Conservatives Keep Pouring Fuel On The Texas Takeover Fire

Conservatives Keep Pouring Fuel On The Texas Takeover Fire
The Pentagon has no plans to stage a military takeover of the Lone Star state. There are no tunnels covertly being constructed under West Texas' shuttered Wal-Mart stores.
So why are the fringes of the Internet still abuzz with rumors that the U.S. military is on the cusp of imposing martial law in "hostile" Texas under the guise of a training exercise dubbed "Jade Helm 15"?




I hope Jade Helm 15 is actually a secret military plan to build six dozen abortion clinics in Texas.- Jessie Berney Tweet

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam

• Officials Look for Links Between IS, Texas Attack Gunmen
• Kerry hopes to win pause in Yemen war as he heads to talks
• Report: 2.2 million Iraqis displaced by Islamic State group
• US due to stop managing Afghan airspace by end of June
• Ukraine says five soldiers killed as talks resume over truce
• Obama expected to push for Gulf missile defense at U.S. summit

God told Mike Huckabee, Ted Cruz, Ben Carson and Jeb Bush to run for President b/c God loves us and wants us to laugh.- John Fugelsang

Uh, Oh, The Right Wing Won't Like This
A nuclear agreement will allow Iran to become the number one energy player in the Middle East and herald major opportunities for foreign companies, top Iranian officials said Wednesday




No matter how bad life may seem, just remind yourself: if Republicans had their way this would be year 7 of a McCain-Palin administration. - The Daily Edge

Republican Shenanigans

• Pam Geller lashes out at critics: You’re saying the ‘pretty girl caused her own rape’
• ‘Men should be able to veto abortions': Fox News host gripes that women want ‘all the control’
• Nebraska Woman Sues Gays On Behalf Of God And Jesus
• Virginia GOPer Suggests Snarling Police Dogs Could Solve Baltimore Violence
• Walmart To Texas Wingnuts: We’re Not Building Secret Tunnels So China Can Come Kill You

Mike Huckabee blamed contraception for Newtown.  Some might blame lack of access to contraception for Mike Huckabee.- John Fugelsang

West Virginia Senator Mocks Texas GOP
Sen. Joe Manchin (D-WV) said during an interview on Wednesday's "Morning Joe" that West Virginia, unlike Texas, would welcome military training exercises that have led to widespread conspiracy theories in several western states.
"Let me just say this. I want to make news right now," Manchin said. "I don't know what's going on in Texas. I don't know the paranoia that goes on in Texas, but the people in West Virginia welcome, welcome the special forces exercises. Please come to West Virginia. We'll welcome you with open arms. We're not afraid of you. We embrace you, we want you to be part of us."




Shorter Carly Fiorina: I'm 2016's Michele Bachmann!- Tina Dupuy

Rock The Voter News

• Bill Clinton on 'Clinton Cash' case: 'It won't fly'
• 1.5 Million Missing Black Men

Colorado Governor Won't Comment on Jade Helm 15 Probably Because He Is Laughing Too Hard
Colorado Gov. John Hickenlooper's (D) office told TPM on Wednesday that he was not commenting on a military training exercise set to take place in his state that has spawned multiple fringe conspiracy theories.

Obama’s Gun Confiscation Plan Plagued by Website Glitches.- Andy Borowitz

Ben Carson - because getting non-millionaires to vote for policies that only help millionaires isn't brain surgery.- John Fugelsang






Business/Tech News

• Oil hits $60; get ready for 'frack counterattack' 
• Saudi Arabia unveils new Kingdom Tower
• SurveyMonkey CEO died of head trauma in exercise accident
• Monopoly board game gets an offshore oil twist as Halliburton replaces Boardwalk
• Private firms added 169000 jobs in April, missing forecasts

If Carly Fiorina can do for American voters what she did for HP jobs then we'll all get to move to India.- JohnFugelsang

North Carolina Water Poisoning
North Carolina officials are warning more residents living near Duke Energy's coal ash pits that it's not safe to drink or cook with their well water after tests showed contamination levels that is raising health concerns.




I read that as marijuana legalization becomes more popular, it could affect the jobs of drug-sniffing dogs. Or as those dogs put it, “Thanks, Bo Obama.”- Jimmy Fallon

__________________

I hope you had a good time today.

___________________

Odd News

• What Frida wore: the artist's wardrobe locked up for 50 years – in pictures
• Florida mother held hostage uses online pizza order to ask for help
• Austrian baker causes stir with 'tasteless' 9/11 cake
• Czech club criticized over plans to use lie detectors on players
• TV Station Refuses To Comment On UFO Over San Diego

Time To Deflate Photo

Devil's pool in Victoria Falls, Zimbabwe

Peace.

ISIS Claims Responsibility for Texas Shooting

ISIS Claims Responsibility for Texas Shooting
Islamic State claimed responsibility for an attack on a Muhammad cartoon art fair in Texas on Sunday. Georgia State University’s Anthony Lemieux explains on the News Hub.




Carly Fiorina already knows how to stop ISIS - by buying the whole organization and then laying them off.- John Fugelsang

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam

• Pentagon: No Texas takeover plot
• Anti-Islam Activist Pam Geller Compares Herself To Rosa Parks (VIDEO) 
• Garland, Texas is a hotbed for anti-Muslim bigotry
• 'Crime against humanity on a daily basis' in Aleppo, Amnesty warns
• Saudi suspends flights at airport along Yemen border
• Ethiopian Jews' protests draw attention to racism in Israel
• Ukraine Crisis Opens Up Wiggle Room For Lukashenka

Republicans Lied And Distorted Benghazi? Of Course!
Former Deputy CIA Director Michael Morell said Republicans politicized and repeatedly distorted the agency's analysis of the 2012 Benghazi attacks.
The allegation that the U.S. military and CIA officers "were ordered to stand down and not come to the rescue of their comrades" is not true, Morell wrote in his book The Great War of Our Time, set for release later this month.





FOX NEWS CORRECTION: THE FOOTAGE WE JUST SHOWED OF BALTIMORE WAS ACTUALLY FROM THE FALL OF SAIGON. - LOLGOP

Poor Rand Paul. He isn't even the most unglued doctor in the GOP primary anymore. #BenCarson - LOLGOP





Ben Carson Quote

Republican Shenanigans

• Carly Fiorina failed to register this domain.
• Huckabee to announce White House plans
• Republican Claims Pot Enhances Psychosis And Schizophrenia
• Fox: We’ve ‘Gone Six Years With Almost No Criticism Of The President.’
• Poll: Jeb Bush Leads Republican Presidential Field, Marco Rubio Second
• Trump: I'm All For Free Speech, But Anti-Islam Cartoon Contest Was 'DUMB!'

Carly Fiorina: "I'm a forward-thinking tech CEO ready to lead the country as soon as I get my domain name back"- The Daily Edge Tweet

Republicans Arguing With Each Other Is Strangely Satisfying
Bill O'Reilly argued with fellow Fox News host Megyn Kelly on Monday's "The O'Reilly Factor" about the shooting that occurred Sunday at a Muhammad cartoon contest in Garland, Texas.





Weird. The same people who think big oil has their best interests in mind also believe a class can teach teenagers to not have sex.- LOLGOP





Another Ben Carson Quote

Mitt Romney Is Miffed At Hillary
Hillary Clinton recently delivered a thoughtful speech in response to protests and rioting in Baltimore, in which she denounced “mass incarceration.” Mitt Romney is not happy about this. Appearing on Fox News, the former Republican candidate expressed his apparent belief that Hillary Clinton is now opposed to having laws...






@CarlyFiorina Your party doesn't even think women should be president of their own uteruses. - OhNoSheTwitnt Tweet

Rock The Voter News

• Obama announces Marine general as Joint Chiefs chairman
• Jon Stewart mocks ‘lone star lunatics’ and ‘Dallas d*cks’ paranoia about Jade Helm ‘Texas takeover’

Fox News apologizes for false police shooting report, assures that no black people could have possibly been watching its broadcast. - LOLGOP

Hillary Leads All GOP Candidates
A new NBC News poll reveals that the Republican attempts to stop Hillary Clinton have failed as the Democratic frontrunner leads every Republican presidential candidate.

According to the GOP candidates for president, Cinco de Mayo is Spanish for "Secure the Border."- LOLGOP

Business/Tech News

• US trade deficit largest since 2008 as imports surge
• US Airlines collected $3.5 billion in baggage fees
• Republican presidents flunk the economy: 11 reasons why America does worse under the GOP

Allah Sets Oil Prices! Who Knew?
With speculation rife over how long Saudi Arabia is content to see oil prices slump, the country's oil minister told CNBC that only Allah knows where prices are heading.
Influential Saudi Oil Minister, Ali Al-Naimi, told CNBC Tuesday that "no one can set the price of oil - it's up to Allah." 

If I were a Fairy Godmother, all I'd do is throw myself down in front of working people about to enroll in for-profit colleges.- LOLGOP

_______________________

____________________

Odd News

• Air Force General Resigns After Saying Officers Looked 'Drunker Than 10,000 Indians'
• Where's all the carbon going? Fjords, study finds
• 150-year-old Mark Twain stories discovered by Berkeley scholars
• Police: New Jersey man adds gasoline, lighter fluid to cake
• Italian astronaut brews, sips first fresh espresso in space

Time To Deflate Photo

Giant Sequoias in Yosemite National Park, California. Photography by UrbanTree

Peace.

Former CIA official says GOP distorted agency's Benghazi findings

Former CIA official says GOP distorted agency's Benghazi findings
Former CIA deputy director says Republicans repeatedly distorted the agency's analysis of the Benghazi attack in 2012 that killed the U.S. ambassador to Libya and three other Americans. He also says U.S. intelligence agencies failed to recognize that al-Qaida would rapidly regain strength after the killing of Osama bin Laden.





The liberal media is so liberal that an actual liberal is running for POTUS & the only one to cover the Bernie Sanders announcement is FOX.- John Fugelsang

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam

• IS claims Baghdad bombing that killed 15
• Suicide bomber blows himself up in Syrian capital
• Two U.N. peacekeepers wounded by Syria mortars on Golan Heights
• Ethiopian protests draw attention to racism in Israel
• "No room" for gays in Kenya, says deputy president
• 5,800 migrants rescued in Mediterranean
• Europe-Australia talks over stopping asylum-seeker boats: Abbott

Jeb Says We Need To Scare Our Enemies 
Former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush argued Saturday that American foreign policy should frighten the nation’s enemies abroad with its strength.

“The basic policy should be our friends know we have their back over the long haul, and our enemies need to fear us again,” Bush said at the South Carolina GOP convention in Columbia, according to the Associated Press.






Bin Laden may be dead but that lip gloss is still a threat to every soul on this plane unless it's in a small plastic bag.- John Fugelsang

Texas Police Kill Two Gunmen At Anti-Islamic Event
Texas police shot dead two gunmen who opened fire on Sunday outside an exhibit of caricatures of the Prophet Mohammad that was organized by an anti-Islamic group and billed as a free-speech event.




"The city of San Francisco announced that on January 1 tobacco of any kind will be illegal.
So you'll finally be able to say to a police officer, 'No, no, this is just weed.'" - Seth Meyers

Republican Shenanigans

• Republican former CEO Fiorina enters White House race
• Carson tells TV station he'll seek Republican presidential nomination
• Ohio Republican Gov. Kasich On Expanding Medicaid: 'It's My Money'
• Latino 'Panhandlers,' Ted Cruz And The Republican Push For Hispanics
• Fired Florida police officer with history of violence says calling black people ‘monkeys’ isn’t racist
• Anti-Islam blogger Pam Geller on Dallas art show shootings: ‘This is a war and the war is here’
• TX Republican Lawmaker Wants Women To Carry Deceased Fetuses - To Full Term

Every time a state passes a law that allows guns in bars Darwin's ghost does a victory lap.- John Fugelsang

So How's That Abstinence Only Program Going?
Chlamydia outbreaks hits nearly 10 percent of small Texas school in district with no sex-ed policy.




Awesome when people who defend Dick Cheney call other people 'thugs.'- John Fugelsang

Baltimore Update
Maryland National Guard troops in Baltimore have begun to demobilize, with the last of the soldiers expected to withdraw Tuesday, a spokesman said.
About 1,400 remain on duty Monday but are in various stages of demobilization, said National Guard spokesman Col. Charles S. Kohler.

Rock The Voter News

• Obama to Unveil Nonprofit for Young Minorities After Baltimore Unrest
• Finally: SD awaits Obama's first visit as president

Republicans unveil new plan to repeal Obamacare and replace it with a tax cut for the rich. - The Daily Edge

Obama Didn't Invade Texas After All
Texas Gov. Greg Abbott announced he was ordering the Texas State Guard to monitor a Navy SEAL/Green Beret joint training exercise, which was taking place in Texas and several other states, everybody here looked up from their iPhones. What?

Amazing how the people who are skeptical of climate science can be convinced of almost anything else.- LOLGOP

Business/Tech News

• Oil hits 2015 high as traders look beyond ample supply
• Republican House bill curbs bank watchdog's budget
• Isis Pharmaceuticals Inc. (ISIS) Is Rising On Licensing Agreement With Bayer

The GOP is now the party of workers who are afraid their boss' boss' boss' kids may have to pay any inheritance taxes - LOLGOP

Airbus Suing Germany And U.S. For Spying
European aviation company Airbus said Friday it is taking legal action following reports that it was targeted by German and U.S. intelligence agencies.




Bruce Jenner is famous for being the only Kardashian who's famous for a reason.- John Fugelsang

_______________

__________________

Odd News

• London Eye lit by Facebook election chat
• Stop the Debates! The Official Toilet Paper Patent Proves 'Over' Is Correct
• Giant billowing aerial sculpture installed over Boston park
• Joyful noise or unholy din? New church 'bells' mean discord
• Aspen's Smuggler Mountain struggles with dog poop

Time To Deflate Photo

The Diphylleia grayi is an extraordinary flower with white petals that turn beautifully transparent upon contact with water.

Peace.