All Hat No Cattle

Monday, February 6, 2017

I miss a sane president

Former top diplomats, tech giants blast immigration order as court showdown looms
Fresh challenges to President Trump's court-frozen immigration order took shape Monday with two former secretaries of state claiming the White House was undermining national security and nearly 100 Silicon Valley tech companies arguing it will keep the ...

First US President to go on the air and make anti-American statements right before the Super Bowl. - Andy Borowitz

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

What do you think Trump's secret service code name is? I'm going with "hairball" - Jeff Tiedrich

GOP Sorta Pissed At Trump
U.S. President Donald Trump faced criticism Sunday from fellow Republicans as his administration sowed confusion about its approach to Russia, the latest example of the new commander-in-chief creating distractions from the work of unifying his party ...

I vastly prefer German immigrants like Adolphus Busch, who gave us beer, to Friedrich Drumpf, who gave us a tiny-handed fascist.- Andy Borowitz

Republican Shenanigans

Republicans See Betsy DeVos as Key to Keeping Nation Stupid. - Andy Borowitz

NFL And FOX Sports Forced Changes To Super Bowl Ad
An American building materials company was forced to edit its Super Bowl ad to meet NFL standards, according to a new report.
84 Lumber produced a commercial showing a Mexican mother and daughter heading to the United States...But Fox Sports wouldn’t let the wall itself into the commercial. The company’s director of marketing said Fox cited “concerns about some elements,”

It's 28-3 in the third quarter and the president has left his Super Bowl party. - Jennifer Epstein, Bloomberg reporter tweeting live

Trump Flatly Refuses To Criticize Putin Because?
President Donald Trump appeared to equate US actions with the authoritarian regime of Russian President Vladimir Putin in an interview released Saturday, saying, "There are a lot of killers...

Still no proof of that golden shower, but Trump just gave Putin a bl*w j*b on national TV.- Andy Borowitz

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Trump puts US on moral par with Putin's Russia. Never in history has a President slandered his country like this. - Bret Stephens, Wall Street Journal

Trump Is Doubling Down For Putin
Retired general: Trump's Putin defense may be "most anti-American statement" ever made by US president...

Rock The Voter News

Ginsburg: If Trump Ever Calls Me a So-called Judge I'll Kick His Ass. - Andy Borowitz

Trump The Assassin Minus The Assin
MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough said, the world must assume that President Donald Trump believes that it’s acceptable to assassinate or imprison journalists and political rivals.
The “Morning Joe” host said Trump’s repeated refusal to condemn Vladimir Putin’s brutal actions toward his critics and rivals must be considered approval.

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LOL

Biz/Tech News

Dodd-Frank was like trying to solve a shark problem by hiring more lifeguards.
Repeal is like giving the sharks Uzis & all your passwords.- John Fugelsang

Impeachment? Already?
Constitutional Law Professor Laurence Tribe, a renowned professor at Harvard Law School, believes that President Donald Trump‘s handling of the litigation surrounding his controversial executive order on immigration could end up being grounds for impeachment... to allegations that the Trump Administration purposely slow walked a Virginia judge’s order to provide travelers detained at Dulles airport last weekend with lawyers...The Department of Homeland Security’s Office of the Inspector General is also investigating after complaints that Customs and Border Protection defied court orders...

"The Vatican is ahead of The White House right now when it comes to science." - John Fugelsang

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All Hat No Cattle "I'm Terrified Trump Is Going To Get Us All Killed" Fundraiser

Friday, February 3, 2017

Say Goodbye To Your Life Savings. Again.

Trump Moves to Roll Back Obama-Era Financial Regulations
President Trump moved to roll back the Obama administration’s legacy on financial regulation on Friday, announcing an array of steps to undo rules enacted to prevent a repeat of the 2008 financial crisis and turning to the Wall Street titans he had demonized during his campaign for advice.

Former President Obama was spotted on vacation in the Virgin Islands yesterday, wearing a backwards baseball cap and flip-flops, and completely ignoring the Bat Signal.- Seth Myers

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

World leaders receive crank calls from someone claiming to be president of the United States. - Andy Borowitz

Meanwhile, Russia Continues Hacking Away
Norway's security service says nine email accounts - including those belonging to the Labour party, the foreign ministry and defense ministry - have been targeted by hackers believed to be the same Russia-linked group blamed for breaking into ..

Guys, it is the first day of February. Which of course is the shortest month, with just 28 days — as opposed to January, which felt like it had 200. - Jimmy Fallon

Trump Created 100,000 Enemies
At least 100,000 visas have been revoked in a single week in response to President Trump's executive immigration order, a lawyer for the Justice Department revealed in court Friday.

Republican Shenanigans

Kellyanne Tells Another Whopper
President Donald Trump’s counselor, Kellyanne Conway, has come under fire after blaming two Iraqi refugees for the so-called Bowling Green Massacre, which never actually happened.
Kellyanne Conway's invention of an imaginary massacre in Bowling Green single-handedly created two million fact-checking jobs, the Labor Department reports.

White House women have to #DressLikeAWoman but bloated Nazi Steve Bannon gets to walk around looking like he slept in a drainage ditch. - Jeff Tiedrich

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If Michelle Obama had insisted on living inside a golden tower at taxpayer expense white people would have burned this country to the ground. - Jason Miller

Rock The Voter News

Hillary Clinton is reportedly writing a book of personal essays due to be released this fall. It will be the first political memoir written entirely in all caps.- Seth Myers

Nancy Pelosi Nails Steve Bannon To A White Cross
House Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi called President Donald Trump's chief strategist a white supremacist Thursday, saying he has no ...

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One day after Tillerson's approval, House is gutting an anti-corruption rule requiring oil companies to disclose payments to foreign govts! - Sen. Tim Kaine

Biz/Tech News

Please pray for Ivanka Trump, marketed as the “nice” Trump shameless grifter. Neiman Marcus is also dropping items she pretends to design. Mrs. Betty Bowers

Thank Gawd! Finally, US Oil, Gas And Mining Companies Can Deal In Secret!
The Senate Friday gave its thumbs up to a resolution to nullify a SEC rule requiring oil, gas and mining companies to reveal their payments to foreign governments.
It was the second time this week lawmakers sent President Donald Trump a Congressional Review Act resolution undoing an Obama administration regulation. He is expected to sign it.

Today, a top football prospect for Michigan State was unable to sign his letter of intent because he’s in jail. Sounds like somebody’s ready for the NFL! - Conan O'Brien

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All Hat No Cattle "Terrified Of Trump" Fundraiser

The tiny handed terrorist returns.

Thursday, February 2, 2017

Crocodile Dundee Gives Trump A Trim

Trump had heated exchange with Australian PM, talked 'tough hombres' with Mexican leader
Donald Trump's roller coaster ride toward diplomacy continued late Wednesday night with a tweet calling an Obama-era agreement with Australia to accept refugees a "dumb deal."

Raise your hand if you think the email lady would have threatened war with Mexico and hung up on Australia ten days into her presidency. - Jeff Tiedrich

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

If you're still trying to convince yourself that a 21st century coup is not underway, please, please snap out of it. - Michael Moore

Trump Threatens Berkeley
President Trump threatened Thursday to withhold federal funds from University of California at Berkeley for canceling a speech by Breitbart editor Milo Yiannopoulos after violence broke out.

Reports of Trump hanging up on the Australian Prime Minister make me wonder how Melania's anti-bullying campaign is going.- Andy Borowitz

Republican Shenanigans

Every new thing Trump does makes me think his penis must be even smaller than I previously thought.- Andy Borowitz

So, Who Is Going To Check Foreign Visitor's Social Media Pages? The TSA?
President Donald Trump’s chief strategist, Steve Bannon, appears to be consolidating power within the White House — and his machinations are alarming former officials who have worked there.
The former Breitbart News chief and Trump’s son-in-law Jared Kushner have set up an internal think tank called the Strategic Initiatives Group that’s reportedly behind a proposal to force overseas visitors to reveal their social media contacts before entering the U.S.

The only reason anyone has to "play The Race Card" is 400 years of an extremely stacked deck. - John Fugelsang

Republicans Threaten Fellow Republican
A Republican lawmaker in deep-blue Hawaii is considering switching parties to become a Democrat after she was pressured to give up her leadership role for criticizing President Donald Trump.

So glad that Donald J. Trump is finally standing up to America's longtime arch-enemies, Mexico and Australia. - Andy Borowitz

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Rock The Voter News

I'd like to remind the rest of the world that more than half of you still haven't been threatened or insulted by our new POTUS so calm down. - John Fugelsang

Twitter Must Feel Guilty Not Shutting Down Trump's Account
Twitter will donate $1.59 million to the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) in response to President Trump’s immigration order.

Jeff Sessions is so dangerous that a Republican-controlled Senate rejected his nomination to a federal judgeship 30 years ago. - Elizabeth Warren

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Trump and his mother obviously used the same hair stylist.

Biz/Tech News

I understand Trump is now calling for a wall with Australia. - John Aravosis

Trump Tax Plans To Raise Costs For Everyone
Wal-Mart shoppers aren't the only ones who could suffer under a tax plan that President Donald Trump is warming up to -- U.S. investors who trade on the London Stock Exchange, the Deutsche Boerse and Euronext might also take a hit.

Thirty-one pounds of cocaine have been found hidden in the nose of an American Airlines jet. Authorities became suspicious when the plane flew from Miami to New York in 16 minutes. - Conan O'Brien

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All Hat No Cattle "I'M TERRIFIED OF TRUMP" Fundraiser

Monday, February 6, 2017

I miss a sane president

Friday, February 3, 2017

Say Goodbye To Your Life Savings. Again.

Thursday, February 2, 2017

Crocodile Dundee Gives Trump A Trim

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