Friday, March 23, 2018

Stop the world I want to get off

On Thursday, Donald Trump replaced a man who built the case for war with North Korea as a last resort with a man who just made the case for war with North Korea as more of a first resort. Trump announced that National-Security Adviser H.R. McMaster will be succeeded by John Bolton, the George W. Bush-era United Nations ambassador who has advocated for U.S. military action to prevent Saddam Hussein, Ayatollah Khamenei, and most recently Kim Jong Un from amassing weapons of mass destruction.


Soon the government will be Fox News and Fox News will be the government and we will huddle for warmth beneath the trees we call our homes.
Happy Friday, everyone! - Rex Huppke



The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam Trump

Kim Jong Un Sets Meeting with Trump for April First - Andy Borowitz


Trump Won't Tweet About This!
The hacker Guccifer 2.0, who claimed responsibility for providing WikiLeaks with the stolen Democratic National Committee emails, has been identified as an officer of Russia’s main intelligence directorate, or GRU, according to a new report.





In Show of Loyalty, Bolton Offers Mustache to Cover Trump’s Bald Spot- Andy Borowitz


Republican Shenanigans





Data Mining With Duck Dynasty! Thanks Facebook!
Leaked document reveals how Cambridge Analytica used Duck Dynasty and Politico to sway Facebook users to Trump.A former employee shared a 27-page internal document produced by officials who worked most closely on President Donald Trump’s presidential campaign, and it serves as a blueprint for the strategy Cambridge Analytica used on a variety of social media platforms .





“Mueller said I was the most innocent person he’d ever come across, and maybe in history,” Trump said. - Andy Borowitz






Our Children Are Now Acting Like The Adults Should. I Love These Kids.
They can’t buy a beer or rent a car and most aren’t even old enough to vote, yet the students from Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School have spearheaded what could become one of the largest marches in history with nearly 1 million people expected in Washington and more than 800 sister marches from California to Japan.






A few kids from Florida have put together a march for millions of people across the world this weekend. 
My son left the house this morning with his shoes on the wrong feet. - Andy Lassner







We are the only civilized country that allows citizens easy access to military grade weapons. 
This is why we lead the world in mass shootings.
It isn't rocket science, it is common sense.


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Rock The Voter News



I hope every editor who had the opportunity to kill yet another Hillary's Emails story, and decided instead to print it, looks at themselves in the mirror tonight and understands the role they played in igniting John Bolton's wars. - Ian Millhiser



This is worth a repeat of the New York Times' assault on Hillary




Trump Wants A Line-Item Veto!
President Trump on Friday asked Congress to provide him with a line-item veto on spending bills, as he signed a $1.3 trillion omnibus spending package that includes provisions he doesn't like.





7 mos after Sandusky arrested for molesting 30 boys the NCAA fined Penn State 60 million & imposed massive penalties. It’s been 19 months since Nassar’s arrest for molesting 100’s of girls. NCAA has taken 0 action against Michigan State.  That’s misogyny and it’s wrong.- John Manly

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Business/Tech News

Trump Supporters Excited to Pay More for Chinese Goods at Walmart - Andy Borowitz






EU Nations to Take More Action Against Russia Over Spy
Several European Union countries say they may follow Britain in expelling Russian diplomats over the poisoning of a former spy, as EU chief Donald Tusk predicted member states would take more measures against Moscow starting next week.





She died as she lived: entering her 357th password guess into an online form. - Kashana




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Odd News


Time To Deflate Photo

The Pillars of Creation. Photo: Hubble 1995. What an incredible universe that we live in. I hope you enjoy some of it this weekend.

Peace.



Thursday, March 22, 2018

John Dowd quits as Trump's lead lawyer in special counsel Mueller's Russia probe

John Dowd quits as Trump's lead lawyer in special counsel Mueller's Russia probe
John Dowd resigned Thursday as President Donald Trump's lead attorney in the special counsel Robert Mueller's probe into Russian meddling in the 2016 election.
"I love the president and wish him well," Dowd told NBC News.


Establishing relationships with friendly foreign leaders is important for Trump right now, because he needs to build a network of countries he can flee to when the time comes.- Jimmy Kimmel




The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam Trump

When asked today if the Russian election was free and fair, White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said, quote, "We're focused on our elections. We don't get to dictate how other countries operate." "Ha, ha! Good one," said Iraq.- Seth Myers







Trolling, trolling, trolling down the river...
Democrat Calls For Hearing On Russian Twitter Trolls
U.S. Sen. Tammy Baldwin called for a hearing Wednesday as new cases emerged of Russian Twitter trolls using racially charged incidents to foment tension in Wisconsin and around the country.
The news events spread by fake Russian accounts on social media ranged from the 2015 police shooting of a Madison teenager to a case days before the 2016 presidential election in which a fan at a University of Wisconsin Badgers game came dressed as then President Barack Obama with a noose around his neck.






Speaking of Trump's lawyers, Trump has hired a new attorney for his defense team. Trump's newest legal counsel is a man named Joseph diGenova, who has frequently and vocally pushed the conspiracy theory that the FBI is plotting to frame the president. Now, I personally don't think any of that is true. But let's hope so!- James Corden





Republican Shenanigans

First daughter Ivanka visited Iowa yesterday, where she visited a science facility to promote the president's infrastructure proposal. Ivanka has been getting some heat for tweeting a picture of herself dressed like Science Barbie. Just like a real Barbie, she has no scientific credentials, and the space where her heart should be is a hollow plastic shell.- Stephen Colbert



"HEY KID, WANT TO BE MY LAWYER?" - Jeff Tiedrich



Longtime Fox contributor Ralph Peters has quit the network, calling it a "propaganda machine," according to a report in What the F*ck Took You So Long Magazine. - Andy Borowitz






No Government Shutdown! But A $1.3 Trillion Spending Spree!
The House easily passed a $1.3 trillion spending package on Thursday, sending legislation to the Senate that would prevent a shutdown and deliver the largest federal spending increase in years.
Lawmakers approved the bill in a 256-167 vote on Thursday, with majorities in each caucus backing the measure. Ninety Republicans and 77 Democrats voted against the bill.





A former Playboy Playmate named Karen McDougal says she had an affair with Trump and now she's suing him. You know things are crazy when you hear the president is being sued by a porn star and people go, "Which one?" - Jimmy Fallon





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Wow, when I read about Trump's plan to execute drug dealers today, I said to myself "Today he became the president." Of the Philippines. - Bill Maher






In less than 16 months we went from a President who embraced Joe Biden and threatened Russia to a man who embraces Russia and threatens Joe Biden...
Lord. - Tony Posnanski


Rock The Voter News





“When I announced yesterday that I’m running for gov, one of Cuomo’s top surrogates dismissed me as an “unqualified lesbian.” It’s true that I never received my certificate from the Department of Lesbian Affairs, though in my defense there’s a lot of paperwork required.”  - Cynthia Nixon, fabulous actress turned candidate for governor of New York



The Obamas Send Letter Of Support To Parkland Students
Ahead of the March For Our Lives demonstration in Washington, D.C. on March 24, former president Barack Obama and former first lady Michelle Obama wrote a letter to the students who survived February's mass shooting in Parkland, Fla.






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China is pressuring Washington not to impose big tariffs on its steel. You can tell China’s playing hardball because today they said, “Remember – we have your new iPhones.”- Conan O'Brien




While I am in favor of Stormy Daniels appearing on 60 Minutes, I am deeply concerned about the human cost of millions of people hearing descriptions of Donald Trump having sex.- Andy Borowitz


Business/Tech News

Just tried deactivating my Facebook account and Putin sent me a DM with a sad face emoji. What the f*ck?! - Michael Blackman






Why Does Jared Still Work At The White House?
A New York City regulator is investigating 13 buildings controlled by a company formerly run by Jared Kushner, a top aide to U.S. President Donald Trump and his son-in-law, over possible "illegal activity" related to work permits, according to public filings.


Heterosexuals are the leading manufacturer of gay people, marriage is the leading cause of divorce & religion is the top creator of atheists. - John Fugelsang






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Odd News


Time To Deflate Photo

Yoga is not just for humans.

Peace.


Wednesday, March 21, 2018

Finally, some good news


Austin bomb suspect Mark Anthony Conditt blows himself up as SWAT team approaches
The suspect in a spate of bombings that terrorized Austin, Texas, died early Wednesday after detonating an explosive inside his vehicle as a SWAT team tried to apprehend him on the side of a highway, officials said.


Mark Anthony Conditt was homeschooled and grew up in an Amway family. I'm not sure if anyone's ever been duped into going to an Amway presentation, but they're cultish and extremely conservative. It should be no surprise that Amway is how the DeVos family made their cash.- Kara Calavera




The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam Trump

Trump actually congratulated Putin on his re-election. Either he's in Putin's pocket, he's incredibly stupid, or both. I vote for both. - Stephen King




Even Inspector Clouseau Would Say No To This Russian Request
A senior Russian diplomat says Moscow wants to take part in an investigation into the poisoning of an ex-spy in Britain, saying Russia's involvement is essential to finding the truth.
Britain has blamed Russia for poisoning Russian ex-spy Sergei Skripal and his daughter with a military-grade nerve agent, accusations Moscow has denied.











To recap yesterday: a child obtained a gun, just as our founding fathers intended, and brought that gun to school, just as our founding fathers intended, at which point he shot two students before being shot to death by a resource officer, just as our founding fathers intended. - Jeff Tiedrich



Vladimir Putin has been re-elected to a fourth term as president of Russia. The final vote tally was: 76% Putin, 24% shot this morning.- Conan O'Brien


Republican Shenanigans

"We're playing three dimensional chess and these guys are playing Tic Tac Toe." - Stormy Daniels' Lawyer, Michael Avenatti, on Trump's lawyers






Fox Analyst Comes To Senses
Retired Lt. Col. Ralph Peters, a longtime analyst for Fox News, told colleagues he is done with the network he says has become "a propaganda machine" for President Trump.
Peters said in an email first reported Tuesday by BuzzFeed that he chose not to renew his contract as a paid contributor with Fox News on March 1 because he was "ashamed" of the network.




If us Jews actually controlled the weather, New York would be Hawaii. - Alex Edelman





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Donald Trump, Jr. has brought shame to his family name by only having one divorce. - Conan O'Brien


Rock The Voter News


What, Bernie? Income Inequality Is More Important Than Russia & Stormy? If We Don't Stop Trump There Will Be Nothing That's Equal.
Enough about Russia and Stormy Daniels. The leaders of the progressive movement want to talk about growing income inequality in the US.
At a live-streamed town hall event on Monday night, Senator Bernie Sanders once again circumvented cable news to host a 90-minute panel discussion on poverty, the decline of the middle class and the consolidation of corporate power.






Trump has become such a divisive figure, I’m afraid he’s ruined that hairstyle for other men. - Conan O'Brien




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Trump made people in the White House sign non-disclosures? The only thing close to transparent with this guy is his very thin skin. - Bette Midler


Business/Tech News





Former FBI director James Comey’s memoir has already topped Amazon’s list of best-sellers, almost a month ahead of its release, due to preorders. Or you can find it in your local bookstore blocking Hillary Clinton’s book. - Seth Myers



Trump, Venezuela & Putin
President Donald Trump may not have realized on Monday that his executive order would step on Russia’s toes. Its official target was Venezuela, specifically the country’s plan to create the world’s first state-backed cryptocurrency, the petro, which went on sale Tuesday.
But behind the scenes, the petro was in fact a collaboration—a half-hidden joint venture between Venezuelan and Russian officials and businessmen, whose aim was to erode the power of U.S. sanctions, sources familiar with the effort told TIME.



“Graffiti is beautiful; like a brick in the face of a cop.” - Hunter S. Thompson




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I somewhat disagree. I'd be very lonely without my computer and phone.

Odd News


Time To Deflate Photo

A USGS scientist in Hawaii collects lava samples for chemical analysis, which can give insight into changes in the magmatic system also known as hot feet. Photo by U.S. Geological Survey (USGS).

Peace.