All Hat No Cattle

Monday, August 1, 2016

A First: Courtesy of Mrs. Trump

New York Post uses nude photo of Melania Trump on cover
The cover of the New York Post showed potential first lady Melania Trump “like you've never seen her before.”
The Sunday cover used a nude photo of Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump’s wife, which was shot in 1995 for a French men’s magazine.

I'd feel more empathy for Melania Trump if she wasn't married to Donald Trump.

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam

Now that he's trolling bereaved military families, is Trump going to officially join the Westboro Baptist Church?- Andy Borowitz

WikiLeaks Is Dripping Info Slowly For Maximum Effect
WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange won’t say whether Russia had any involvement in the emails his organization released on the eve of last week’s Democratic National Convention. But he says there are more leaks coming.

"I've made a lot of sacrifices," Trump said. "I made gigantic sacrifices to avoid serving my country."- Andy Borowitz

Republican Shenanigans

Thank the media for tasteful headlines like "Trump Gives Questionable Explanation of Events in Ukraine" over "Horrifically F--king Ignorant" - John Fugelsang

I'll Give This To Trump, He Has Chutzpah
Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump's campaign appealed to Capitol Hill for support on Monday as his attacks on the Muslim parents of a decorated U.S. soldier killed in Iraq drew sharp rebukes from fellow party members.

Make Americans Who Used To Respect The Military Believe Insulting Gold Star Families Is Somehow Great Again.- John Fugelsang

16 Years Ago, William F. Buckley Wrote This About Donald Trump And It’s Eerily Accurate
Look for the narcissist. The most obvious target in today’s lineup is, of course, Donald Trump. When he looks at a glass, he is mesmerized by its reflection. If Donald Trump were shaped a little differently, he would compete for Miss America. But whatever the depths of self-enchantment, the demagogue has to say something. So what does Trump say? That he is a successful businessman and that that is what America needs in the Oval Office. There is some plausibility in this, though not much. The greatest deeds of American Presidents — midwifing the new republic; freeing the slaves; harnessing the energies and vision needed to win the Cold War — had little to do with a bottom line.

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Rock The Voter News

BREAKING: FBI discovers that Hillary’s 30,000 deleted emails were all Facebook notifications from Biden tagging her on cat videos.- Tea Party Cat

Trump Thinks The Election Will Be Rigged
Republican nominee Donald Trump on Monday raised the prospect of the general election being “rigged” against him.
"I'm afraid the election is going to be rigged, I'm going to be honest," Trump told a crowd at an event in Columbus, Ohio.

Trump: "I didn't see Obama's speech. I was talking with Putin, who promises his hackers will deliver the election for me. Me." - Tea Party Cat

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Biz/Tech News

Donald Trump is a debit to his race.- John Fugelsang

Koch Just Says No To Trump
Billionaire Charles Koch and his network of political donors will not be supporting Republican nominee Donald Trump, instead re-directing their focus to supporting Republicans in competitive Senate races.

The best part of having the 10 commandments displayed in US courthouses is realizing 8 of them are pretty much legal here.- John Fugelsang

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Friday, July 29, 2016

Hillary has turned history into herstory. It is a shining moment she earned.

In the 1970s when I attended college in the South, I was labeled a conservative Democrat. I believed in rights for all, a strong military because it is a f--king dangerous world, fiscal responsibility because we needed to invest more wisely in the American people and the right to own a gun.

I still believe in those things.

When the Clintons arrived at the White House in 1993 they were also conservative Democrats with a proven track record. Of course, Republicans painted them as flaming communist Liberals, flag burners, dirty hippies and much more. Stupid, destructive politics. But it worked.

This country can only change from within and both Democrats and Republicans know that.

Hillary Clinton is becoming more and more attractive to Republicans, and not only because of Trump, I think, but because they are actually listening to her. It is about time, as she has three decades of respect from world leaders and being the most admired woman in the world for almost two decades helps, too.

The die hard Bernie supporters that are Hillary haters are just a small fraction, polls show about 90% of Bernie supporters are voting for Hillary. When Hillary lost the nomination in 2008 to Obama, polls indicated as many as 28% of Hillary supporters would vote for McCain...well that didn't happen.

Bernie turned the Democratic Party to the left in the one year he was a member of the party, which was remarkable in itself. It saddens me he decided to return to being an Independent.

Thank you Bernie. You did make a difference.

The icing on the cake -- Republican voters and politicians are realizing that a President Clinton is better than a Dicktator Trump.

Who says Hillary isn't an uniter?

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VIEWER ALERT: After Hillary's speech, the official Republican response will be delivered by Scott Baio. - Andy Borowitz

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam

Trump Unveils Plan to Crush ISIS: 'I Know How to Bankrupt a Large Organization'- Andy Borowitz

War On Hillary Update: Her Voice
Fox News analyst Brit Hume was distracted by Hillary Clinton's "not so attractive voice" during her speech at the Democratic convention Thursday night.

"A man you can bait with a tweet is not a man we can trust with nuclear weapons." - Hillary Clinton

Republican Shenanigans

The CIA's Trump Conundrum: How do you give classified intelligence briefings to someone who's never been classified as briefly intelligent? - Warren Holstein

“Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. The hands can't hit what the eyes can't see.”
Donald Trump is living up to his reputation as thin-skinned bully.
At a Davenport, Iowa, rally on Thursday, Trump threatened to attack several of the Democratic National Convention’s speakers for their remarks against him.
“I was gonna hit one guy in particular, a very little guy,” Trump said at his rally. “I was gonna hit this guy so hard, his head would spin, he wouldn’t know what the hell happened.”

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Rock The Voter News

Hillary Clinton gave her big speech at the Democratic Convention, officially accepting the nomination for president. The speech went well, but the lightning shooting from her hands was a bit much.- Jimmy Fallon

Hack The Voter
Following the hack of Democratic National Committee emails and reports of a new cyberattack against the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee, worries abound that foreign nations may be clandestinely involved in the 2016 American presidential campaign. Allegations swirl that Russia, under the direction of President Vladimir Putin, is secretly working to undermine the U.S. Democratic Party. The apparent logic is that a Donald Trump presidency would result in more pro-Russian policies. At the moment, the FBI is investigating, but no U.S. government agency has yet made a formal accusation.

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Trump is furious. Of course he's sacrificed for his country. One time he flew 1st class when his private jet was in the shop. - Warren Holstein

Biz/Tech News

Meanwhile, Back In "Consta-tushional" La La Land
Ryan Bundy demands $100 million to stand trial — or $1 million to serve as own judge
The 44-year-old Bundy, who is serving as his own attorney, filed court documents this week using “sovereign citizen” jargon to the government had no authority over him.

Donald Trump said that when he asked Russia to hack Hillary Clinton’s emails he was being “sarcastic.” Which makes sense — if anyone understands comedy, it’s the Russians.- Conan O'Brien

"Look I'm not gonna say how many pieces of silver. It's ALOT. Believe me. These Pharisees are fantastic guys." - Gospel of Trump - John Fugelsang

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Thursday, July 28, 2016

How I felt about last night's convention

Barack Obama gives Hillary Clinton presidential seal of approval

On Day 3 of the DNC, President Barack Obama urges the nation to make Hillary Clinton his successor. Vice President Joe Biden and veep pick ...

I started the evening saying for the first time I thought Trump could win. Then Obama spoke. I’m so angry at my own party right now. - Erik Erickson

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam

So it took just one black president for the GOP to decide it would side with Russia over national security. - LOLGOP

The Donald Has A Thing For Putin
Donald J. Trump called President Vladimir V. Putin of Russia “a better leader” than President Obama, offering the praise in an interview with “Fox and Friends” on Thursday, just a day after saying he hoped Russian intelligence services had successfully hacked Hillary Clinton’s email.

If the Russians can find my old iTunes playlist, that would be so great. - Steve Martin

The scary thing isn't that Trump wants to serve Putin.
The terrifying thing is he wants to be Putin-. - LOLGOP

Republican Shenanigans

We mock O'Reilly but without "Let's look on the bright side of Slavery" there's no conservative movement, no conservative news channel.- LOLGOP

Trump Can't Find 78 Workers In Palm Beach County (pop. 1,320,134)
The presidential candidate is seeking to bring in 78 more servers, housekeepers, and cooks for his Mar-a-Lago resort and nearby golf course. The controversial guest worker program allows employers to import foreign workers, but only when there are no Americans who want the jobs.

Trump Calls for Deportation of 'Clearly Mexican' Tim Kaine. - Andy Borowitz

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President Obama made a speech trying to convince people to vote for Hillary Clinton instead of Donald Trump. It’s a speech entitled, "I Can’t Believe This Is Necessary."- Conan O'Brien

Rock The Voter News

The Junior Trumpet Hits Wrong Note
Donald Trump Jr., an executive at his father’s Trump Organization, accused President Barack Obama of lifting a phrase from his Republican National Convention speech in Cleveland last week — but the phrase was used by Obama in 2010.

After Michelle Obama’s speech where she said the White House was built by slaves, Fox News host Bill O’Reilly said the slaves who built the White House were "well fed" and had "decent lodging." Leave it to Fox News to provide a fair and balanced view of slavery.- Conan O'Brien

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Michelle Obama: I wake up in a house built by slaves.
Melania Trump: I wake up in a house built by undocumented Polish workers. - Jim David Tweet

Biz/Tech News

Trump still won't release his tax returns & I demand to see his long-form worth certificate. - John Fugelsang

Trump Stumps Experts On Minimum Wage Raise
Donald Trump’s new call to raise the minimum wage has outside experts and even his closest advisers scratching their heads.

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Monday, August 1, 2016

A First: Courtesy of Mrs. Trump

Friday, July 29, 2016

Hillary has turned history into herstory. It is a shining moment she earned.

Thursday, July 28, 2016

How I felt about last night's convention

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