Governor vows to arrest Democrats who fled Texas to block voting restrictions

Governor vows to arrest Democrats who fled Texas to block voting restrictions

Lawmakers flew to Washington DC to deny legislature a quorum but Greg Abbott says he will call special sessions indefinitely.

Democrats Agree to Return to Texas if Greg Abbott Leaves. - Andy Borowitz

 

The World Is A Safer Place Without Republicans

• Justice Department says Trump's reinstatement talk could fuel more violence from his supporters
• Qanon-backing Capitol rioter granted release because he mistakenly thought he was storming the White House
• Florida Man Pleads Guilty to Hiring Woman to Kill Couple, Frame BLM Activists
• 'Like a firenado': Homes burn, thousands more threatened as wildfires roar through West
• 'Scary': Fuel shortage could ground firefighting aircraft

Greg Abbott Furious After Texas Democrats Escape Earth’s Atmosphere. - Andy Borowitz

 

Lie Manufacturing Machine Performing Uninterrupted

Former President Donald Trump suggested Sunday that the U.S. Capitol Police officer who shot Ashli Babbitt during the Jan. 6 riot at the Capitol was the "head of security" for a "high-ranking" Democratic member of Congress.

That is false, according to a senior law enforcement official briefed on the matter.

Border Wall Fails To Stop Texas Democratic Legislators From Escaping To Mexico. - Andy Borowitz

Republican Shenanigans

• Trump unloads on Brett Kavanaugh for his Supreme Court votes: "Where would he be without me?"
• Megyn Kelly said media hyped up the capital riots to make it look worse then it actually was
• Anti-vaxx nurse dies from COVID-19 in Louisiana
• ‘Enraged’ Trump supporter hit with multiple charges for attacking man holding ‘Biden beat Bozo’ sign
• Donald Trump Jr. complains dad 'hasn't told me' if he's running again even though he's made the decision
• Bill O'Reilly accuser blows up her NDA and details the sexual harassment claims against the former Fox News star: ‘I never consented but he didn't care’
• Arizona woman accused of casting dead mother's mail-in ballot is a registered Republican

Free Uterus Inspection Courtesy Of Texas

A group of abortion providers and abortion rights advocates filed suit in federal court on Tuesday to block a recently passed Texas law that allows for anyone in the U.S. to sue abortion providers or anyone else who helps someone get an abortion in Texas after the law’s proposed six-week limit.

The $10,000 'abortion bounties' signed into law by Texas Governor Greg Abbott, mean that women will face harsher punishment for getting an abortion after a rape, than men face for COMMITTING the rape itself.

This is reproductive terrorism. - Jake Lobin

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Courage looks a lot like Democrats in Texas. - John Collins

Rock The Voter News

• Biden to pick former West Virginia health official as nation’s drug czar
• President Joe Biden Arrives In Philadelphia
• GOP state voting restrictions 'un-American,' Biden declares

Fox News is so hungry for ratings and viewers that it is literally killing many of them just to keep the others angry, mistrustful and glued to their screens. - George Takei

Ken Starr Is Even Worse Than I Already Thought
Ken Starr, the lawyer who hounded Bill Clinton over his affair with Monica Lewinsky, waged a “scorched-earth” legal campaign to persuade federal prosecutors to drop a sex-trafficking case against the billionaire financier Jeffrey Epstein relating to the abuse of multiple underaged girls, according to a new book.

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The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. And stupid. We should be scared sh*tless of stupid. - Middle Age Riot

 

Business/Tech News

• Biden administration says states can restart pandemic unemployment benefits as lawsuits mount
• Prices keep soaring: Inflation rockets to a 13-year high
• 17-million-gallon sewage spill at Los Angeles' largest treatment plant closes miles of Southern California beaches
• Severe drought threatens Hoover dam reservoir – and water for US west

Trump supporters are threatening to leave the United States, and I’m offering to help them pack. - John Collins

 

My, My, My, The Feds Have Been Busy
A former Chicago bank executive was found guilty Tuesday of charges alleging he conspired with onetime Donald Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort to exchange risky bank loans for a high-ranking position in the presidential administration.

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Odd News

• NASA predicts a "wobble" in the moon's orbit may lead to record flooding on Earth
• Summer Mystery: Glacier Ice Worms Rise Again In The Pacific Northwest
• Giant, invasive goldfish are taking over lakes and ponds around the country. One Minnesota county pulled out 100,000 last year.
•  Stanley Cup dented amid Lightning's boat parade
• Police capture camel running loose in Oklahoma

Time To Deflate Photo

The underside of a mushroom. I like mine, crispy fried.

Peace.

Blows Are Traded at Katie Porter Townhall After Republican Candidate Shows Up With Friends, Cops Arrest 1 While Breaking Up Fracas

Blows Are Traded at Katie Porter Townhall After Republican Candidate Shows Up With Friends, Cops Arrest 1 While Breaking Up Fracas

At an outdoor town hall event for Democrat Katie Porter in California, a small but loud group of dissenters caused a disturbance that led to blows and police this weekend.

Apparently, voting restrictions aren't enough for Republicans, so now they disrupt an opponent's town hall. It's gonna be a long, hot, summer. And guns will probably be involved.

Greg Abbott Calls Texas's New Voting Laws No More Restrictive Than North Korea's.  - Andy Borowitz

The World Is A Safer Place Without Republicans

• President Biden backs anti-government protests in Cuba, and calls on Cuban officials to "hear their people"
• US slaps visa restrictions on Nicaraguan lawmakers, prosecutors, judges
• Florida-based doctor may have plotted to assume presidency in Haiti, police chief suggests
• Newsmax Host Argues Vaccines Go 'Against Nature,' Interfere With Diseases Meant to 'Wipe Out a Certain Amount of People'

Neighbors See Trump Waiting by Mailbox for Reinstatement Notice. - Andy Borowitz

 

Kraken Kraks?

In the first federal court reckoning since the failure of the so-called “Kraken” litigation, a judge on Monday told pro-Trump lawyers Lin Wood, Sidney Powell and their co-counsel that she was concerned that their legal team allowed dodgy affidavits to be filed.

“The court is concerned that these affidavits were submitted in bad faith,” U.S. District Judge Linda Parker said in a blockbuster remark.

Sidney Powell: “Election was stolen!”

Powell Atty: “No reasonable person would believe Powell.”

MAGA: “Powell said election was stolen y'all!”

Tucker: “Vaccines are a plot!”

Fox Atty: “No reasonable person would believe Tucker.”

MAGA: “Tucker said vaccines are a plot y’all!”

- Mrs. Betty Bower

I hate to tell you this, but Donald Trump Jr is going to be indicted long before Hunter Biden ever is.

actually, I love to tell you this. cry more. - Jeff Tiedrich

 

Republican Shenanigans

• Trump says being impeached twice didn't change him: 'I became worse'
• Trump Election Lawyer Jenna Ellis Accuses RNC Chair Ronna McDaniel of Lying About Spat Over 2020 Election
• Tomi Lahren Defends Caitlyn Jenner After CPAC Attack, Gets Blasted From All Sides
• During Donald Trump's CPAC Speech, Fox News Adds Disclaimer That 'Voting Systems Companies Have Denied' His Election Fraud Claims
• Trump Has Shocking Moment of Honesty During CPAC Speech, Says Straw Poll Is Only Accurate If It's Good For Him; If It's Bad, He'll 'Just Say It's Fake'
• Donald Trump Criticizes Joe Biden For Owning 'All These Houses' on Lawmaker Salary: He 'Has a Lot of Toothbrushes'
• Texas AG to stop blocking critics on Twitter, ending First Amendment suit
• Melee reported at Porter town hall in California
• Rep. Madison Cawthorn Suggests Biden's Vax Outreach Is a Plot to Steal Bibles

Why would they take your Bibles when they are available for free online? - John Collins

 

Oh, Look, Another Crazy "Christian"

One of the people charged in the January 6 siege on the U.S. Capitol Building is representing herself in federal court and going with what appears to be a sovereign citizen defense.

“I am here by special divine appearance, a living soul,” Pauline Bauer said in a court appearance via Zoom on June 11, according to a report from The Daily Beast. She did not want an attorney, she said. “I do not stand under the law. Under Genesis 1, God gave man dominion over the law.”

If Trump really wants to bring down Facebook he should buy it and run it for a couple of years. - Travis Allen

 

If Donald Trump convinced his followers to ignore speed limits and stop wearing seatbelts, Republicans would blame the increased auto fatalities on Joe Biden. - Middle Age Riot

 

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Not once has Joe Biden fondled an American flag. - John Collins

 

Rock The Voter News

• Texas Democrats plan walkout to block election overhaul bill
• Schumer calls for NRA to be investigated for bankruptcy fraud
• Jill Biden teaming with 'Sesame Street' to help military families discuss race with children
• Robert E. Lee statue removed in Charlottesville

Trump Has Robert E. Lee Statue Moved To His Bedroom. - Andy Borowitz

Anti Vaccine Whining Will Commence Shortly

One day after Dr. Anthony Fauci called for vaccine mandates on the local level, the White House is stating that it will support municipalities who choose to enact them.

Treasury Phasing Out All Bills Except $1s and $100s As Income Inequality Renders Middle Currencies Irrelevant. -  The Onion

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Business/Tech News

• Average price of gas rises 5 cents in last two weeks
• EU delaying work on digital tax proposal amid global talks
• Tech company estimates recovery for 90 percent of clients by Monday night after massive cyberattack
• Acosta to Trump: Take your fake White House seal and play president somewhere else

Remember kids: if you study hard, get good grades, go to a good college, get a job, work hard, never take a sick day, live within your means and do what you're told ... then one day your boss might go to space. - Dan Price

 

Watching the Charlottesville Robert E. Lee statue coming down is like porn for moral people. - John Fugelsang

 

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Odd News

• 2021 marks deadliest year for manatees in Florida recorded history
• Passenger who tried to open airliner door restrained with duct tape
• Yum! Woman eats 50 chili dogs in 22 minutes at Michigan bar
• Class ring lost in Florida Keys waters found 36 years later
• Sealed copy of 'Super Mario 64' sells for a record $1.56 million
• Michigan man finds 160 bowling balls under back stairs

Time To Deflate Photo

A painted bunting. Here's looking at you, kid.

Peace.

‘We are screwed’: Missouri braces for the worst as anti-vaxxers pack into tourist traps

‘We are screwed’: Missouri braces for the worst as anti-vaxxers pack into tourist traps

The coronavirus is surging in Missouri, where fewer than 39 percent of residents have been fully vaccinated, and even those who are inoculated are fearing the...

FREEDUMB!

 

The World Is A Safer Place Without Republicans

• The FBI says it infiltrated a militia-style group's 'Bible study' after tracking a suspect in the Capitol riot
• Florida Republicans to host rally calling for Jan. 6 insurrectionists to be released
• Report warned parts of Surfside condo had zero remaining years of useful life
• Florida Condo Collapse: The Death Toll Is Now At 78
• Aftershocks expected for days following magnitude 6 quake that shook California-Nevada border
• Fans banned at Olympics as Tokyo goes under a state of emergency

How can a member of Congress be more concerned with regulating my vagina than in investigating an insurrection against the United States? - Gabby tweet

 

Toyota Decides Not To Donate To Congressional Insurrectionist Supporters
After taking serious flak over political donations made to Republican members of Congress who voted against certifying the 2020 presidential election, Toyota has announced it will stop donations to those members. According to Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington, the company’s political action committee has given $56,000 to 38 members of Congress who objected to the certification election on January 6.

9 July 1776. A statue of King George III was pulled down in New York City, after the US Declaration of Independence was read out to a large cheering crowd and members the Continental Army.

I💓NY

First they came for the Confederate statues, and I did not speak out— because seriously, f*ck the Confederacy. - Jeff Tiedrich

Republican Shenanigans

• Trump Reportedly Raging at Kim Guilfoyle's Gig with Certain Senate Campaign: 'Why The F*ck Is She Working For Him?'
• Trump Organization CFO Allen Weisselberg has been terminated as the director of one of Trump's golf courses in Scotland
• Trump Organization Indictment May Spell Trouble for Ivanka, Don Jr., and Eric Trump
• Michigan Judge Refuses to Allow Sidney Powell, Lin Wood, and Other 'Kraken' Attorneys to Skip Sanctions Hearing
• Frustrated Trump bypassed Barr to ask US attorneys to investigate voter fraud -- and they ignored him: book
• Former McCain Chief of Staff Dishes on Senator's Stormy Relationship With Trump: 'John McCain Thought Trump Was an Asshole'
• California police officers sue city over Black Lives Matter mural
• Stephen Miller Claims Biden 'Dealt a Better Hand' Than Any Other Presiden

I would give up chocolate for a week if it meant that I could watch footage of the GLORIOUS moment when General Milley apparently, "spun around in his seat and pointed a finger directly at Stephen Miller," and told him to "shut the f*ck up" - Jake Lobin

 

Manchin & Sinema Praised By GOP Lawmakers. Anyone Surprised?
Progressive activists erupted in anger on Friday after several Republican GOP lawmakers were caught on camera praising Democratic Sens. Joe Manchin (WV) and Kyrsten Sinema (AZ) for their opposition to ending the filibuster, which has stalled many of the left's major priorities.

There’s something obscenely American about refusing a vaccine that millions around the world are desperate to get. - George Takei

 

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I have a confession to make:

I volunteer to read to kids at my local library and once the librarian walks away I teach them Critical Race Theory. - Travis Allen

Rock The Voter News

• Nancy Pelosi's office calls Trump a 'twice-impeached Florida retiree'
• Biden to deliver voting rights speech in Philadelphia
• Kamala Harris and Her 'Dysfunctional' Staff Throw Party at VP's Residence

California Dreaming Drying
California Gov. Gavin Newsom (D) called on residents of the state to cut their water use by 15 percent as the state expanded its drought emergency declaration to 50 of the state’s 58 counties.

People often comment: ‘how come Trump never sues you’ because he doesn’t really file lawsuits he knows he can’t win. He sues contractors and folks he owes money to, so he can pay pennies on the dollar. He steers clear of folks who know the deal. Donnie’s a coward in cuban heels. - Noel Casler

 

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Just spent an hour talking about cryptocurrency, which means I officially don’t have a day job. - Conan O'Brien

 

Business/Tech News

• GM Recalling 400,000 Pickup Trucks
• Biden to call for greater bank merger scrutiny, customer control of financial data
• Federal government has paid tech contractor $6.1M to create database for Jan. 6 evidence
• Humiliating Video Montage of Slobbering Media Love Affair with Michael Avenatti is... Yikes

Let me be clear: capitalism without competition isn’t capitalism. It’s exploitation. - President Biden

 

Four Seasons Total Landscaping Is Now Holding Concerts Not Rudy Giuliani Pressers!
Four Seasons Total Landscaping, the Philadelphia-area small business that inadvertently ended up playing a key role in a very bizarre chapter of the soap opera of the 2020 election, is continuing to capitalize on their newfound fame, launching a concert series and continuing to mercilessly troll Rudy Giuliani.

Sometime I worry about being a success in a mediocre world. - Lily Tomlin

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Odd News

• NASA, Northrop Grumman Finalize Moon Outpost Living Quarters Contract
• Facebook teaches AI-powered robot to adapt while walking
• Match matters: The right combination of parents can turn a gene off indefinitely
• China says giant pandas no longer endangered species
• Wedding ring lost in Florida spring found by 10-year-old swimmer
• Wyoming rancher pinned by ATV survives on beer, water 2 days

Time To Deflate Photo

Mount Assiniboine at Provincial Park, British Columbia, Canada.

Peace.