Tuesday, July 3, 2018

Grab Ye AK 47s For The Civil War Tomorrow!

Letters from the 'front' on Twitter mock prediction of second Civil War on July 4
Welcome to the Second Civil War.
Alex Jones, the host of the conspiracy theory-loving InfoWars website, on Sunday warned readers of an insidious Democratic plot to ignite a second Civil War on Independence Day.

Dearest Wife: As I write this, the red caps are advancing, vulgarities at hand, ready to regale us with the superiority of the white race. All we have is wit to defend us from the onslaught. Fear not, their leaders seem in disarray. We shall prevail. #secondcivilwarletters

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam Trump

“My darling Eleanor, 
It is with a sense of relief that I write to you today. A few hours ago we were stopped by MAGA troops while smuggling books into Alabama. Luckily none of the MAGA soldiers could *prove* they were books, and so they let us go free.”#SecondCivilWarLetters

Trump Blames Canada For Tit-for-Tat Tariffs
The White House said on Monday that Canada's decision to enact tariffs on C$16.6 billion ($12.63 billion) worth of American goods in retaliation for U.S. tariffs on imports of Canadian steel and aluminum would not help its economy.

Trump is such an aggressively inept bozo of a criminal that if he hadn't been born into obscene wealth, right now he'd be on an episode of Cops, drunk and with his shirt half off. - Jeff Tiedrich

Republican Shenanigans

Dearest Agatha,
May this letter find you well.
The Red Hats entered the field of battle astride their mobility scooters.
We tipped them over forthwith.
"I have fallen and cannot make America great again," cried out a liver spotted Red Hat.

Hey AK 47 Owners, You Are Outgunned
You could get burned if you upset the Chinese government.
Researchers in the country have reportedly developed a prototype laser assault rifle with similar dimensions to an AK-47, according to South China Morning Post. 
The ZKZM-500 can reportedly set a person on fire using lasers. From 800 metres (about half a mile) away or less

Guys all this incivility towards Scott Pruitt, Sarah Huckabee Sanders and Alan Dershowitz is making it harder for me to enjoy rising gas prices, rising health care premiums, children stolen from their moms and the "For Sale" sign on the White House lawn. - John Fugelsang


 Click here to meet C.W.


If men had to get spayed for causing an unwanted pregnancy, there’d be a whole lot less opposition to abortion. The Hoarse Whisperer

Rock The Voter News

Dear Mother, We are hunkered down near Mar-a-Lago Plantation and supplies are running short. My brethren are tired but in good spirits, as we have heard a joint Canadian-Mexican Freedom Force is on its way with bullets, poutine and tequila. Pray for us. #SecondCivilWarLetters

A Republican That Should Resign But Probably Won't
Rep. Jim Jordan, the powerful Republican congressman from Ohio, is being accused by former wrestlers he coached more than two decades ago at Ohio State University of failing to stop the team doctor from molesting them and other students.

No one could have predicted that the party of Nazis, child molesters, wife beaters and baby kidnappers would also be the party of Jim Jordan turning a blind eye to boys being sexually assaulted on his watch. - Jeff Tiedrich


 Click here to visit Wattensaw Press



Business/Tech News

Can’t believe it’s Civil War Eve already. - Roland Scahill

 Oh No, Where Will The Boycotters Shop?
Supporters of President Trump on Monday launched a boycott against Walmart after it was discovered the superstore was selling apparel promoting Trump's impeachment.

Please take a Second on the Third to pick up a Fifth for the Fourth.This has been my yearly Public Service Announcement. - Anthony


Thank you!


Odd News

Time To Deflate Photo

Moray is an archaeological site in Peru on a high plateau at about 3,500 metres. The site contains unusual Inca ruins, mostly consisting of several terraced circular depressions.
The purpose of these depressions is uncertain, but their depth, design, and orientation with respect to wind and sun creates a temperature difference of as much as 15 °C (27 °F) between the top and the bottom.
I can only imagine hearing the echoes off of all those mountain tops from one of those depressions..


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