All Hat No Cattle

Thursday, June 18, 2015

Pope Francis Believes In Man Made Global Warming

Pope Francis blames greedy profiteers for destruction of ‘our Sister, mother Earth’ in landmark encyclical
Pope Francis on Thursday issued a global plea for action to prevent “extraordinary” climate change from destroying the planet and said wealthy countries must bear primary responsibility for creating the problem and for solving it.

Pope Admits God Should Have Spent More Time Making People's Brains. - Andy Borowitz

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam

Imagine if there were people who displayed the swastika and claimed it was just a proud symbol of their heritage. Confederate flag, anyone? - Jeff Tiedrich

Do You Know Who Is As Dangerous As A Muslim Terrorist? A White Racist.
A 21-year-old white man suspected of killing nine people at a historic African-American church in Charleston, South Carolina was arrested on Thursday after an attack that the United States is investigating as a hate crime.

"Dylann Storm Roof"? Seriously? What's up with the weird names that white people are always giving their kids? #CharlestonShooting. - Jeff Tiedrich

Republican Shenanigans

I enjoy hearing about how actors shouldn't express their political opinions from people who worship Ronald Reagan.- John Fugelsang

Proof Guns Don't Keep You Safe
Contrary to what the gun lobby argues, personal firearms in the United States are rarely used for self-defense ...In 2012, it said, only 259 “justifiable homicides” involving a private citizen were reported, compared to 8,342 criminal homicides committed with a gun.

The people who are offended by "Happy Holidays" want to know what your problem with the Confederate flag is.- LOLGOP

Rock The Voter News

GOP Latino Reach Out Is Not Happening
Latino leaders held a convention, but only one Republican candidate came.
In an autopsy of Mitt Romney’s 2012 presidential election loss, the Republican Party concluded it was “imperative” for GOP candidates to step up their engagement with Latinos in order to win back the White House.

Did you see Donald Trump's big announcement today? Trump is very confident. He could be the only presidential candidate to ever pick himself as a running mate.- JimmyKimmel

Trade your Confederate flags for Medicaid expansion. You'll thank us later.- LOLGOP

Lester Holt Replaces Brian Williams
Andrew Lack, Chairman of NBC News and MSNBC, on Thursday announced that Lester Holt will be named the permanent anchor of "NBC Nightly News."

Jeb: “George already invaded Iraq, and Dad did it before him. Call it my independent streak, but I want to spawn some disasters of my own.”- Andy Borowitz

Business/Tech News

Donald Trump is porn for Satan.- John Fugelsang

$612 Billion Defense Policy Bill Faces Veto. Good.
The Senate passed an annual $612 billion defense policy bill Thursday, including extra war funding for the Pentagon that brought a veto threat from the White House.

An English couple has become the world's oldest newlyweds at the ages of 91 and 103. The couple registered at Bed, Bath & the Great Beyond.- Seth Myers

_______________

It's hard work putting food on my family.

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Odd News

Time To Deflate Photo

I always wondered where the Iditarod sled dogs vacationed.

Peace.

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Of, course the 3rd time's the charm!

Senate votes to ban use of torture
The Senate on Tuesday overwhelmingly voted to ban the U.S. from ever again subjecting prisoners to waterboarding, “rectal feeding” and other brutal interrogation practices widely condemned as torture.
In a 78-21 vote, lawmakers on both sides of the aisle supported a new prohibition on "enhanced interrogation" practices and other novel detention methods.

Weird. Watching a Bush brother clown around as Iraq still festers and burns is no less sickening a decade later.- LOLGOP

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam

Donald Trump has a secret plan to learn what ISIS is an acronym for.- LOLGOP

Ambassador Chris Stevens’s Friends Are Tired of This Benghazi Nonsense
The slain diplomat’s friends and colleagues—along with the just-deposed Sid Blumenthal—know that this Benghazi committee’s real goal is to damage Hillary.

Rightwing media hating Hillary again is such vintage 90s nostalgia I'm gonna chug some Zima & listen to Gin Blossoms.- John Fugelsang

Republican Shenanigans

Being a Republican candidate for president is a great way to find out your favorite musicians despise you.- LOLGOP

Jeb Doesn't Seem To Have A Strategy
Jeb Bush said Tuesday that the enhanced interrogation techniques deployed by his brother after Sept. 11 attacks were no longer appropriate, that he hoped the Supreme Court would rule against same-sex marriage, and mocked Hillary Rodham Clinton for passing few laws during her eight years in the Senate.

As America’s Best Christian™, I'm so close to Jesus, the rest of the Trinity calls me “Yoko” behind my back.- Mrs. Betty Bowers

Jesus never called the poor 'lazy,' fought for tax cuts for the wealthiest Nazarenes or asked a leper for a copay.- John Fugelsang

Limbaughtomies Are Working
The good news for Rush Limbaugh: One month after being notified he was getting dumped by his Boston talk radio host station, the talker has a new AM home in the city.
The bad news: The station currently boasts a 0.6 rating, trails four non-commercial stations in the market, and becomes yet another big-city, cellar-dwelling outpost that Limbaugh is forced to call home.

BREAKING: Donald Trump candidacy revealed as desperate ploy to force NBC to shoot another season of The Apprentice. - The Daily Edge

What? A Republican Kicks Another Republican Out Of A Closed Benghazi Meeting?
Former House Oversight Committee Chairman Darrell Issa (R-Calif.) tried to crash former Hillary Clinton adviser Sidney Blumenthal’s deposition before the House Select Committee on Benghazi on Tuesday.
Issa marched into the closed-door deposition and remained inside for about a minute before he was escorted out by the panel’s chairman, Rep. Trey Gowdy (R-S.C.).

Rock The Voter News

Bernie Draws Huge Crowds
Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders has drawn huge crowds recently. He packed Drake University’s auditorium, drew 1,000 people in New Hampshire, and the attendance was estimated at 5,000 at a stop in Minnesota.

Rachel Dolezal, the white woman pretending to be African American, has resigned from her position in the NAACP. She was last spotted walking out of the NAACP offices with a box full of her Coldplay CDs.- Conan O'Brien

Uh Oh. This Dolezal Family Has The Crazy Factor
The saga of the Dolezal clan, a family at war with itself, is getting more complicated.
Even as Rachel Dolezal, the Spokane NAACP president whose parents outed her as white, resigned from the organization on Monday ahead of a “Today” show interview, another Dolezal was thrust into the spotlight.

Scientists are serious about climate change. Insurance companies are too. Even the Pope is.

GOP: We're gonna trust big oil on this one.- LOLGOP

Business/Tech News

Trickle Down Economics works because if you give rich people enough money, some of it's bound to end up with the poor somehow. Maybe as a tip on a pizza.- Republican God

New NASA studies show how the world is running out of water
Drought-stricken California is not the only place draining underground aquifers in the hunt for fresh water.
It's happening across the world, according to two new studies by U.S. researchers released Tuesday.

Beachgoers in Florida have been warned about deadly flesh-eating bacteria in the water. Of course, if you’re even in Florida, you’ve already ignored a few warnings. - Seth Myers

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Odd News

Time To Deflate Photo

Sometimes, you just need a break from the stress of life.

Peace.

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Texas Wants Its Own Fort Knox

With Eye on Fiscal Armageddon, Texas Set to 'Repatriate' Its Gold To New Texas Fort Knox
Texas wants its gold back.
On Friday, Gov. Greg Abbott signed legislation that will create a state-run gold depository in the Lone Star State – one that will attempt to rival those operated by the U.S. government inside Fort Knox and the Federal Reserve Bank of New York’s vault in lower Manhattan.

Who is your favorite Republican candidate who inherited his career from his dad?- LOLGOP

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam

Many lawmakers on Capitol Hill wore seersucker suits to work yesterday, in honor of National Seersucker Day. In a related story, ISIS is still a huge problem, you guys.- Jimmy Fallon

Putin Puffing His Chest
Russia’s president Vladimir Putin has said that Russia would add more than 40 new intercontinental ballistic missiles to its nuclear arsenal this year, a remark that is likely to increase alarm in the West.

Jeb Bush wants to convince America that it was better off in 2008 than it is in 2015. - LOLGOP

Last Sane Republican Flips
Sen. Bob Corker (R-Tenn.) has long been one of the more moderate voices within the Republican Party when it comes to the Obama administration’s nuclear negotiations with Iran. With the June 30 deadline for a deal drawing closer, Corker is changing his tune — and potentially making it even harder for the White House to sell an eventual agreement to a skeptical Capitol Hill.

Republican Shenanigans

Donald Trump does poll well in one area. 87% of pageant contestants say "He cares about people like me."- LOLGOP

Another Clown Car Addition
Donald J. Trump, the real estate mogul and reality television celebrity, announced Tuesday that he would seek the Republican presidential nomination.

Jeb Bush announces campaign slogan, 'Fool Me 3 Times.'- John Fugelsang

Do You Think This Guy Watches Fox News?
The father of a man who opened fire on Dallas police headquarters blames liberal policies for his son’s obsessive anger.

One Republican lying is a joke, all Republicans lying is a strategy. - LOLGOP

Rock The Voter News

There are reports that Hillary Clinton’s campaign is saving money by encouraging staffers to take discounted buses between New York and Washington. Not to be outdone, Bernie Sanders is actually Fed-Exing himself to every speech.- Jimmy Fallon

Trump Should Be Taken Seriously
Following Donald Trump’s rambling 52-minute presidential announcement Tuesday, NY1 anchor Errol Louis told CNN not to discount the celebrity plutocrat so quickly.

“I would caution everybody,” Louis said. “The first election I ever voted in, a long time ago, was in 1980. People said this B-movie actor, Ronald Reagan, was playing opposite a chimpanzee, he couldn’t possibly be a serious candidate for office.’ And he won the presidency — twice!”

Rachel Dolezal was able to pass as African-American for years, until NAACP colleagues were tipped off by her use of the phrase 'okie-dokey.'- John Fugelsang

With a billion dollars, a reality show and a racist conspiracy theory, you too could become a contender for the GOP presidential nomination. - LOLGOP

WARNING: Viagra Users In Columbus, Ohio
One day last August, Toledo, Ohio, residents received a stark warning from city officials: Don't drink your tap water, don't wash the dishes in it, and don't bathe your kids in it. This year, it's the people of Columbus, 150 miles to the south, who got a jolt of bad news: In a large swath of the city and its suburbs, pregnant women and babies younger than 6 months of age have been advised to avoid the tap. In a warning well-designed to titillate headline writers, another group landed on the don't-drink-the-water list: Viagra users.

Business/Tech News

I'd vote for Donald Trump just to see America tell him 'You're Impeached.'- John Fugelsang

Whaaaat?
A Republican lawmaker accidentally cast his party's first vote for the California budget in years because he was distracted by Facebook.