Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Trump won't attend White House dinner



Trump won't attend White House dinner
Donald Trump says he will not be attending this year's White House Correspondents' Association dinner despite receiving a flurry of invitations from the media.
Trump attended the annual dinner in 2011, only to have President Obama poke fun at him repeatedly in his comedy routine. The resulting press coverage did not sit well with the GOP front-runner.



Why do I have a feeling if Donald Trump doesn't win he's going to sue all of us?- Jimmy Kimmel








The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam



Thanks Dubya!
More than 90 percent of 18- to 24-year-olds in Iraq consider the United States to be an enemy of their country.






Colorado has a month-long process of local meetings where they just meet and choose the delegates. Somehow Ted Cruz made a clean sweep, he got all of them. So Trump criticized the process. Trump says the Republican Party is trying to slow his momentum by using what he called crooked shenanigans, which are the worst kind of shenanigans.- Jimmy Kimmel



Republican Shenanigans



Now that it's been shown that the Governor of North Carolina has no balls it's unclear which bathroom he's allowed to use. - Andy Borowitz







Rubio Wants Cuba To Keep Its Poor People! He's So Republican!
Senator Marco Rubio called on Wednesday for a change in U.S. policy toward Cuban immigrants, seeking to stop providing refugee benefits to those coming from the island strictly for economic reasons.



The truth is Paul Ryan would have ran for president if anyone had bought his book you don't remember coming out.- LOLGOP







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Hillary Clinton & Bill De Blasio's lame joke about race was deeply upsetting to white people who don't get upset about actual racists. - John Fugelsang



Rock The Voter News






*32,000 people die of gun violence each year.* 
Enforce the current laws.

*I Am Cait premiers*
WE NEED NEW LAWS TO PROTECT THE BATHROOMS. - LOLGOP





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Why do women need equal pay when they can get insulted by hundreds of men on the internet for free?- LOLGOP






Business/Tech News



Hotel and casino tycoon Steve Wynn is under fire after he said, “Rich people only like being around rich people. Nobody likes being around poor people, especially poor people.” In related news, Donald Trump needs a new opening line for his inauguration speech.- Jimmy Fallon






U.S. Sues Halliburton
The U.S. Justice Department on Wednesday sued to block the $34 billion merger of oil-field services giants Halliburton and Baker Hughes, a tie-up the companies had pursued in the wake of slumping oil prices.






Researchers are saying that men who marry intelligent women are less likely to develop dementia later in life. After hearing this, Kanye West said, "Where am I?"- Conan O'Brien





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Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Larry Flynt set to release Trump porn parody



Larry Flynt set to release Trump porn parody
Hustler magazine founder Larry Flynt says he’s sending a pornographic spoof of GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump to every Republican member of Congress.



“At this point, Trump is America’s back mole: It may have seemed harmless a year ago, but now that it’s gotten frighteningly bigger, it is no longer wise to ignore it.”  - John Oliver, The Daily Show






The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam



Torture gave us real information about Osama bin Laden, say the politicians who fed us false information about Iraq.- John Fugelsang





North Korea Says Abe Lincoln Wants Them To Have Nukes! Really!
North Korea has tried warnings of nuclear attack and racist diatribes to criticize U.S. President Barack Obama. Now it's turning to Abraham Lincoln.
North Korea's state media have constructed an imaginary letter from the 16th U.S. president that attacks Obama's "deception" over Pyongyang's pursuit of nuclear weapons.










Republican Shenanigans


BREAKING: Paul Ryan to announce he will not accept the GOP nomination. Unless they ask really nicely.- Tea Party Cat






Kasich thinks you have to have a good reason to deny someone things -- like you're poor and have a uterus.- LOLGOP





Trump Loves Ayn Rand
...Trump described himself as an Ayn Rand fan. He said of her novel The Fountainhead, “It relates to business (and) beauty (and) life and inner emotions. That book relates to ... everything.” He identified with Howard Roark, the novel's idealistic protagonist who designs skyscrapers and rages against the establishment.
When I pointed out that The Fountainhead is in a way about the tyranny of groupthink, Trump sat up and said, “That’s what is happening here.”





The people who've spent the last 8 years calling Obama 'Hussein' would really like you to stop calling Ted Cruz 'Rafael.'- John Fugelsang




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Rock The Voter News


Freedom Fighters
More than 400 people were arrested Monday for peacefully protesting money's influence in politics outside the US Capitol.






We need to fix money in politics. And we need to fix our rigged electoral system. But that will still leave us with a third problem, our oversupply of stupid voters.- Andy Borowitz






Inspiring to see Kasich and Cruz just say, "WTF! Just steal the election from millions of voters. We're Republicans after all!"- LOLGOP




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Business/Tech News



Nothing Could Be Finer Than To Be In Carolina -- Except Now
Deutsche Bank (DBKGn.DE) is freezing plans to create 250 new jobs at its Cary, North Carolina, location after the state passed a controversial law targeting lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) citizens.






If a ballplayer bets on his own team to fail, he's banned.
If Goldman Sachs bets on the mortgage they sold you to fail, they're bailed out.- John Fugelsang







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Monday, April 11, 2016

Why Donald Trump is lying low



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Why Donald Trump is lying low
Donald Trump is trying something new: playing it safe.
With a commanding lead in the latest polls ahead of the New York GOP primary, the Republican front-runner is dodging the spotlight -- and staying out of trouble.



I'm having a hard time with a man who wants to kick eleven million people out of the country and register members of a religious group complaining that he's being treated unfairly.- Andy Borowitz







The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam



As for how Obama should spend his remaining time in office, McConnell said, “If the President has trouble doing nothing, we will be more than happy to show him how it is done.”- Andy Borowitz








George Bush gave me my big break.
Inside Erik Prince’s Treacherous Drive to Build a Private Air Force
...One of the mechanics soon recognized Echo Papa from news photos — he was Erik Prince, founder of the private security firm Blackwater. Several of the Airborne staff whispered among themselves, astonished that they had been working for America’s best-known mercenary. The secrecy and strange modification requests of the past four months began to make sense. In addition to surveillance and laser-targeting equipment, Airborne had outfitted the plane with bulletproof cockpit windows, an armored engine block, anti-explosive mesh for the fuel tank, and specialized wiring that could control rockets and bombs. The company also installed pods for mounting two high-powered 23 mm machine guns. By this point, the engineers and mechanics were concerned that they had broken several Austrian laws but were advised that everything would be fine as long as they all kept the secret.






The guys who say private gun sales are a intimacy that the government should stay out of need to see your birth certificate before you pee.- LOLGOP






Republican Shenanigans



Please take a moment to feel a little compassion for the people whose biggest problem is that gay people want to pay them to do their jobs.- LOLGOP









The Trump Effect
White high school soccer fans chanted, “Donald Trump, build that wall,” at a group of black and Latina players from an opposing team last week in Wisconsin.
Some of the players from the Beloit Memorial girls varsity soccer team walked off the field during the game Thursday at Elkhorn Area High School after they were taunted with racial slurs and the pro-Trump chant, reported WISC-TV.





Trump is so bad at being a Republican, he didn't even realize that they steal elections they can't win. - LOLGOP









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Donald Trump announced he's changing up his campaign staff and adding a convention manager. Which is the most creative way I've heard someone describe the word "Bouncer."- Jimmy Fallon






Rock The Voter News



I have to say that I support the GOP establishment's effort to take away Donald Trump's job and give it to a Hispanic man who didn't earn it. - LOLGOP






"Hillary Would Beat Him From Jail"
Like an army decimated on the battlefield, the vanquished Republican operatives allied with Jeb Bush have shed their uniforms, collected as much ammo as they could carry and taken to the hills to wage bitter guerrilla war against Donald Trump.




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Yesterday, former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani announced that he's voting for Donald Trump in the upcoming New York primary. When asked why, Giuliani said, “Because if he wins, he'll have to move to Washington.”- Jimmy Fallon



Business/Tech News


Pro-Life/Pro-Choice Donald Trump
Loves Fox News/hates Fox News
Loves Reince/hates Reince

He'll nuke Europe and change his mind right after. - linnyitssn tweet







Wow. Three Extra Days To File Your Taxes
Taxpayers are getting a bit of a break this year. The filing deadline is next Monday, April 18th. The usual deadline of April 15th falls on Friday this year, the Emancipation Day holiday in Washington, D.C....





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