All Hat No Cattle

Monday, January 9, 2017

Trump Directs Hate Tweets At Meryl Streep So We'll Forget About Russia

Trump Hits Back At Meryl Streep In Early-Morning Tweetstorm
Donald Trump on Monday continued his morning ritual of publishing several tweets responding to his critics, this time lashing out at actress Meryl Streep, who criticized the President-elect in her speech at the Golden Globes award ceremony on Sunday night.

"Mr. Trump, we need you in the situation room."
"What is it?"
"An actor said mean things about you, Mr. President."- Will McAvoy

The celebrity president-elect doesn't like celebrities because he is not part of the in crowd. Sad.

The World Is A Safer Place Without Trump

Since foreign hacking is no whoop to Trump fans, surely they'll be cool if the Chinese decide to act as a pro-Democrat Super PAC in 2020. - LOLGOP

Sure, Let's Piss Off China So Our Inflation Will Go Through The Roof Followed By A Recession
China reiterated its opposition Monday to any contacts between U.S. officials and Taiwan's government following a meeting between Texas Sen. Ted Cruz and Gov. Abbott of Texas...

I'm starting to wonder whether Trump could really defeat ISIS, since he was completely trounced by Meryl Streep. - Andy Borowitz

Republican Shenanigans

Conway: Don't go by what Trump says, go by what's "in his heart"
Kellyanne Conway asked CNN host Chris Cuomo why he refuses to give President-elect Donald Trump “the benefit of the doubt” when Trump says he did not mock a disabled reporter during the presidential campaign.

Kellyanne Conway wants us to "look into Trump's heart" which is easy to do, as he's so thin-skinned most internal organs are visible. - John Fugelsang

Although he has not yet been sworn in, it seems as though Trump's Presidency has gone on forf-ckingever. - Andy Borowitz

Why Lie About Frigging Gowns, Trump, Why?
Retailers in Washington, D.C. are disputing President-elect Donald Trump's claim that "all the dress shops are sold out" ahead of his inauguration later this month.

Mitch McConnell Inflates Throat Pouch In Show Of Dominance Over Fellow Congressional Males - The Onion

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Rock The Voter News

Obama signs executive order relocating Congress to Guantanamo. - Andy Borowitz

Obama And Michelle Are Getting Out Of Dodge
President Obama and first lady Michelle Obama plan to leave the nation’s capital after Donald Trump is inaugurated as president on Jan. 20, White House press secretary Josh Earnest announced Monday.

"When I'm wounded I go after people hard, okay? And I try to unwound myself." - Donald Trump

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These intelligence briefings are Trump's idea of hell: an hour of nothing but facts.- Andy Borowitz

Biz/Tech News

If Jared Kushner can do for America what he did for The New York Observer our nation will be a blog within 3 years.- John Fugelsang

McDonald's In China Sells Control To China
McDonald's is selling off most of its China business in a deal worth as much as $2.1 billion.
Citic, a massive Chinese financial firm, is taking the majority stake in McDonald's (MCD) operations in mainland China and Hong Kong.

"The strong guys are gentle, always. It's only weak guys who come on strong." –Keith Richards

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Friday, January 6, 2017

Addressing Election Hacking Woes

Trump calls Russia hacking allegations a 'political witch hunt'
Donald Trump and his team are newly lashing out at the idea that Russia tried to tip the election in Trump's favor, with the president-elect himself labeling it a "political witch hunt" just ahead of his highly anticipated intelligence briefing on ...

If @hillaryclinton must attend the inauguration, I recommend she wear a big, warm Russian hat and swig from a bottle of Stolichnaya. - Joan Walsh Tweet

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam

Three Hundred Million Americans Now Enrolled in Trump University. - Andy Borowitz

How The Brits View Trump
It is not unprecedented for political leaders to fall-out with spies. But a row has never before played out so publicly - with rival pronouncements over Twitter and in front of Congress.

Julian Assange Must Be Irony Free
In a Friday tweet, WikiLeaks slammed the CIA for leaking information to NBC.
"The Obama admin/CIA is illegally funneling TOP SECRET//COMINT information to NBC for political reasons before PEOTUS even gets to read it," the tweet read.

Only two more weeks until I replace Obamacare with Trumpdoesntcare.- Fake Donald J. Trump

Republican Shenanigans

We need guns to protect ourselves.
GOP: Makes sense.
We need Planned Parenthood for affordable screenings to protect ourselves.
GOP: No. - OhNoSheTwitnt

Trump Just Doesn't Pay His Bills, Simply Put.
President-elect Donald Trump’s hotel in Washington, D.C., allegedly owes over $5 million in unpaid bills, according to a new report.
A third lien was recently filed against the Trump International Hotel, The Washington Post reported Friday, claiming about $2.1 million in unpaid fees after two earlier filings claimed over $3 million combined.

Why doesn't Trump self-fund his Great Wall if he's so sure Mexico's going to pay the money back later? No US bank would lend him the money. - Richard Hine

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Rock The Voter News

Maybe if we change the name to Manned Parenthood the GOP won't want to defund it. - OhNoSheTwitnt

Trump To Leave Embassies Leaderless. What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
President-elect Donald Trump is breaking with precedent by demanding that politically appointed ambassadors leave their overseas posts by Inauguration Day, a report by the New York Times stated...The president-elect has taken a stand to not allow any of President Barack Obama’s political appointees to continue beyond inauguration day.

"Being your First Lady has been the greatest honor of my life, and I hope I made your proud." - Michelle Obama Tweet

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Obama Offered to Let Trump’s Grandkids Have Sasha and Malia’s Playsets, Trump Said No
CBS White House correspondent Mark Knoller noticed something unusual during one of this final trips to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue while it is still the home of Barack Obama yesterday.

Biz/Tech News

When you lose on the new Apprentice show, Arnold says "You have been terminated!" and then impregnates your housekeeper. - Michael McKean

Tick Tock
A vast iceberg, expected to be one of the biggest ever recorded with an area almost the size of the U.S. state of Delaware or the Caribbean island state of Trinidad and Tobago, is poised to break off Antarctica.

Actually, I like man buns but I thought this was funny!

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Thursday, January 5, 2017

Revenge shall be mine says the Trumpet

Trump considering plans to restructure intelligence agency
President-elect Donald Trump is considering plans to restructure and slim down a top U.S. intelligence agency, a person familiar with the discussions said Thursday. The move comes after Trump questioned the intelligence community's assessment that Russia interfered with the presidential election on his behalf.

If Twitter goes down, American foreign policy will have to rely on skywriting.- Conan O'Brien

The World Is A Safer Place Without Trump

Nobody is accusing President-elect Trump of hostility to all intelligence gathering. He profited enormously from the work of Russian spies. - David Frum

Nothing To See Here. Move On.
More than 150 financial institutions hold debts connected to president-elect, analysis shows.

Why does Trump again and again and again take it upon himself to be Vladimir Putin's defense lawyer? - Sen. Tim Kaine

Republican Shenanigans

Make America Sick Again - brought to you by Prayer Against Care. - John Fugelsang

Fox & Trump Unite
Rupert Murdoch moved swiftly and unexpectedly to fill the void opened up by Megyn Kelly’s departure for NBC. Thursday morning, Fox News announced Tucker Carlson is taking over Kelly’s 9 p.m. slot. Carlson’s ascension to prime time is significant in several ways, the most crucial being this: It’s another sign that Murdoch is pushing Fox News in a more pro-Trump direction.

Call me a Hollywood elitist, but I think it's unconscionable that the richest country in the world would go back to bankrupting the sick. - John Legend

Ineligible Electors? Why, Of Course.
At issue are charges that many of those who voted for Donald Trump were ineligible to serve as presidential electors because they either didn’t live in the congressional district they represented or because they held elective office in states legally barring dual officeholders.

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Rock The Voter News

Because nothing says "small gov't" conservative like gangs of old white men telling you what you can do with your uterus.- The Baxter Bean

Republicans Want To Shut Down Democratic Cities
After consolidating power in Washington, D.C., and state capitals under President-elect Donald Trump, Republicans are moving to prevent large cities dominated by Democrats from enacting sweeping liberal agendas.
Republican state legislatures are planning so-called preemption laws, which prevent cities and counties from passing new measures governing everything from taxes to environmental regulations and social issues.

We simply cannot afford to spend $80 billion annually on incarceration. - President Barack Obama
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Biz/Tech News

The only thing Donald Trump has in common with his supporters is that they've all chosen to reject intelligence. - John Fugelsang

GOP Lining Up Their Ducks To Deal With Pesky Federal Employees
House Republicans this week reinstated a procedural rule created in 1876 that allows lawmakers to cut the pay of individual federal workers down to $1

When God closes a door, throw a chair through a window.- John Fugelsang

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Monday, January 9, 2017

Trump Directs Hate Tweets At Meryl Streep So We'll Forget About Russia

Friday, January 6, 2017

Addressing Election Hacking Woes

Thursday, January 5, 2017

Revenge shall be mine says the Trumpet

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