With shots and aid, Biden seeks to renew faith in government

With shots and aid, Biden seeks to renew faith in government

President Biden is leading Democrats in selling the newly signed relief plan, with an early eye on the midterms and restoring Americans' faith in ...

Obama Convinces Republicans To Take Vaccine By Urging Them Not To. - Andy Borowitz

The World Is A Safer Place Without Republicans

• Kim Jong Un's sister warns the U.S. against "causing a stink"
• Judge Releases Two Videos Showing Jacob ‘QAnon Shaman’ Chansley ‘Blatantly Lied’ to 60 Minutes
• Virginia man sentenced to 33 months for role in conspiracy with white supremacist ties
• Bannon loses battle to start right-wing academy in Italy
• New report finds 4,276 children held in CPB custody as of Sunday
• Democrats blast Kevin McCarthy for claim terrorists are crossing southern border

There are members of Congress, who participated in the incitement of an insurrection, who are still walking freely around the halls of the Capitol. - Steven Beschloss

 

Oh, Oh! I Want To See Kavanaugh Cry About Beer, Again!

The FBI is facing new scrutiny for its 2018 background check of Brett Kavanaugh, the supreme court justice, after a lawmaker suggested that the investigation may have been “fake”.

Sheldon Whitehouse, a Democratic senator and former prosecutor who serves on the judiciary committee, is calling on the newly-confirmed attorney general, Merrick Garland, to help facilitate “proper oversight” by the Senate into questions about how thoroughly the FBI investigated Kavanaugh during his confirmation hearing.

If Brett Kavanaugh had sexually assaulted a woman in Benghazi maybe Republicans would have spent more than a week investigating it. - Middle Age Riot

 

 

Republican Shenanigans

• 'Is he ill?': Trump's health questioned after Mar-a-Lago photo with Lara Trump
• GOP Senator Accuses the Biden Administration of Wanting to 'Keep This Pandemic Going'
• New poll shows Cuban-American voters align with GOP
• McConnell offers scathing 'scorched Earth' filibuster warning
• Cornyn, Cruz to lead Senate delegation to border next week
• Republicans flock to Mar-a-Lago for Trump fundraising
• 'You'll be praised': New audio of troubling Trump call heard
• Trump Told Press Secretary She Was 'Weak' and 'Worthless' Because She Refused to Kick Kaitlan Collins Out of Briefing Room
• Ammon Bundy refuses to wear a mask in court, arrested for missing trial
• Minneapolis court denies approving $27m George Floyd settlement

Isn't "Who is the stupidest Republican?" the most difficult question ever? - Mrs. Betty Bowers

 

The Trump Crime Soap Opera Continues...
An attorney representing the former daughter-in-law of the Trump Organization CFO Allen Weisselberg says she's cooperating with prosecutors conducting an inquiry into Donald Trump's finances and "refuses to be silenced."

Senator Ron Johnson is exactly why Kaepernick took a knee. - Trent Capelli

 

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Update: 54 days in, Joe Biden's 0 golf trips have wasted exactly 0 taxpayer dollars. - Jeff Tiedrich

Rock The Voter News

• Democratic super PAC launches six-figure ad buy, kicking off $100 million midterm push
• Newsom Says He'll Appoint Black Woman to Replace Sen. Feinstein, Who Hasn't Offered to Resign
• Michelle Obama speaks out on Meghan Markle and royal family racism scandal

Vaccines Endorsed By All Sane Living Former Presidents. - Andy Borowitz

 

 

Wouldn't It Be Loverly If A Black Man Ousted Rand Paul?

Charles Booker made a run at Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell's (R-Ky.) seat in 2020, but ultimately lost a tight Democratic primary race to Amy McGrath, whom McConnell defeated handily in the general election. Now, the 36-year-old seems ready to launch another campaign.

It'll be Sen. Rand Paul's (R-Ky.) turn to defend his seat in the upper chamber in 2022, and Booker, who announced Monday that he's "strongly considering" a run,

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Business/Tech News

• Banks point finger at IRS for brief stimulus checks delay
• Moderna begins testing vaccine on young children, infants
• Trump Tower officials under investigation for misusing COVID vaccine program designed for hard-hit communities: report
• Retail sales drop 3 percent in February amid harsh winter weather

Holy f*cking sh*t, this thing where we let a competent person be president is actually working out. - Jeff Tiedrich

 

Drug Addiction Creators Want To Morph Into Drug Rehabilitators Via Bankruptcy

Purdue Pharma, the maker of OxyContin, on Tuesday proposed a $10 billion restructuring plan to exit bankruptcy and transfer its assets to a company focused on combating the opioid epidemic.

The plan, filed in U.S. Bankruptcy Court in White Plains, N.Y., would require members of the Sackler family, who own the company, to pay almost $4.3 billion over a decade — a larger amount than in previous proposals.

The Bible is 100% accurate, especially when thrown at close range. - TheTweetOfGod

 

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Odd News

• Space station tosses 2.9-ton hunk of space junk overboard. It will stay in orbit for years.
• Rebel priests defy Vatican, vow to bless same-sex couples
• Bridal party's limo catches fire on way to Las Vegas church
• Florida woman hacked student accounts for homecoming votes
• British man drinks Capri Sun in 16.65 seconds to set Guinness record

Time To Deflate Photo

A grape cluster formed by grape clusters. This cluster is called the Caleb cluster. Más vino por favor.

Peace.

Arrest warrant issued after woman rejects mask at Texas bank

Arrest warrant issued after woman rejects mask at Texas bank
An arrest warrant was issued for a woman who refused to wear a mask at a Texas bank, saying to a police officer: “What are you going to do, arrest me?”

Stephen Colbert asks Dr. Fauci what changed on January 20?

And the good doctor's answer?  "Everything."

 

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam Trump

• Jared Kushner Is Writing a Book About How He Secretly Saved America
• Feds to use Dallas convention center to house 3,000 migrant children
• Bill Cassidy Says Biden Policies ‘Entirely’ to Blame for Migrant Influx at Southern Border
• Two Men Arrested and Charged With Assaulting Brian Sicknick, Officer Who Died After Capitol Attack, With Bear Spray

That was really bad in World War II when the U.S. decided to cancel the Nazis.- Andy Borowitz

 

Conservative Christians: We Are Just Fine Without The Vaccine, Thank You Very Much!
At an event about implementing the American Rescue Plan, President Biden said that local doctors and clergy would be more effective than former President Donald Trump at convincing Republicans who may be reluctant about a vaccine to get vaccinated.

The Proud Boys ain’t called the Smart Boys for a reason. - Middle Age Riot

 

Republican Shenanigans

• Ted Cruz mocked for demanding military meeting to defend Tucker Carlson: 'You wouldn't even defend your own wife!'
• 'Saying the Racist Part Out Loud': CNN's John Berman Shreds Ron Johnson's Comments on the Capitol Mob and BLM
• Jared Kushner Breaks Silence After End of Trump Presidency — to Praise Biden’s Policy on Iran and China
• Billionaire Peter Thiel gives $10 million to super PAC backing potential JD Vance Senate bid in Ohio
• Mississippi governor will forfeit millions in federal money for the pleasure of not expanding Medicaid.
• Pastor Put on Leave For Viral Sermon Berating Women Who Gain Weight Instead of Being 'Epic Trophy Wife' Like Melania Trump
• New York sheriff violated law by flying Trump flag from boat while on duty
• Vatican response on whether Catholic Church can approve same-sex unions: God ‘cannot bless sin’

He paid a porn star $130,000 to keep an affair secret...

And then the Evangelicals built a golden statue of him. - Jake Lobin

 

Florida Hosts Super Spreader Spring Break Two Years In A Row
The mayor of Miami Beach said hundreds of people were arrested and at least two police officers were injured this weekend as thousands of spring breakers flocked to the popular South Florida destination — ignoring COVID-19 safety protocols.

Florida Attempts To Increase Vaccinations By Leaving Loose Syringes Around Beaches. - The Onion

 

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Ted Cruz Accuses Democrats of Trying to Cancel Poverty. - Andy Borowitz

Rock The Voter News

• White House would welcome Trump urging supporters to get vaccinated
• Biden says of Cuomo investigation: 'We should see what it brings'
• California governor launches campaign against likely recall

Complete The Investigation, Already!

New York voters aren’t ready for Gov. Andrew Cuomo (D) to resign just yet, despite calls from top state officials for him to step down in the face of multiple sexual misconduct allegations. 

A new poll from Siena College found that 50 percent of voters in New York believe Cuomo should stay in office for now, while little more than one-third — 35 percent — believe it's time for him to leave the governor’s mansion. 

COVID-19 also says: "And how about that Ron DeSantis? What's not to love about that guy? He doesn't care how many die or how much I spread around as long as those tourist dollars keep rolling in! Goddamn, Florida is just the GREATEST!" - Stephen King

 

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Elon Musk, who claimed COVID would be gone by last April, reopened Tesla's factory in defiance of public health officials. 

We now know that more than 400 cases were reported at the plant after it reopened. 

Repeat after me, billionaires aren't the answer. - Robert Reich

Business/Tech News

• Biden reportedly taps economist Gene Sperling to oversee implementation of $1.9 trillion relief package
• Mexico's last island penal colony may now host cruise ships
• Germany, France and Italy suspend AstraZeneca vaccinations
• The Talk Cancels Live Shows While CBS Investigates Sharon Osbourne Comments

Someone just honked to get me out of my parking spot faster, so now I have to sit here until both of us are dead. - Mariana Z tweet

 

Remember that Pi Day is just a made-up holiday invented by mathematicians to sell you more math. - Dr. Alec Couros 

 

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Odd News

• ‘It was his time to go.’ Man pulls two ears from his pocket, arrested in Florida murder
• Bong made from bone among contraband found at prison in Columbia, SC officials say
• Loose ram chases Ontario cyclist down rural road
• Chimpanzees at Czech zoo get screen time amid virus lockdown
• Australian man's lost surfboard found 16 months later, 1,700 miles away

Time To Deflate Photo

An exquisite unnamed sand sculpture I ran across. Imagine what those grains of sand have seen.

Peace.

Prosecutors seek a slowdown in Capitol attack cases, calling probe the ‘most complex’ in history

Prosecutors seek a slowdown in Capitol attack cases, calling probe the ‘most complex’ in history

U.S. attorneys cited the rapidly growing roster of defendants and the enormous cache of evidence they must sift through.

While Democrats were getting sh*t done, Republicans were wasting everyone's time over children's books and plastic potatoes. - Jeff Tiedrich

The World Is A Safer Place Without Republicans

• Putin: Riot at US Capitol was a 'stroll'
• U.S. Justice Department says will file 100 more cases over Capitol attack
• Fox News bizarrely aired Tucker Carlson's live reactions to Biden's prime-time speech
• 'It's wrong, it's un-American and it must stop': President Biden denounces attacks against Asian Americans
• As Abbott hits Biden for releasing migrants with COVID, White House asks why Texas rejects funds to test them
• Fox & Friends whines about Biden 'kicking' Trump over COVID: 'We don't need to go over the 500,000 dead'
• Mexico approves landmark medical cannabis bill in hopes of combatting powerful drug cartels

I sorta wish that Biden had worn a tan suit during his address last night.

 

I'd Listen To The Capitol Police, Not Inconvenienced Politicians

The top Democrat and Republican on the House Armed Services Committee are calling for curtailing the deployment of thousands of National Guard troops at the Capitol.

The bipartisan pushback Thursday from Armed Services Chair Adam Smith (D-Wash.) and ranking member Mike Rogers (R-Ala.) comes after Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin approved a U.S. Capitol Police request for nearly 2,300 Guardsmen to remain through late May.

Donald Trump is sitting in Mar a Lago, feeling the days slip by and the smell of mildew rising around him. - Rick Wilson

 

Republican Shenanigans

• Trump allies counting on Ron DeSantis to refuse extradition to New York if ex-president gets indicted
• Tucker Casts Doubt on Vaccines After Biden’s COVID-19 Speech
• Republicans in Pennsylvania placed robocalls that appeared to be from 'Johnson & Johnson'
• GOP lawmaker loses job for sponsoring controversial Georgia 'voter suppression' bill
• Fact-checker blows the lid off Lauren Boebert's tale about a man's death being the reason she carries a gun
• Trump blurted insults and showed off lewd photos at Shiva for accountant’s mother: report
• Ghislaine Maxwell selling London home to fund defense in Epstein case
• Prosecutor defends failed effort to convict Iowa journalist

Kentucky Wants To Make It Illegal To Taunt The Police. Seriously.

It could become a crime to taunt a police officer in Kentucky, under a bill that passed the state Senate on Thursday.

The measure was filed months after Louisville, the state's largest city, became the site of huge protests in the wake of the police killing of Breonna Taylor. The bill passed the Republican-dominated Senate 22-11 and now awaits House input.

I called Tucker Carlson a dick on National television. It’s high time I apologize...to dicks. Never should have lumped you in with that terrible terrible person. - Jon Stewart

 

The Republican Party hates Uncle Joe because it's hard for them to make people hate him. And they hate that. - JRehling

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Rock The Voter News

• Biden directs states to make all adults eligible for COVID vaccines by May 1
• 'I Need You!' Biden Implores Americans to Work Together So July 4 Marks 'Independence from the Virus'
• House passes 2 gun control bills
• Cuomo aides called former employees in attempt to discredit accuser: report

Trump Accuses Biden of Assaulting American People with Long Words. - Andy Borowitz

 

Let The Chips Fall Where They May
New York Governor Andrew Cuomo faced growing pressure to resign on Thursday, as the state's assembly speaker authorized an impeachment investigation into the allegations of misconduct he's facing. New York State Assembly Speaker Carl Heastie said he authorized the Assembly Judiciary Committee to begin the investigation, which he said will have the power to interview witnesses and subpoena documents.

"Joe Biden will crash the stock market"

— some genius who went broke running casinos

--- Jeff Tiedrich

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Business/Tech News

• Gold falls, pressured by rising U.S. bond yields, dollar
• Michigan State announces basketball team will now be called "MSU Spartans Presented by Rocket Mortgage"
• Amazon removing books that frame LGBTQ issues as mental illness
• Netflix cracking down on password sharing: ‘You need your own account to keep watching’

What a relief to have a president who isn't a fluorescent tangerine jackass. - Jeff Tiedrich

Russia Breaks Their Internet, Blames Google.

On the same day Russia botched its attempt to censor Twitter, dozens of other websites, including Google and YouTube, went down. Russia is now trying to blame the damage on a fire in another country - a claim Google disputes.

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Odd News

• 'Just Vaccinated' couple tie cans to truck, drive through Colorado town to celebrate
• Spanish police seize a homemade narco-submarine able to carry up to 2.2 tons of cargo
• Brewery catapults keg to new Guinness World Record
• Website hiring 'Minecraft' gardening consultants for virtual landscaping
• Woman arrested for practicing medicine without a Florida license in Doral

Time To Deflate Photo

The General Sherman Tree is the oldest tree in the world and is located in the Giant Forest of Sequoia National Park, California. Not as gnarly as I thought it would be.

Best wishes for a peaceful and safe weekend.