All Hat No Cattle

Tuesday, July 3, 2018

Grab Ye AK 47s For The Civil War Tomorrow!

Letters from the 'front' on Twitter mock prediction of second Civil War on July 4
Welcome to the Second Civil War.
Alex Jones, the host of the conspiracy theory-loving InfoWars website, on Sunday warned readers of an insidious Democratic plot to ignite a second Civil War on Independence Day.

Dearest Wife: As I write this, the red caps are advancing, vulgarities at hand, ready to regale us with the superiority of the white race. All we have is wit to defend us from the onslaught. Fear not, their leaders seem in disarray. We shall prevail. #secondcivilwarletters

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

“My darling Eleanor,

It is with a sense of relief that I write to you today. A few hours ago we were stopped by MAGA troops while smuggling books into Alabama. Luckily none of the MAGA soldiers could *prove* they were books, and so they let us go free.”#SecondCivilWarLetters

Trump Blames Canada For Tit-for-Tat Tariffs
The White House said on Monday that Canada's decision to enact tariffs on C$16.6 billion ($12.63 billion) worth of American goods in retaliation for U.S. tariffs on imports of Canadian steel and aluminum would not help its economy.

Trump is such an aggressively inept bozo of a criminal that if he hadn't been born into obscene wealth, right now he'd be on an episode of Cops, drunk and with his shirt half off. - Jeff Tiedrich

Republican Shenanigans

Dearest Agatha,
May this letter find you well.
The Red Hats entered the field of battle astride their mobility scooters.
We tipped them over forthwith.
"I have fallen and cannot make America great again," cried out a liver spotted Red Hat.
#secondcivilwarletters

Hey AK 47 Owners, You Are Outgunned
You could get burned if you upset the Chinese government.
Researchers in the country have reportedly developed a prototype laser assault rifle with similar dimensions to an AK-47, according to South China Morning Post.
The ZKZM-500 can reportedly set a person on fire using lasers. From 800 metres (about half a mile) away or less

Guys all this incivility towards Scott Pruitt, Sarah Huckabee Sanders and Alan Dershowitz is making it harder for me to enjoy rising gas prices, rising health care premiums, children stolen from their moms and the "For Sale" sign on the White House lawn. - John Fugelsang

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If men had to get spayed for causing an unwanted pregnancy, there’d be a whole lot less opposition to abortion. The Hoarse Whisperer

Rock The Voter News

Dear Mother, We are hunkered down near Mar-a-Lago Plantation and supplies are running short. My brethren are tired but in good spirits, as we have heard a joint Canadian-Mexican Freedom Force is on its way with bullets, poutine and tequila. Pray for us. #SecondCivilWarLetters

A Republican That Should Resign But Probably Won't
Rep. Jim Jordan, the powerful Republican congressman from Ohio, is being accused by former wrestlers he coached more than two decades ago at Ohio State University of failing to stop the team doctor from molesting them and other students.

No one could have predicted that the party of Nazis, child molesters, wife beaters and baby kidnappers would also be the party of Jim Jordan turning a blind eye to boys being sexually assaulted on his watch. - Jeff Tiedrich

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Business/Tech News

Can’t believe it’s Civil War Eve already. - Roland Scahill

Oh No, Where Will The Boycotters Shop?
Supporters of President Trump on Monday launched a boycott against Walmart after it was discovered the superstore was selling apparel promoting Trump's impeachment.

Please take a Second on the Third to pick up a Fifth for the Fourth.This has been my yearly Public Service Announcement. - Anthony

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Thank you!

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Odd News

Time To Deflate Photo

Moray is an archaeological site in Peru on a high plateau at about 3,500 metres. The site contains unusual Inca ruins, mostly consisting of several terraced circular depressions.
The purpose of these depressions is uncertain, but their depth, design, and orientation with respect to wind and sun creates a temperature difference of as much as 15 °C (27 °F) between the top and the bottom.
I can only imagine hearing the echoes off of all those mountain tops from one of those depressions..

Peace.

Monday, July 2, 2018

Families charged steep fees to transport children from migrant shelters

Families charged steep fees to transport children from migrant shelters: report
Families are being charged high fees and forced to deal with various bureaucratic hurdles to transport children from migrant shelters, according to a report from The New York Times.

If undocumented corporations came across the border at least America would treat them like people - John Fugelsang

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

Yup. Trump and Putin are meeting in Finland next month. Which is more appropriate than you’d think, since if these two keep up their romance, we are all finnish. - Bette Midler

Jared Kushner Screens Call For Trump AND...
A comedian says he spoke with President Trump by phone after posing as a senator and that the call was patched through while the president was aboard Air Force One.
The White House declined to discuss the incident

So Justice Kennedy’s son worked at Deutsche Bank and got #TheDonald $1 billion in loans when no other bank would lend him a dime. This time someone else disrobed and #Trump got paid. - Bette Midler

Republican Shenanigans

Sure, Trump wants to kick people out of America without due process. But look on the bright side: without due process, it's not really America anymore! - Stephen Colbert

The First Lady of the United States of America Sold Her Images To Getty For Positive Coverage
First lady Melania Trump reportedly earned between $100,000 and $1 million in royalties from Getty Images in 2017 for the use of photos that under a licensing agreement could only be used in "positive coverage," according to a report

If Trump had spent more time in the poker rooms of his failed casinos, he’d know that if you look around the table and can't tell who the sucker is ... it's you.- goldengateblond

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Rock The Voter News

Now I imagine Maxine Waters being shot at by some MAGA guy then catching the bullet with her teeth. - Tony Posnanski

What A Tease Michael Cohen Is
After once boasting he would "take a bullet" for Donald Trump, the president's longtime personal lawyer and fixer Michael Cohen fired a possible warning shot toward the White House, saying he now puts "family and country first."

How many of the 154 mass shootings in America this year were perpetrated by illegal immigrants? I’ll wait. - OhNoSheTwint

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Business/Tech News

But if Harley Davidson goes away, how will retired dentists in my neighborhood wake me up on Saturdays? - Stephen Colbert

Trump Is Getting His Message Out To Refugees
A 7-year-old girl was reunited with her mom after nearly two months in immigration detention. The mom's message to other mothers: If you're thinking of claiming asylum, find another country: "The laws here are harsh. And people don't have hearts," she said

Does it help the environment if I drink vodka out of a reusable water bottle? - Conan O'Brien

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It's hard hard work but someone's gotta do it!

Friday, June 29, 2018

They are shooting the messengers

Suspect in Maryland newspaper rampage denied bail
A man with a long grudge against Maryland's capital-city newspaper was ordered held in jail Friday on five counts of first-degree murder after police said he blasted his way into the newsroom with a pump-action shotgun, killing five people in one of the deadliest attacks on journalists in U.S. history.

I'm so glad we have a travel ban in place to protect us from the terrorists.

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

Have never felt continual, daily dread about my country before. I wake up with it, go to sleep with it. It’s exhausting.- Michael Ian Black

More Collateral Damage Of Saying The Press Is The Enemy Of The People
Novelist and Miami Herald columnist Carl Hiaasen’s brother was among those killed Thursday in a newsroom shooting in Annapolis, Maryland, his family confirmed.

No One Can Or Will Listen To You, Pentecostal Pence
Vice President Mike Pence had a strong message for the leaders of Guatemala, Honduras and El Salvador, telling them to stem the flow of illegal immigrants across the southern border.

I know it makes no difference to Trump's base, and they believe that the intelligence community is a malicious conspiracy against the Donald, but every American intel agency agrees that Russia meddled in the elections. I just feel it's necessary to say that for the 5000th time. - Rick Wilson

Republican Shenanigans

Let’s all say it together. “The President of the United States is the subject of two criminal investigations.”- Tea Pain

The Man Who Made Fun Of Trump's Tiny 3rd Leg Whines About F Word After Shootings
Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL) responded to the massacre of five journalists at an Annapolis newspaper by whining about civility — and he was quickly drowned in profanity.

Let me explain it to you, Marco. Having a senator who spends his fu**ing time moonlighting as a media critic while journalists are being shot, calls for cursing. ¡Coño! - Ana Navarro

If men could get pregnant not only would abortion be legal, Donald Trump would be bragging over how many 3rd trimesters he'd had. - John Fugelsang

Why the loosened tie during a congressional hearing, Trey?

Republicans Try To Strong Arm Dept. of Justice. This Won't End Well.
The Republican-controlled House made an unprecedented demand for secret Justice Department documents Thursday as an increasingly ugly dispute over special counsel Robert Mueller's Russia investigation burst into full public view.

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http://www.cwblogsite.com/

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That swamp is so mucking deep. The next president will need to be Noah.

Rock The Voter News

I don't believe #Trump cares one iota about abortion, nor would I be surprised to find out he owns stock in a coat-hanger factory. - Bette Midler

Barack Obama’s message to Democrats: Stop dreaming of him.
Speaking at a Democratic National Committee fundraiser Thursday in the lush backyard of two Beverly Hills megadonors, Obama warned of a country and world on the brink — “you are right to be concerned,” he told the crowd — but said they’d flub their chance to change that if they kept pining for a magical savior.

House Republicans grilled FBI agent Peter Strzok for 11 hours yesterday & found nothing. No smoking gun, no secret agenda. Nothing. - Sen. Richard Blumenthal (D-CT)

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Business/Tech News

Racist illiterate reality show clown who ran for President and came in second & literally doesn't know the 3 branches of government seeks to withdraw US from World Trade Organization and only a globalist cuck would point out that's exactly what Putin wants. - John Fugelsang

DOJ Cracks Down On Healthcare Fraud
The U.S. Justice Department on Thursday announced charges against 601 people including doctors for taking part in healthcare frauds that resulted in over $2 billion in losses and contributed to the nation’s opioid epidemic in some cases.

Timothy: Keep the faith in something bigger than ourselves.

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Tuesday, July 3, 2018

Grab Ye AK 47s For The Civil War Tomorrow!

Monday, July 2, 2018

Families charged steep fees to transport children from migrant shelters

Friday, June 29, 2018

They are shooting the messengers

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