All Hat No Cattle

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

It's only Tuesday?

Trump's friend Christopher Ruddy says President considering firing Mueller
Washington (CNN) One of President Donald Trump's friends said he believes the President is considering dismissing special counsel Robert Mueller, who was appointed to lead the FBI investigation into Russia's potential ties to the 2016 election.

According to a friend of Trump's, he is considering firing Robert Mueller. The only surprising part of this news is that Trump allegedly has a friend.- Andy Borowitz

David Frum: If Trump fires Mueller he should write ‘I’m super guilty’ in the sky over the White House

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam Trump

I feel vastly safer with Dennis Rodman handling the whole North Korea thing than I would with Trump. - Andy Borowitz

Kim Tells Rodman He is Concerned about Trump's Mental Stability

39 States Affected By Russian Cyberattack
Russia’s cyberattack on the U.S. electoral system before Donald Trump’s election was far more widespread than has been publicly revealed, including incursions into voter databases and software systems in almost twice as many states as previously reported.

Just so we're clear: Obama warned McConnell and Ryan that Putin owned Trump and was going to hack the election, and they said "FINE BY US!" - Eric Garland

Hey Ivanka I hear that you were unprepared for the level of viciousness since your dad became President. You should try being a Syrian refugee sometime.- Andy Borowitz

The Christian Right Couldn't Be More Wrong
Vice President Mike Pence next month will address Christians United for Israel, a group founded by megachurch Pastor John Hagee, who once said Hitler was a “hunter” sent by God to expedite the return of Jews to Israel.

Republican Shenanigans

"I can't be rushed so fast. It makes me nervous." - Jeff Sessions in his testimony today in response to a question by Sen. Harris

Days to hit a 60% disapproval rating:

Carter: Never
Reagan: Never
H.W. Bush: 1,288 days
Clinton: Never
W. Bush: 1,756 days
Obama: Never

Trump: 144 days - Brian Klaas

Jeff Sessions Wants To Take Medicine Away From Sick People
Attorney General Jeff Sessions is asking congressional leaders to undo federal medical marijuana protections that have been in place since 2014, according to a May letter that became public Monday.

If you smoke weed with your buddies during the testimony today that's called a Jeff Session. - OhNoSheTwitnt‏

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The Golden State Warriors voted unanimously to skip their entire visit to Donald Trump's White House.
As woke as any team in sports. - Shaun King

Rock The Voter News

No, This Isn't Obama's Official Portrait
Over the weekend, a painting of former president Barack Obama was making the rounds on social media, with users assuming it was his official post-presidency portrait - a shocking development because in the picture in question, the 44th president was...

Interest Rates To Rise
The Federal Reserve this week is expected to enact a quarter-point rate hike that would take its benchmark target to between 1 percent and 1.25 percent.

WOW -- in reference to hacking of DNC, Sessions just said "if that actually occurred." - Matthew Nussbaum, Politico

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Business/Tech News

Trump has blocked me from reading his tweets. I may have to kill myself. - Stephen King, Author

GOP Zipped Lips On Trumpcare/GOPcare
Several Republican senators have no knowledge of the specific policy proposals GOP leadership is weighing for inclusion in the pending legislation to overhaul the U.S. healthcare system...

Yesterday, Rafael Nadal won the French Open and became the first man to win 10 titles at any major tournament. When asked what his secret is, he said, “Not having to play Serena Williams.” - Jimmy Fallon

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FUNDRAISER

Thank you!

Monday, June 12, 2017

Everyday, I just keep thinking to myself, this can't be real.

NBC and Megyn Kelly taking heat over upcoming Alex Jones' interview
Megyn Kelly and NBC are facing criticism for an upcoming TV interview with the controversial radio host Alex Jones..

Dear citizens of the U.K.: if it's any consolation, your sh*tshow isn't half the sh*tshow that our sh*tshow is. - Andy Borowitz

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam Trump

I worry that Trump's constant Twitter attacks on James Comey are affecting his ability to attack Rosie O'Donnell. - Andy Borowitz

Now How Will This Make Things Better?
Israel will reduce electricity supplies to the Gaza Strip after the Palestinian Authority limited how much it pays for power to the enclave run by Hamas, Israeli officials said on Monday.

Despite Comey’s testimony, a White House spokesperson said it was a regular Thursday at the White House. America was like, “Yeah, that’s what worries us. “ - Jimmy Fallon

Meanwhile, The Other Dictator With Bad Hair....
North Korea says it is "not far away" from test-firing an intercontinental ballistic missile that could strike the United States.

Trump wakes up every morning and says, "Today I'll act like a president." But then his thumbs say, "Oh, no, you won't." - Conan O-Brien

Republican Shenanigans

Because of his widespread unpopularity, Donald Trump will not be allowed to visit Britain. In other news, I am moving to Britain. - Andy Borowitz

I Think Paris Hilton Is Smarter Than Ivanka Trump
Ivanka Trump said Monday she is surprised by the "viciousness" of the media covering her father's presidency, referring to the growing "cloud" of distractions resulting from the Russia probe.

I will admit the Comey hearing felt like six hours of being out with a friend telling me his very detailed side of break-up. - John Fugelsang

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A big heat wave is expected to hit New York City this weekend. They say that we’ll be sweating like Trump while he watched the James Comey hearing. - Jimmy Fallon

Rock The Voter News

The woman who won the nomination has to shut up and go away, while the man she soundly defeated is the future of the party. Got it. - Peter Daou

Imagine Ass Kissing Trump. Here, I'll Help, Read Below.
President Donald Trump invited his top employees to shower him with compliments on Monday. They happily obliged, one-by-one, on live television.
During a Cabinet meeting at the White House, the president touted the “record-setting pace” of his legislative agenda and claimed “never has there been a president, with few exceptions” who has accomplished more while in office.

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Business/Tech News

Trump said today that he would never demand loyalty from someone he just met. However, he would grab their genitals. - Andy Borowitz

Ikea & NASA?
Setting up Ikea furniture may be difficult, but it's not rocket science … or is it? Thanks to a new collaboration between NASA and the Swedish furniture store, the two challenges may not be so different after all.

Former FBI Director Comey testified that he met privately with President Trump on February 14th. This is good news for everyone who thought THEY had the worst Valentine’s Day ever. - Conan O'Brien

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The last donation was 4 days ago. Thank you!

FUNDRAISER

Friday, June 9, 2017

Dept. of Justice Says Comey Lied Under Oath About...wait for it....EMAILS

Department of Justice Issues Statement on Testimony of Former FBI Director James Comey
...In his testimony, Mr. Comey stated that he was “not *** aware of” “any kind of memorandum issued from the Attorney General or the Department of Justice to the FBI outlining the parameters of [the Attorney General’s] recusal.” However, on March 2, 2017, the Attorney General’s Chief of Staff sent the attached email specifically informing Mr. Comey and other relevant Department officials of the recusal and its parameters, and advising that each of them instruct their staff “not to brief the Attorney General *** about, or otherwise involve the Attorney General *** in, any such matters described.”

My my my Comey lied about the Dept. of Justice notifying him of AG Sessions recusal procedures. But why? Will the DOJ go after Comey now? They have him dead to rights lying.

The current White House cover-up is what Watergate would have been if Nixon had had no attention span and an IQ of 70. - Andy Borowitz

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam Trump

We DONT NEED Trump "Fans" to flip, we need the 45% of America who didnt bother voting TO CARE NOW!! Thats how I see it ending! - some guy on twitter

Have Instagram? Russian Hackers Like It Too.
Hackers associated with the Russian government used Instagram to control malware used in attacks, according to a new report.
Researchers at Eset found that Turla, a well-known group believed to be affiliated with Russian intelligence, designed a malicious extension for the FireFox web browser to allow malware on a victim's computer to communicate with the hackers over the photo-sharing social network.

Trump told Comey “he had nothing to do with Russia, had not been involved with hookers in Russia, and always assumed he was being recorded when in Russia.” I love that he denied being involved with hookers in Russia. Let me tell you, Bill Clinton must be laughing his ass off right now. - Jimmy Kimmel

Republican Shenanigans

You ppl don't get it. Trump stealing $ from a kid's cancer charity is just ordinary locker room stealing $ from a kid's cancer charity.- John Fugelsang

The Loosey Goosey White House
The Office of Special Counsel (OSC) has issued a warning to White House social media director Dan Scavino for using Twitter to interfere with an election.

Your parents don't name you "Jefferson Beauregard" in Alabama unless they're really really really fond of the way things used to be. - John Fugelsang

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Today is Vice President Mike Pence’s 58th birthday. But the White House is going to leave the decorations up all week so they can also celebrate Pence’s inauguration. - Jimmy Fallon

Rock The Voter News

I don't know what was up with John McCain but I'm pretty sure Hillary Clinton didn't collude with the Russians to hack herself & elect Trump. - Brian Klaas

NY Attorney General Is Now Probing Eric Trump
The New York attorney general, which has been investigating the Donald J. Trump Foundation for months, is now looking into the Eric Trump Foundation, after a report in Forbes exposed practices that seem to violate state laws.
“The attorney general's office is looking into the issues raised by this report," said Eric Soufer, the communications director for the New York state attorney general.

Obama visited George and Amal Clooney at their home in the U.K. right before Amal gave birth to their twins. Man, I knew Obamacare was good — but didn’t know he actually showed up to deliver your babies! - Jimmy Fallon

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Business/Tech News

Now, all in all, Comey says he spoke with Trump nine times in four months. In contrast, he spoke with President Obama only twice during his entire tenure, “once in 2015 to discuss law enforcement policy issues, and a second time, briefly, for him to say good-bye in late 2016.” Oh, and a third time a couple weeks ago when he asked if I wanted to just say “screw it” and go hang out with him and Oprah on Richard Branson’s yacht. - Stephen Colbert

Meanwhile, Republicans Are Performing The Smoke & Mirrors Dance Concerning ACA
In their effort to revamp the nation's health-care system, Senate Republicans are considering preserving or more gradually eliminating key elements of the Affordable Care Act that the House voted to discard, creating an uncomfortable political ...

"I think the thing to do is enjoy the ride while you're on it." – Johnny Depp, who turns 54 today

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FUNDRAISER

Thank you!

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

It's only Tuesday?

Monday, June 12, 2017

Everyday, I just keep thinking to myself, this can't be real.

Friday, June 9, 2017

Dept. of Justice Says Comey Lied Under Oath About...wait for it....EMAILS

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