Wednesday, March 6, 2024

Speaker Johnson Calls For Defunding Federal Law Enforcement Agencies That Have 'Turned... Against the American People'

Speaker Johnson Calls For Defunding Federal Law Enforcement Agencies That Have 'Turned... Against the American People'
Republicans often campaign on their commitment to supporting law enforcement, but during a press conference on Wednesday, Speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA) declared that he will push for cuts to several federal law enforcement agencies.



Mike Johnson speaks in tongues and he’s not even an immigrant. - Captain Obvious







The World Is A Safer Place Without Republicans

I don’t know who’s reading this, but I’m confident you would make a better president than Trump. - Windsor Mann










Haley's Comet Crashes
Former U.N. Ambassador Nikki Haley formally suspended her campaign on Wednesday and called on former President Trump to earn her supporters’ votes heading into the general election. 









Republican Shenanigans



Mitch McConnell was so horrified by Donald Trump trying to overthrow the government that he has decided to endorse him today. Mitch McConnell, the man President Biden calls a “friend” and a “man of honor.”

We are in hell. - Jason Overstreet








Hurray, Jewish Space Lasers Are Back In The News!
Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) promptly told British journalist Emily Maitlis to “fuck off” after The News Agents’ reporter asked her to talk about “Jewish space lasers” – a conspiracy theory advanced by her in an old social media post about the cause of the 2018 California wildfires.



Haley on Trump today: 

“I congratulate him and I wish him well.” 

Haley on Trump two weeks ago: 

"What he did is disgusting. And anybody that agrees with it or says it's okay is disgusting along with him.”

She is as empty as they come. - Kaivon Shroff








In Separate Opinion, Clarence Thomas Rules That Husbands of Insurrectionists Cannot Be Barred From Yachts. - Andy Borowitz








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Rock The Voter News



Kyrsten Sinema Vows to Continue Being Annoying as Private Citizen. - Andy Borowitz









They all cave. All of them. No matter what Trump does. 

Trump mocked Cruz’s wife’s looks. Cruz endorsed him.

Trump made racist remarks about McConnell’s wife. McConnell endorses him. 

Sheesh. - Mehdi Hasan








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Beijing is now the city with the most billionaires on Earth, so congratulations to the communists for being better at capitalism. - John Fugelsang









Business/Tech News


Why do I feel like I’m on the lower deck watching the rich be loaded into lifeboats while being told everything is fine. - James Scott








Did He or Didn't He? Of Course, He Did.
Elon Musk posted on The Platform Formerly Known as Twitter that he would not be “donating money to either candidate for US President” in the wake of a report by The New York Times that former President Donald Trump had met with him and other wealthy Republican donors over the weekend.









Listen, you're born naked and the rest is drag. - Ru Paul


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