Rudy Stops, Nobody Knows
A Ukrainian oligarch under indictment for bribery in the U.S., whose success in the natural resources and raw materials sectors was apparently “built on remarkable sweetheart deals brokered by associates of Russian leader Vladimir Putin,” deposited $1 million into an account belonging to the wife of indicted Rudy Giuliani associate Lev Parnas through Swiss attorney Ralph Isenegger, prosecutors with the Southern District of New York (SDNY) alleged Tuesday.

Republican Shenanigans

Giuliani Still Pushing Ukraine Claims Is Like If Bill Clinton Was 'Dating on the Town' Mid-Impeachment. - Jake Tapper

Another One Sorta Bites The Dust
Rick Gates, the former deputy chairman of President Donald Trump's 2016 campaign, was sentenced Tuesday to three years probation and 45 days in jail, to be served on weekends. He was also sentenced to pay a $20,000 fine.

Trump Accuses Clinton of Deliberately Losing Election So He Could Be Impeached. - Andy Borowitz

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Rock The Voter News

Nunes Accidentally Reads GOP Talking Points on Impeachment In Original Russian. - Andy Borowitz

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Business/Tech News

Poll Finds 54% Of Americans Approve Executing Trump But Leaving Him In Office. - The Onion

I Don't Think I'd Buy US Pork After Reading This...
2 federal inspectors warn that U.S. pork will soon be “mystery” meat with feces, sex organs, toenails, bladders & unwanted hair after the Trump admin. rolled back inspection rules for pork. They say they won't even eat meat processed by their own employer.

Don’t forget who to tip & how this holiday! Mail carriers can accept small gifts < $20. Tip hairstylists what you’d regularly pay for a cut. And if you’re the President, tip foreign countries $400 million for dirt on a political rival. - Bette Midler

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Tuesday, December 17, 2019

Giuliani on Yovanovitch: ‘I Forced Her Out Because She’s Corrupt’

Giuliani on Yovanovitch: ‘I Forced Her Out Because She’s Corrupt’
Rudy Giuliani was recently in Ukraine, and tonight he appeared on Fox News to talk with Laura Ingraham about his push to get Marie Yovanovitch ousted as U.S. ambassador to Ukraine.
Giuliani admitted to the New Yorker, “I believed that I needed Yovanovitch out of the way. She was going to make the investigations difficult for everybody.”

Rudy Colludy and Trump sound like New York mobsters.

Giuliani’s admission today that got Ambassador Yovanovitch fired in order to more easily enlist the State Dept in Trump’s crimes is just confirmation of the obvious.
But his shamelessness is a reminder that the corruption is ongoing.
It never stopped. - Sen. Chris Murphy

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

Imagine if Republicans hated school shootings as much as they hate people who say happy holidays. - OhNoSheTwint

Meanwhile, Putin Is Taunting the U.S. East Coast
A Russian spy ship is conducting “erratic maneuvers” while operating off the southeast coast of the United States, officials told CNN.
According to the officials, the surveillance ship, the Viktor Leonov, has been present along the coast of South Carolina and Florida over the past few days, CNN reported early Tuesday.

I’m at the car wash and a very old limo driver is having a very loud conversation into his Bluetooth repeating a litany of Fox News talking points. “Did they pay for the wall yet?” At the car wash. In Los Angeles. - Schooley tweet

Republican Shenanigans

TRUMP: I did crimes!

MULVANEY: we all did crimes!

GIULIANI: we’re doing crimes right now!

MEDIA: will dems be punished for speaking out against crime - Jake Mccoby

Is Trump Hoping Trichinosis Will Make A Comeback?
America's food inspectors are warning that "unsafe" pork is likely making it to consumers under a change in rules for meat inspection.
That change is now set to roll out nationwide to plants that process more than 90 percent of the pork Americans eat.

Guys I'm starting to suspect that the green-card trophy wife who married the president for his money, recoils at his touch, never smiles in his presence, refuses to share his bed and sits in her room, waiting to become a wealthy widow isn't really serious about fighting bullying - Jeff Tiedrich

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Rock The Voter News

The entire Giuliani/Trump farce is at that point where someone in the movie says, "Hold on, let's just see where this goes." - Schooley tweet

Somebody Is Going To Get Hurt
Supporters of President Donald Trump sowed chaos at a town hall event held by House Intelligence Committee Chairman Adam Schiff over the weekend, screaming anti-impeachment screeds, accusations of “treason,” and getting into loud altercations with other attendees. Someone got called a “fucking asshole.”

Whatever happened to WWJD?? Has it been replaced with WWTD? - Susan Shorr

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STUDY: Millions of taxpayer dollars could be save by impeaching Pence at the same time. - Andy Borowitz

Business/Tech News

Justice Gorsuch going on Fox and Friends is a terrible look for the Supreme Court. Chief Justice Roberts should step in for the good of the court. - Joe Lockhart

POLL: Trump Beats All Democratic Rivals
President Donald Trump, the first modern president to face impeachment during his first term in the White House, now leads his top Democratic rivals in his bid for a second, a new USA TODAY/Suffolk University Poll finds.
The national survey, taken as the House of Representatives planned an impeachment vote and the Senate a trial, showed Trump defeating former Vice President Joe Biden by 3 percentage points, Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders by 5 points, and Massachusetts Sen. Elizabeth Warren by 8 points.

Greta, you need to relax and act like a kid! Go play with your friends in the glare of the scorching hell sun! - Conan O'Brien

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Monday, December 16, 2019

House Impeachment Report Accuses Trump of Federal Crimes: Bribery, Wire Fraud in Abuse of Power

House Impeachment Report Accuses Trump of Federal Crimes: Bribery, Wire Fraud in Abuse of Power
The House Judiciary Committee has released its full report on the articles of impeachment they voted to approve against President Donald Trump. House Democrats are pursuing charges of obstruction of Congress and abuse of power, but the Judiciary Report goes deeper on the latter by folding in accusations of Trump’s bribery and wire fraud.

“I see the news every day and I shake my head,” Nixon said, the infernal flames of Hades licking his jowls. “This makes Watergate look like jaywalking.” - Andy Borowitz

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

Children are dying in concentration camps of the flu and doctors with flu shots are not allowed in to help but I'm sure the baby Jesus would be super happy because people are saying Merry Christmas still. - Alt Fed Employee

Obama Gives Thumbs Up To Female Leaders
Former President Obama said at a recent event that he believes women are “indisputably better” leaders than men and confidently predicted that people would see a global improvement if every nation was led by a woman.

Fox News Condemns 2020 Election As Partisan Witch Hunt Orchestrated By Democrats To Unseat President - The Onion

Republican Shenanigans

Waiting for Republicans to do the right thing on impeachment is like waiting for a cat to make you an omelet. - Middle Age Riot

Will Trump Debate?
President Trump on Monday hammered the Commission on Presidential Debates, raising questions about his participation in debates next year with the eventual Democratic presidential nominee.
The president, in a trio of tweets, said he looked forward to debating "whoever the lucky person is who stumbles across the finish line" in the Democratic primary.

The clear lesson from Boris Johnson and Trump: voters do not like brushed hair. - Conan O'Brien

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Rock The Voter News

If there really is another Civil War because of Trump, I vote we let the red states succeed this time.

Reporter Gets Soda Dumped on Head by Commissioner's Wife
The wife of a Chattooga County, Georgia, commissioner has been arrested after dumping a soda on a reporter’s head at a Friday meeting, according to The Washington Post.
Abbey Winters dumped the drink on AllOnGeorgia reporter Casie Bryant’s head before the meeting could begin, after which she reportedly said “You deserve that,” according to the Post, citing witnesses and the police report. She has been charged with simple battery and disorderly conduct.
Bryant stood up and left the room without a word following the incident.

To the men and women of DOJ/FBI: stay strong, keep the faith, be true to the oath you have sworn, be secure in the knowledge that you have the support of the American people. The era of Trump and Barr will pass-their slander, insults and lies will end. We respect & believe in you. - Eric Holder

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The House Judiciary Committee report on impeachment is like the Bible:
Republicans will never read it, but will still pretend to know what it says. - Middle Age Riot

Business/Tech News

Imagine having a passport that allows you to move freely between, live in and work in 28 countries, including many of the worlds most affluent, with excellent free health care and social services wherever you go & voting to tear that passport up and be stranded on an island. - Philip Gourevitch