Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Trump Wins Nevada





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Trump: ‘I Love the Poorly Educated’
After his Nevada caucus win, presidential candidate Donald Trump, said: “We won the evangelicals, we won with young, we won with old, we won with highly educated, we won with poorly educated! I love the poorly educated.


"Trump says what we think." - people who don't think. - John Fugelsang






The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam


U.S. officials say that ISIS is facing a severe strain on its cash supply. ISIS blames it on poor oversight, economic sanctions, and betting all their money on the Carolina Panthers.- Conan O'Brien




Trump/Scott 2016?
On Monday, Rick Scott said he wasn’t ready to endorse in Florida’s presidential primary election on March 15, but there are those who believe he might be leaning towards Donald Trump.
That speculation was sparked last month, when Scott penned an op-ed in USA Today, a column in which he wrote very favorably about the New York City billionaire real estate developer.



George W. Bush was a little confused why Jeb quit because he was losing. Because as far as George W. Bush is concerned, you still become president even when you don't get the most votes.- James Corden









Republican Shenanigans




There is a way to stop Trump, but it involves persuading the fifty million dumbest voters to leave the country.- Andy Borowitz







The Vagina Regulators Are Also Pharmacists!!
The Oklahoma Supreme Court on Tuesday upheld a law aimed at limiting the use of abortion-inducing drugs, overturning a lower court decision that said the measure was unconstitutional because it did not apply to other medication.



Starting with Reagan, Quayle, George W Bush, Palin and leading inexorably to Trump, the GOP has come to revere ignorance as the most important quality in a candidate. I don't understand why America's kids are loading up on student debt if the actual ideal of our society is to be as ill-informed as possible.- Andy Borowitz









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If I were a zillionaire, I run ads reminding America what's at stake in the Supreme Court -- Roe, VRA, marriage, Social Security, the planet. - LOLGOP









Dirty water at Fort Myers Beach
 Cheryl Cagle Jones/Facebook


Florida Is Killing Itself 
Just in time for tourist season, both of Florida's coasts are being flooded by dark, polluted water that's killing ocean creatures and turning away would-be swimmers, fishermen, and other visitors.












John Kasich over the weekend said lots of women have left their kitchens to work on his campaign. Yeah, that will certainly help the upcoming election of 1956.- James Corden








Rock The Voter News



Meanwhile, The Adult In D.C. Is Carrying Out His Constitutional Duty
Move quickly — but not too quickly.
That’s the strategy President Obama and his top aides appear to be adopting as they work through the process of nominating a successor to the late Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia.







You almost need a Ouija board to understand the shots Sanders and Clinton lob at each other. Trump called Cruz a "weak little baby."- LOLGOP





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When asked about the possibility that Mexico might not agree to pay for his border wall, Donald Trump said, "The wall just got 10 feet higher.” People in Mexico were like, “OK, well, our tunnels are exactly the same."- Jimmy Fallon



Business/Tech News







Government regulators have released a new statement saying that no hover board scooter currently on the market meets proper safety standards. The other thing hover board scooters don’t meet: women.- Seth Myers


Iran's Conservative Media Ups Reward For Author Rushdie
The fatwa issued 27 years ago by Iran's then-supreme leader calling for Salman Rushdie to be killed seems like a relic of a bygone era.
But not to a group of hard-line Iranian media organizations that announced it has raised $600,000 to add to a bounty for the death of the British novelist for writing "The Satanic Verses."








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FIGHT THE RIGHT FUNDRAISER!


Thank you!









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Odd News
Time To Deflate Photo

My viewers are so much smarter than moi!


Hi Lisa,

Again many thanks for all your great work!

It looks like you didn't realize the photo of the Schafberg
(literally "Sheep Mountain") in Austria is kind of an Internet joke.
Someone just exerted quite a lot of lateral compression on the original
photo to make everything look much steeper than reality.

You can find the original photo here:
http://www.laughspark.info/uploadfiles/schafberg-near-wolfgang-lake-a-4039.jpg

It's still pretty steep, though.

Take care. You are wonderful!

Joerg the Swiss guy

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I'm a regular visitor to AHNC, and I always find the site informative and
hilarious. But, judging by the others I've seen, I think your "Time to
Deflate" photo of Schafberg mountain needs an inflate.

Regards,
Gig

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Thank you for writing and setting AHNC straight!

Below is the photo that Joerg linked to...

Inflated or deflated this is a gorgeous place. Photo by Tomas Vocelka.


Here's Today's Time To Deflate Photo


The Baby Tortoise Army!

Peace.


Tuesday, February 23, 2016

No Hearing For Obama SCOTUS Nominee





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Key GOP Senators Emerge From Meeting: No Hearing For Obama SCOTUS Nominee
Key Republican senators on the Judiciary Committee emerged from a closed door meeting in Majority Leader Mitch McConnell's office Tuesday united in their determination not to consider any nominee to replace Antonin Scalia until the next president takes office.



GOP: We can't shut the government down but we can shut down Obama!



Obama signs executive order relocating Congress to Guantanamo. - Andy Borowitz








The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam



If we close Guantanamo where will we keep the people who tweet bad things about President Trump? - LOLGOP





Presidential Punch?
So much for that acting presidential “soon” talk.
On the eve of the Nevada caucuses, Republican frontrunner Donald Trump told the crowd at a rally in Las Vegas on Monday night that he wanted to punch a protester who was being escorted from the event in the face.














There's no reason for any Republican candidate to drop out. For instance, Ben Carson doesn't even know he's still running. - LOLGOP



Republican Shenanigans


Sure, Jeb Bush ended his presidential campaign, but at least he kept his dignity and rescued the family name.- Tea Party Cat




Pinkie Pig Offers Hillary Underwear
Joe Arpaio said Monday at a rally for Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump that he would give Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton a free pair of "pink underwear" if she'd visit his Tent City jail.









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1 Obama promises to close Guantanamo
2 Voters elect him
3 GOP blocks him from doing it
4 GOP reminds you Obama broke promise to close GITMO - John Fugelsang








Rock The Voter News



Cuba's Had A Lung Cancer Vaccine For Years, And Now It's Coming To The U.S.
President Barack Obama will become the first president to visit Cuba in almost 90 years when he and first lady Michelle Obama travel to the island nation on March 21. But one of the most exciting things about the thawing of relations between Cuba and the U.S. is happening stateside right now: the possibility of clinical trials on a drug to prevent lung cancer, and possibly other cancers, too.








Look, none of the other black presidents ever nominated a Supreme Court justice in the last year of their term, so Obama shouldn’t either!!!- Tea Party Cat




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If you're looking for the guys who say America is a Christian nation, they're cheering a guy screaming about punching and torturing people. - LOLGOP







Business/Tech News



Bill Gates: "FBI should get access to iPhone. I'd let them into any Windows Phones they've purcha- no? Okay that's... (sigh) that's fine."- The Daily Show Tweet









Waterworld Wasn't Just A Movie
The oceans have heaved up and down as world temperatures have waxed and waned, but as new research tracking the past 2,800 years shows, never during that time did the seas rise as sharply or as suddenly as has been the case during the last century.






Jeb Bush spent $130 million running for president, when he could of been helping Kanye get out of debt instead.  What a waste.- Adam Wolf Tweet








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Only $2480 to go!

Monday, February 22, 2016

Republican candidates make final pitch to Nevada voters





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Republican candidates make final pitch to Nevada voters
Speaking to MSNBC's "Morning Joe" Monday, McCarthy said Trump's victory and Rubio's second-place finish in South Carolina dealt a blow to Cruz's strategy to win the nomination. The California congressman predicted voters in Florida, Rubio's home state, would determine whether Rubio continues or the Trump easily rolls on to the nomination.



Even before Trump stomped him, Jeb blew his answer on the Iraq War, which -- like -- he should have probably known would come up.- LOLGOP







The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam



The guys who want to carpet bomb cities think it's evil to fund STD tests at Planned Parenthood.- LOLGOP







Christians Squeezed For Ransoms
The Islamic State group has collected millions of dollars in ransom for a group of Assyrian Christians it kidnapped in Syria a year ago, Christian officials and an opposition group said.



W. spent $4 trillion on war in Iraq and we got ISIS
Jeb spent $130 million running for President and we got Trump. - The Daily Edge








Republican Shenanigans



The reason that Ted Cruz lost the Evangelicals in S.C. is because he is a world class LIAR, and Evangelicals do not like liars!- Donald Trump Tweet





Trump Threatens Cubs' Owners
Donald Trump is threatening one of the Republican Party's mega-donor families after it was revealed as the  funder behind a super-PAC set up to destroy Trump's candidacy.
"I hear the Rickets [sic] family, who own the Chicago Cubs, are secretly spending $'s against me," the billionaire GOP front-runner tweeted on Monday. "They better be careful, they have a lot to hide!"












Official countdown to Jeb being the new spokesperson for reverse mortgages...- Tina Dupuy




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A news channel that keeps on telling you it's balanced is kinda like a guy who keeps on telling you he's straight.- John Fugelsang



Rock The Voter News







In my view, people have a right to make a telephone call today without that information being collected by the government.- Bernie Sanders Tweet



What Racial Profiling?
A Florida police department is facing racial profiling charges after stopping a man 258 times and repeatedly charging him with trespassing at the convenience store where he works.




 Click here to meet C.W.









Seriously how much longer can Trump go without commenting on Hillary Clinton's looks? - John Fugelsang



Business/Tech News







Scientists Warn All Plant Life Dying Within 30-Yard Radius Of Ted Cruz Campaign Signs - The Onion


Wall Street Cuddles Up To Trump Rubio
Republican Marco Rubio's presidential run has drawn more money from Wall Street donors than any other candidate, according to a Reuters review of campaign finance disclosures, shoring up his position as his party's establishment alternative to front-runner Donald Trump.






Camille Cosby is the Carmella Soprano of the comedy world.- John Fugelsang





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