All Hat No Cattle

Tuesday, October 8, 2019

Sondland, key witness in Ukraine probe, blocked from testimony in midnight call

Sondland, key witness in Ukraine probe, blocked from testimony in midnight call
The State Department waited until 12:30 a.m. on Tuesday to tell U.S. Ambassador Gordon Sondland not to show up for his scheduled deposition with three House committees later that morning, the ambassador’s lawyer told Yahoo News.

Kurds Apparently Unable To Dig Up Dirt On Biden. - Andy Borowitz

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

Trump tweeted about his "great and unmatched wisdom" yesterday prompting comparisons to The Wizard of Oz. But I don't think that's true because the Wizard had everyone fooled for about an hour and forty-five minutes. - Bette Midler

Televangelist Pat Robertson Somehow Is Acting Like A Christian
Televangelist Pat Robertson has joined the chorus of conservative critics lambasting President Donald Trump’s decision to pull U.S. forces out of Northern Syria — endangering America’s Kurdish allies...“To say he’s an ally of America is nonsense. He’s in for himself,” said the 700 Club host. “The President, who allowed [Jamal] Khashoggi to be cut in pieces without any repercussions whatsoever, is now allowing the Christians and the Kurds to be massacred by the Turks.

If we are no longer going to be in Syria and helping the Kurds, does the military budget get reduced?? Can I get my money back?? - irishrygirl

Republican Shenanigans

Fox News turned 23, which makes them officially too old for Trump to be interested. - John Fugelsang

Sean Spicer Is Mixed Up In The Ukraine Debacle. Figures.
Former Trump officials and campaign advisers for Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky reportedly met at Trump International Hotel months before the July phone call between the leaders that is now at the center of a whistleblower complaint.
Zelensky's campaign advisers had dinner on April 16 with Mike Rubino, a former Trump campaign adviser and former representative in the Department of Health and Human Services, and Matt Mowers, a former State Department member, CNBC reported. Former White House press secretary Sean Spicer also made a short appearance.

God, I'm tired of hearing how Republicans privately want to get rid of Trump but won't say so publicly for fear he'll ruin them with a tweet. If you're that big a pussy, you have no business in public service. - David Lazarus

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Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner made so much money the past two years, while working at the White House, they could buy a million Hunter Bidens. - Jeremy Newberger

Rock The Voter News

Remember when Obama said, "I would love to send Hillary Clinton to testify about Benghazi, but unfortunately she would be testifying before a kangaroo court run by fanatical Republicans who believe in conspiracy theories cooked up by Alex Jones, so... no."

Good times. - Stonekettle

Trump needs a good hard kick in the ass. It might smarten him up. - Stephen King

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Kamala Harris Undergoes Heart Surgery After Seeing Positive Reception For Sanders . - The Onion

Business/Tech News

Every American has the right to voice their support for democracy and human rights for Hong Kong. Full stop. - Hillary Clinton tweet

He Is A Very Very Good Dick
Dick's Sporting Goods has destroyed $5 million of the chain's gun inventory, its CEO said.
After finding out that Dick's had sold the Parkland shooter a shotgun, CEO Edward Stack decided last year the company would no longer sell firearm to anyone under 21. Dick's announced it would destroy its inventory of weapons, rather than allow them to be sold by another retailer.

Trump sends National Guard to His Account's office. - Andy Borowitz

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FALL FUNDRAISER

Monday, October 7, 2019

Erdogan says U.S. troops started withdrawal from northeast Syria after Trump call

Erdogan says U.S. troops started withdrawal from northeast Syria after Trump call
Turkish President Tayyip Erdogan said on Monday that U.S. troops had started to withdraw from parts of northeast Syria after his phone call with U.S. President Donald Trump, adding that talks between Turkish and U.S. officials on the matter would continue.

Let us be clear: The president has sided with authoritarian leaders of Turkey and Russia over our loyal allies and America’s own interests. His decision is a sickening betrayal both of the Kurds and his oath of office. - Hillary Clinton

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

The president keeps behaving like Vladimir Putin has something on him but I’m sure it’s just a coincidence. - Molly Jong-Fast

Meanwhile, North Korea Rains on Trump's Parade
It's up to Washington to alter its approach if it wants more talks with North Korea, Pyongyang's chief nuclear negotiator said Monday after weekend discussions between the sides broke down amid acrimony. Kim Myong Gil made the remarks at Beijing's airport on his way back to North Korea following talks with his U.S. counterpart, Stephen Biegun, on Saturday that Kim described as "very bad and sickening."

In Soviet America, President impeach YOU! - Stonekettle

Whistle Blower Hotline Says Due To High Volume Wait Times May Be Extremely Long|. Andy Borowitz

Republican Shenanigans

PREDICTION: This will be the most insane week of the Trump presidency.

(Note: This is next week's prediction also.)

(Sub note: And the week after that.) - Tea Pain

Do you think Putin is mad at Trump for cheating on him with another country? - Conan O'Brien

Moscow Mitch Laughs at Impeachment
When Antonin Scalia died in 2016, many politicians weren’t sure how to react to a Supreme Court vacancy in an election year.
Not Mitch McConnell. The Republican Senate Majority Leader waited about an hour after Scalia’s death to say he would block then-President Barack Obama’s nominee, and Senate Republicans united behind him.
Now, however, the Senate leader from Kentucky is playing his cards closer to the vest in the early days of the Trump impeachment saga.
He has made one statement describing the impeachment effort as “laughable” but has otherwise said little publicly. He has certainly not given any clear marching orders to fellow Republicans like he did after Scalia’s sudden death.

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The only way Trump could destroy the Turkish economy would be to run it like one of his businesses.- The Hoarse Whisperer

Rock The Voter News

President Jimmy Carter is a Nobel-wining peacemaker who didn't dodge military service, works with his hands, serves the poor, created more jobs per year than Reagan & GW Bush combined and is still with his 1st wife.

Or as Trump calls it, 'loser.' - John Fugelsang

Our next president is going to have to go on one fuck of an apology tour. - Jeff Tiedrich

Give a Standing Ovation for the University of Connecticut!
Students whose families make $50,000 or less a year will receive free tuition at UConn beginning next fall, the university’s new president said Friday.
The financial aid program, known as the Connecticut Commitment, will be available to all undergraduate freshmen and transfer students on all campuses and in all majors.

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-Saddam gassed the Kurds; Reagan kept arming him.

-Bush Sr. promised we'd support Kurds if they fought Saddam, then let them be slaughtered.

-Trump took credit for Kurds defeating ISIS, now pulls out of Syria so they can be slaughtered by Turkey.

-And today is Putin's birthday. - John Fugelsang

Business/Tech News

"MY WISDOM IS GREAT AND UNMATCHED!" shouts Trump as he runs through the West Wing with a soup pot on his head and falls down a flight of stairs with his pants around his ankles. - Jeff Tiedrich

It's Official: Trump's Tariffs are Paid By Consumers
Goldman Sachs said the cost of tariffs imposed by President Donald Trump last year against Chinese goods has fallen “entirely” on American businesses and households, with a greater impact on consumer prices than previously expected.

I auditioned to be the Old Spice guy and one thing led to another, anyway I'm now the new face of Old Bay seasoning. - Conan O'Brien

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FALL FUNDRAISER

Friday, October 4, 2019

Trump tries out new defenses as damaging Ukraine evidence piles up

Trump tries out new defenses as damaging Ukraine evidence piles up
The president claims he had an 'obligation' to seek out foreign leaders' help.

Trump has finally landed on a defense, he was "fighting corruption."Only took him 10 days and 20 tries to finally settle on one. - Woman In The Moon tweet

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

this presidency is like if dick cheney shot someone in the face every day for three years and no one did anything. - mith tweet

But what if Ukraine doesn't find Biden guilty? Do they have to give the $400 million back?
Ukraine's Prosecutor General said on Friday that his office is reviewing several cases related to the owner of a gas company where former Vice President Joe Biden's son sat on the board, as part of a review of all the criminal cases closed by his predecessors.

We've now gone from 'I am not a crook' to 'a crook is not a crook.' - John Fugelsang

Republican Shenanigans

Can you imagine how Trump will meltdown when Democrats call for his feckless daughter and her high pitched husband to be investigated for what they’ve done WHILE working in the White House? This mtherfucker acts like he’s got a Sasha and Malia instead of a Bonnie & Clyde... - Cyrus McQueen

The Dumbfather

Barr Is A Dirty Rotten Scoundrel.
The Manhattan district attorney’s office pushed back Thursday against the Justice Department’s intervention in its effort to obtain President Donald Trump’s tax returns, saying DOJ only wants to delay the matter.

By all appearances, the President’s brazen and unprecedented appeal to China and to Ukraine to investigate Joe Biden is wrong and appalling. - Mitt Romney

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I refuse to sign my organ donor card until I get some kind of guarantee that no part of my body will ever be used to keep Donald Trump alive. - Middle Age Riot

Rock The Voter News

Dems should publicly ask Iran for any dirt on Trump? see what GOP response is? - Eric Boehlert

War on Women Continues...
The U.S. Supreme Court has jumped headlong back into the abortion wars. The court said Friday that it will hear arguments in a case from Louisiana that is nearly identical to a Texas case decided by the court three years ago.
Like the Texas law that the court previously struck down, the Louisiana law requires any doctor performing an abortion to have admitting privileges at a nearby hospital; it also requires that clinics that provide abortions be, in effect, mini-hospitals, with everything from wide corridors to expensive equipment.

Your reminder that when Roe v Wade is overturned, the deciding vote will be cast by the guy who was so blackout drunk all through prep school and college that he can't remember how many he assaulted, named to the bench by the guy who bragged on tape that he loves to assault women. - Jeff Tiedrich

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Business/Tech News

While trying to deny he wanted a moat at the border, Trump called it a “moot.” If, instead of all the campaigning & debates, we’d simply had a 2nd grade spelling test, we might not be where we are now. - Bette Midler

Distract & Delay is Trump's M.O.
President Trump demanded on Friday that the full House must vote on Democrats' impeachment inquiry, arguing that he needn't further comply with Congress' requests until it does.

“The first method for estimating the intelligence of a ruler is to look at the men he has around him...A man who is used to acting in one way never changes; he must come to ruin when the times, in changing, no longer are in harmony with his ways.” - Niccolo Machiavelli

Library of Congress cafeteria