Tuesday, April 10, 2018

This is the best season of "The Apprentice"

FBI raid targeted records of payments to porn star, ex-Playmate
The FBI raid on President Donald Trump's personal attorney Michael Cohen sought information that included payments allegedly made to keep women silent about affairs with Trump more than a decade ago.

Does Trump realize that the NY AG who approved the warrant on Cohen is the very person who he personally interviewed, gave him the position, donated the max to his campaign and is a REPUBLICAN?


When Trump is put on house arrest, is he going to have to stay at the White House or Mar-a-Lago?- Tim Hanlon





The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam Trump

Overheard: MAGA apparently stands for "My Attorney's Getting Arrested."- George Takei





Innocent People Don't Whine Or Lie, Sarah
White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders on Tuesday insisted that the investigations into President Donald Trump’s campaign and acquaintances had “gone too far.”







Trump sends National Guard to his accountant's office. - Andy Borowitz






“If a mysterious virus suddenly started killing eight of our children every day, America would mobilize teams of doctors and public health officials. We would move heaven and earth until we found a way to protect our children. But not with gun violence.” - Se. Elizabeth Warren


Republican Shenanigans

Kim Jong-un Says He Will Meet with Whoever is U.S. President in May. - Andy Borowitz







Republicans Lied About Tax Cuts. Again.
The massive tax cuts signed into law in December, which Republicans said would pay for themselves, will balloon the U.S. deficit in years ahead, the Congressional Budget Office said on Monday, possibly hobbling President Donald Trump’s future agenda.






He's Cohen down... or am I Russian to judgment? Is it an optical collusion or just Watergate under the bridge? Is he dis-Putin all the allegations? Is he in t-Ruble? - Tyler Gorash





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'It's Over, You F*cker,' Nixon Tells Trump from Hell. - Andy Borowitz





Rock The Voter News

Ever notice that when you don't want to pay to educate poor kids you always end up paying to incarcerate poor dropouts? - John Fugelsang






Here's A Pussy That Trump Should Grab
Senate Democrats have obtained internal Environmental Protection Agency documents they say show no evidence of specific, credible, physical threats against Administrator Scott Pruitt.
Pruitt's staff cited death threats to rebut criticism of Pruitt flying in first-class airline seats and a full-time security detail of 20 armed officers.






THANK GOD WE DON'T HAVE HILLARY AND ALL HER DRAMA, AMIRITE???!?!?!!- Rex Huppke




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Business/Tech News

If there was another country in the world where cops killed people at rate they do in America, State Dept. would advise you not to go there. - Richard Hine






I Wish There Was A Ben & Jerry's Near Me In Costa Rica. I Scream For Ice Cream.
Ice cream enthusiasts are in for some free sweet treats on April 10 thanks to Ben & Jerry’s annual Free Cone Day.
From 12 p.m. and 8 p.m. on Tuesday, Ben & Jerry’s scoop shops around the world will give away free ice cream to customers on its 40th annual Free Cone Day.








“We act insane, because if we didn't, we would most surely become insane."
―Hawkeye Pierce in MASH




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Miss Manners Updates Place Setting


Odd News


Time To Deflate Photo

A mother Toucan feeding her baby a red M&M.

Peace.


Monday, April 9, 2018

Trump's lawyer is in deep trouble

SEARCHED AND SEIZED: F.B.I. RAIDS MICHAEL COHEN’S NEW YORK HOTEL
Law enforcement agents spent several hours at the Loews Regency hotel on Monday morning as they executed a search warrant against the president’s personal lawyer. Cohen’s attorney said they were referred by Robert Mueller.


Trump’s lawyer’s lawyer’s lawyer is gonna need a lawyer. - Rex Huppke





John Kelly must have Trump in a headlock right now to keep him from rage-tweeting about Michael Cohen. - Jeff Tiedrich


The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam Trump

Do you think we are all gonna have PTSD after Trump? - Mayday Mindy






Trump Criticizes Putin!
President Trump harshly condemned Syria and Russia for a suspected chemical attack.
Trump vowed both leaders would play a "big price" for the death toll.







Today is John Bolton's first day as Trump's national security advisor. You have about 7 hours left to dig your fallout shelter. - Jeff Tiedrich





Republican Shenanigans

I thought it might be nice to start the show on a positive note with a special message from a special man, the host of “The 700 Club,” Mr. Pat Robertson, with a thought for the day: “There’s nothing in the Bible about mermaids. I think they're kind of half-fish and half-women. I don't think that such a creature exists.” Well, thanks, Pat. I'm glad you finally cleared the mermaid controversy up.- Jimmy Kimmel






Wow. No Sprinkler System In Trump Tower. A Man Died And Six Injured. Isn't That Illegal?
The apartment destroyed by a raging fire in New York's Trump Tower that killed a resident and injured six firefighters had no sprinkler system, authorities said. Firefighters remained at the scene Sunday, cleaning up after the blaze and trying to determine its cause. The fire broke out shortly after 5 p.m.


Trump got his wish, he killed someone on Fifth Avenue yesterday. - ItsMeCathi tweet







Spinner Spinning Manafort
Longtime Trump ally Roger Stone suggested that special counsel Robert Mueller is wasting his time investigating and charging former Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort, claiming he'll never plead guilty to the charges leveled against him. In a wide-ranging interview with CBS Miami, Stone called Manafort "feisty and combative" adding that he's "not going to roll over on this president."



Outraged ppl screaming that Scott Pruitt is too corrupt to run the EPA don't seem to realize that Scott Pruitt was hired exclusively to corrupt the EPA.  - John Fugelsang





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Imagine if Hillary owned a gaudy tower in NYC and never installed sprinklers and there was a fire and someone died. Fox News would be losing its mind...Congressmen would be falling all over each other in a mad dash to hold hearings. - Jeff Tiedrich


Rock The Voter News





I have South In Mah Mouth
Jeff Sessions Continues The 24th Year Of Investigating Hillary Clinton For Something
The Justice Department will appoint a U.S. attorney to oversee the release of documents related to the FBI’s 2016 investigation of Hillary Clinton amid Republican complaints — including from President Donald Trump — that the DOJ is slow-walking their release.






Hillary said that when Putin heard Angela Merkel was scared of dogs, he brought one to a meeting with her. Which explains why at his next meeting with Trump, Putin will bring a treadmill.- Jimmy Fallon




FACT: Hillary Clinton’s lawyer’s office was not raided today. - Kaivon Shroff

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Business/Tech News

Ten bucks says Eric Trump's job is to sit in a basement buying up all the cheapened stocks every time his dad publicly attacks another US business. - John Fugelsang






The Whole Lot Of Them Are Bullies
After the Harvard Lampoon humor magazine pranked then-candidate Donald Trump, Trump's lawyer. Michael Cohen,  allegedly called up Harvard student Tom Waddick and said he would have him expelled.




This place will not be a good place for any of us to live in unless we make it a good place for all of us to live in. -Theodore Roosevelt





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Odd News


Time To Deflate Photo

General Lee surrendered to General Grant, Appomattox, today 1865. A more accurate painting would have shown General Lee with mud  covering his uniform and boots.

Peace.


Friday, April 6, 2018

Another win for Trump!

Trump says he didn't know about payment to Stormy Daniels
President Trump said Thursday that he did not know his personal lawyer had made a $130,000 payment days before the 2016 presidential election to a pornographic movie actress who had accused Trump of engaging in a consensual affair.
Asked whether he was aware of the payment to Stormy Daniels, Trump offered a one-word response: “No.” He spoke during an Air Force One flight from an event in West Virginia to Washington.



I do hope Trump can get in some golf this weekend. He deserves a break after a hard week spent misunderstanding how the Post Office works, misunderstanding how trade wars work, and leading our country to glorious victory over an imaginary caravan full of imaginary Guatemalans.- Jeff Tiedrich






The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam Trump

Mexico agrees to pay for Trump's psychiatric care. - Andy Borowitz






Life After Presidential Power:
TODAY:
1. Pres. Lula de Silva of Brazil begins prison term of 12 Years.
2. Pres. Jacob Zuma Of South Africa is appearing in Court to be charged with 16 Counts Of Corruption.
3. Pres. Park Geun-hye Of South Korea is jailed for 24 Yrs for Corruption.
- Donald B Kipkorir


Mueller is collecting Seychelles at the seashore.
Mueller Connects Mercenary Mogul To Putin In The Seychelles Of All Places! This Is Going To Make A Great Movie.
Special Counsel Robert Mueller has obtained evidence that calls into question Congressional testimony given by Trump supporter and Blackwater founder Erik Prince last year, when he described a meeting in Seychelles with a Russian financier close to Vladimir Putin as a casual chance encounter “over a beer,” sources tell ABC News.



This meme is one year old.

God created war so that Americans would learn geography.- Mark Twain


Republican Shenanigans





The ultimate justice will be if Bob Mueller extends the same compassion to Trump that Trump extends to others.- Tea Pain




A Conservative Survivor Of The Parkland Massacre Meets With NRA Collaborator 
A conservative survivor of the Parkland, Fla., school shooting in February that killed 17 people says Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas assured him the Second Amendment "won't be touched" amid renewed debate on gun control.







Hahahahhahahaha. Trump To Meet With Evangelicals
Several Evangelical Christian leaders are planning a sit-down with President Trump in June over allegations that his lawyer paid an adult film star $130,000 in 2016 for her silence about an alleged affair with Trump.




Hey kids. I'm in my 60s. You've never lived in an America where the rich paid their fair share. I have. Let me tell you what that was like:
* We built new schools
* We built new highways
* We cut the poverty rate
* We lead the world in technology
* WE WENT TO THE F*CKING MOON
-Jeff Tiedrich




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Yes, John (Yosemite Sam) Bolton is the new National Security advisor, even though Trump hates his mustache. Probably because tickles when John’s kissing his ass. - Bette Midler


Rock The Voter News





Did you get any orders? Nope, but I'll call Ivanka, she'll know.
The Pentagon Has No F*cking Idea About Border Deployment
A day after President Donald Trump authorized his administration to work with governors on deploying the National Guard to help secure the southern border, the Pentagon had few answers Thursday about how the call-up would take place or how many Guardsmen could be involved.



Canadians Planning to Swarm Over Northern Border While National Guard Not Looking - Andy Borowitz




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Business/Tech News

Instead of sending the National Guard to the Mexican border, I think Blabbermouth Don should send them to fix up Puerto Rico. - Stephen King





Zuckerberg Deletes His Facebook Messages To Recipients
Thursday night, tech news website TechCrunch reported that messages from Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg had conspicuously disappeared from recipients’ inboxes.
The next day, Facebook explained this is not a bug or a coverup — but rather a new feature it plans to roll out to all users in the future.





''He who opens а school door, closes а prison.'' - Victor Hugo






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Odd News


Time To Deflate Photo
The Stairway to Heaven. Oahu. Hawaii.

Peace.