All Hat No Cattle

Thursday, February 22, 2018

Biden confirms reports McConnell blocked Obama from warning Americans about Russian election interference

Biden confirms reports McConnell blocked Obama from warning Americans about Russian election interference
Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell rejected the Obama administration’s efforts to warn the public about Russian interference in the 2016 presidential campaign, former vice president Joe Biden said Tuesday.

Ronald Reagan was shot while he was surrounded by armed secret service. I guess he just needed an armed science teacher around. - irishygirl tweet

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

Donald Trump tweeted that we must focus on strengthening background checks… And when Russia releases Trump’s background check, we’ll let you know. - Chelsea Handler

I'll Believe Trump When It Happens
President Trump said Thursday he will push for comprehensive background checks “with an emphasis on mental health” on gun sales, saying that the age of purchasers should be raised to 21 and bump stocks should be banned.

In other Trump news, according to a New York Times survey of political scientists across both parties, Donald Trump has been rated America’s worst president ever. I had a sneaking suspicion. It’s pretty incredible because it’s the first time Trump has won a popular vote.- James Corden

Republican Shenanigans

Teens dunking on Marco Rubio is my favorite Olympic sport. - Molly Knight

Where's The Teleprompter When Needed?
Amid the White House’s listening session for people directly impacted by mass shootings in schools, an Associated Press photo circulated of President Donald Trump holding a response cue card that included the phrase “I hear you.”

Why do we have to hear what f'ing Wayne LaPierre thinks? And if we do, why can't we also hear from the Brady Campaign, the Coalition to Stop Gun Violence, the National Gun Victims Action Council, etc? Why after each massacre do the media hand the mic straight to the NRA? - Randi Mayem Singer

Wait, did Trump cheat with Stormy or Karen first? I’m just trying to
get his affairs in order. - Bette Midler

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I want Marco Rubio being booed by teenagers to be my new ringtone. - Ike Barinholtz

Rock The Voter News

2 observations from CNN town hall: 1) Holy hell, Rubio looked scared of that kid. And 2) Somewhere, there are 101 puppies covering themselves in soot to escape from Dana Loesch. - Seth MacFarlane

FYI: Bernie Was One Of Two Senators Who Voted Against Russian Sanctions
Bernie Sanders on Wednesday blamed Hillary Clinton for not doing more to stop the Russian attack on the last presidential election. Then his 2016 campaign manager, in an interview with POLITICO, said he’s seen no evidence to support special counsel Robert Mueller's assertion in an indictment last week that the Russian operation had backed Sanders' campaign.

Who Knew? Democrats Are Prone To Be Mass Shooters!
Rep. Claudia Tenney, an upstate New York Republican who is up for re-election in one of the most competitive congressional districts in America, told a radio host in Albany that Democrats are more prone to be mass shooters.

Young people have helped lead all our great movements. How inspiring to see it again in so many smart, fearless students standing up for their right to be safe; marching and organizing to remake the world as it should be. We've been waiting for you. And we've got your backs. - Barack Obama

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Marco Rubio reminds you that more guns make us safer and that's why America has the lowest gun murder rate in the world. - John Fugelsang

Business/Tech News

Well, Mr. Crabapple, you have all the requirements we need and I think you'd make an excellent P.E. teacher. But unfortunately, you were unable to maneuver our Abrams tank around the school yard in the allotted time while firing an AK-47, so we're going to keep looking. - Rex Huppke

Net Neutrality Has Left The Building
The Federal Communications Commission's (FCC) order repealing net neutrality was published in the Federal Register Thursday morning, opening the door for supporters of the Obama-era rules to launch legislative and legal challenges.

ME: (being eaten alive) HELP ME! I'M BEING EATEN BY A CROCODILE!

GUN EXPERT: Actually, that's an alligator.

ME: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST GET HELP.

GUN EXPERT: ...You can tell by the rounded u-shaped snout. - Jesse McLaren

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JUST KIDDING!

Wednesday, February 21, 2018

Florida House declares porn a public health risk shortly after denying assault rifle ban

Florida House declares porn a public health risk shortly after denying assault rifle ban
Florida lawmakers on Tuesday passed a resolution declaring pornography a public health risk, less than an hour after they rejected a motion to consider a bill that would ban assault rifles.

Welcome to the American gun debate; where the adolescents are leaders because the leader is an adolescent. - John Fugelsang

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

It’s insane, and the fact that there’s more bullet holes in those windows than bills that have been proposed and passed to save these kids’ lives is disgusting. - David Hogg, Parkland survivor

At Least Someone Is Trying To Stop The Russians
Top House and Senate Democrats want to add $300 million in new FBI funds to a government spending bill next month to bolster America’s defenses against foreign interference in U.S. elections and social media.

Oh, This Is Just A Little Quid Pro Quo, Bro!
Federal investigators are probing whether former Trump campaign chair Paul Manafort promised a Chicago banker a job in the Trump White House in return for $16 million in home loans, two people with direct knowledge of the matter told NBC News

GOP: An AR-15 isn't even an automatic weapon. You can't regulate from a position of ignorance.
ME: [pulls out paper and pencil] Please draw, label, and explain the female reproductive system. -ffish tweet

Republican Shenanigans

Let’s elect the Parkland students to Congress and send the idiots who are there now back to school.- Andy Borowitz

Billy Graham, devoted his life to emulating Jesus, a Jesus who hobnobbed with Caesar and died a multi-millionaire.- Mrs. Betty Bowers

Conservatives Turned Comrades Are Mad At Twitter Bot Purge
Conservative Twitter users are raging against the social media company, lobbing accusations of left-wing bias and censorship after they lost thousands of followers in an overnight bot purge

'They're the ones putting out the pornographic stuff. The Jewish stranglehold has got to be broken or the country's going down the drain. - Billy Graham to Richard Nixon 1972

Remind all those GOPrs who are now saying the answer to school shootings is dealing with mental illness: They are the SAME people who last year passed a law to give the mentally ill the ability to buy guns. - Kurt Eichenwald

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Republican Plans To Build A Wall Separating Republican And Democrat Staff
House Intelligence Committee ranking member Adam Schiff (D-Calif.) spoke out Tuesday against a plan from the panel's chairman Rep. Devin Nunes (R-Calif.) to build a physical barrier between the staffs of Democrats and Republicans on the committee, calling the idea "terrible."..."So the wall is a terrible idea," Schiff said, adding: "Plus, Mexico will never pay for it. Though I suspect if they did build the wall in our committee, it will be the only wall Trump ever gets built."

Rock The Voter News

To those who say we can never get rid of assault rifles, there was a time in our country when people said we could never get rid of slavery. As I say this, I recognize that some people who want to keep their assault rifles are still bummed that we got rid of slavery. - Andy Borowitz

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I just wish these high school students had some relevant expertise before speaking out about public policy, like owning a beauty pageant or being the host of The Apprentice.- Jess Dweck

Business/Tech News

2018: Debtor's Prison
In the first-ever report on the extent and impact of cooperation between courts and the private debt collection industry nationwide, the American Civil Liberties Union found courts in 26 states and Puerto Rico in which judges issued arrest warrants for alleged debtors at the request of private debt collectors.

Panicked Billy Graham Realizes He Took Wrong Turn Into Heaven’s Largest Gay Neighborhood - The Onion

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Tuesday, February 20, 2018

It's not even March

Top court snubs challenge to California gun waiting period
In a blow to gun rights activists, the U.S. Supreme Court on Tuesday turned away a challenge to California’s 10-day waiting period for firearms purchases that is intended to guard against impulsive violence and suicides.

My generation went to the moon and ended the Vietnam war. This generation is capable of doing more. Do you know why?
Because we're Americans Goddammit!

NRA & GOP remind you that 49 dead in an Orlando nightclub, 26 dead at Sandy Hook & 17 dead at a FLA High School are just the price America has to pay so the next Nikolas Cruz can still easily buy an AR-15. - John Fugelsang

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

The Olympic Committee has imposed more sanctions on Russia than our President.- Warren Holstein

Meanwhile, Back At The Tinderbox Peninsula
South Korea and the United States will announce plans before April for a postponed joint military drill, South Korea’s defense minister said on Tuesday.

From the Netherlands: I admire the teenagers in the USA, fighting for their right to live and not to get killed! - Dutch Wondering Tweet

Trump ‘went to play golf while they held funerals’ - Anderson Cooper, CNN

Republican Shenanigans

DeVos Says Trump Will Not Go Down as Worst President in History Once Schools Stop Teaching History - Andy Borowitz

Republicans Are At Fault, Not "Congress"
More than 6 in 10 Americans fault Congress and President Donald Trump for not doing enough to prevent mass shootings, according to a new Washington Post-ABC News poll, with most Americans continuing to say these incidents are more reflective of problems identifying and addressing mental health issues than inadequate gun laws.

One of the first victims identified among the 17 people killed was Aaron Feis, an assistant football coach and security guard.

Conservative Goes After Parkland Shooting Survivors
CNN viewers on Tuesday demanded that the network fire conservative contributor Jack Kingston after he suggested that students who survived the mass shooting in Parkland, Florida were being organized by liberal activists.

I wish we could form some kind of Twitter human shield around those Parkland kids to protect them from the godawful soulless bastards who, predictably, are starting to attack them. - Rex Huppke

I'm old enough to remember when "President's adult son helps push conspiracy theory aimed at teen who survived high-school shooting that killed 17" would be kind of a big freakin' deal. - Rex Huppke

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http://www.cwblogsite.com/

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Rock The Voter News

High School Students Practice Using One-Syllable Words for Upcoming Meeting with Trump - Andy Borowitz

Meanwhile, Trump Is Trying To Replace Obamacare With GFY Healthcare
The Trump administration wants to allow insurance companies to offer more policies that have limited health benefits and that can reject customers if they have pre-existing medical conditions.

Finally, teens’ ability to deliver devastating blows to people’s self-esteem is being put to good use. - Jess Dweck

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http://www.wattensawpress.com/

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Business/Tech News

Man Only Buys Products Made Right Here In The USA By Cheap Immigrant Labor - The Onion

I Wonder If These Will Cost As Much As An Epi-Pen
The first treatment to help prevent serious allergic reactions to peanuts may be on the way. A California company said Tuesday that its daily capsules of peanut flour helped children tolerate the nuts in a major study.

Progress: I always give the audience a chance to ask questions before I end my show.
Last nite in Fla: "Talk about our president."
Me: "I'm not in that group. He's not my president."
Last yr here I got booed for similar, last nite, applause. - Elayne Boosler

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Thursday, February 22, 2018

Biden confirms reports McConnell blocked Obama from warning Americans about Russian election interference

Wednesday, February 21, 2018

Florida House declares porn a public health risk shortly after denying assault rifle ban

Tuesday, February 20, 2018

It's not even March

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