Just a short synopsis of my day

I feel like a million dollars after I fixed my laptop that went down last night.

The darn thing just shut down last night beeping. I tried to restart it and I would get a series of eight beeps… one beep, pause, 3 beeps, pause, 3 beeps, pause, and one beep, than nothing.

I thought the hell with it, I’m going to bed and maybe it will magically fix itself while I sleep..

This morning I got online with the purple tablet and started searching for a solution. I found that these series of beeps meant something. It meant that either my DIMM card needed to be replaced or my motherboard. Sigh.

I took a DIMM card from my old Toshiba that died in 2012 and replaced it. Sure enough my laptop starts up. Unfortunately it was in Spanish. I got back on my tablet and went to Google Translate and was able to reset my laptop to its original state.

Standing ovation, please!

On top of everything else, my landlord is moving some furniture into my apt. and they had to rearrange things. One is a wooden closet, which I need. So I have been busy dealing with that also.

I will be back online Monday with a fresh funny issue!

Deep apologies for any humor inconvenience and best wishes for a peaceful weekend.

White House On A Possible Military Takeover Of Texas: Um, No

White House On A Possible Military Takeover Of Texas: Um, No
White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest was asked to weigh in on Texas Gov. Greg Abbott's (R) request that the State Guard monitor the training exercise to ensure that Texans' "safety, constitutional rights, private property rights and civil liberties will not be infringed."
"I have no idea what he’s thinking," Earnest said




If you believe gay marriage will cause the Rapture, shouldn't you be FOR gay marriage?- Tina Dupuy

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam

• Shared battlefield goals trump ideology among Syria rebels - for now
• UN envoy urges Palestinian unity, end to Israel blockade
• North Korean leader will not visit Moscow in May - Kremlin
• North Korean diplomats cause chaos at UN event on rights
• Slideshow: Thousands from Washington D.C. to Boston protest death of Baltimore man

As America’s Best Christian™ I’m praying for all the people in Nepal.  Because sending them water and medical supplies costs money. - Mrs. Betty Bowers

Pakistan Sends Meat To Nepal's Hindus
Pakistan is being widely criticized for its show of insensitivity by sending beef to the grief stricken survivors in Nepal, who belong to Hindu religion which believes Cow as mother and a sacred animal and eating beef is most condemnable thing. Pakistan’s 'relief' of Beef Masala has turned into 'agony' for grief-stricken Nepal earthquake survivors.





Sarah Palin announces she's running for president in 2018. - Frank The Doorman Tweet

Should we take Bernie Sanders seriously? He's no birther. He's never turned on his one big bill or shut down the government. Not named Bush.- LOLGOP




Republican Shenanigans

• Rand Paul is right — toppling Saddam hurt America
• Jon Stewart Grills Judith Miller on Iraq, She Blames the Clintons
• Jindal Supports Ginsburg, Kagan Recusal From Gay Marriage Decision 
• Huckabee: The Supreme Court ‘Cannot Overrule God’ On Gay Marriage
• Has Chris Christie’s Old High School Chum Struck A Deal With The Feds?
• Texas GOP lawmaker: ‘What is going on in Baltimore’ is because of too many gay marriages

Maybe it's time Christian conservatives started caring more about innocent people being shot by cops than how working moms spend Food Stamps. - The Daily Edge

Justice Roberts Sides With Liberals
A divided Supreme Court ruled Wednesday that states can ban judicial candidates from personally asking for campaign contributions, in a decision aimed at protecting the impartiality of elected judges.




Rand Paul blames violent crime on absentee fathers.
RELATED: Rand Paul's drunk son arrested for airport assault. - The Daily Edge

People with stick figures of children on your car: How come you can peel off decals but can't roll down condoms? - Mrs. Betty Bowers





Did Jeb Bush Just Commit Political Suicide?
 Former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush declared Wednesday that 11 million immigrants in the country illegally should have an opportunity to stay, wading yet again into his party's contentious immigrant debate.

Rock The Voter News

• US official calls on Central America to address migration
• White House memos show Obama's caution on pardons
• Obama Administration Steps Back From Effort to End Federal Death Penalty 

New Crazy Drug In Florida
One man ran naked through a Florida neighborhood, tried to have sex with a tree and told police he was the mythical god Thor. Another ran nude down a busy city street in broad daylight, convinced a pack of German shepherds was pursuing him.

When do you call a white kid a thug? When you can't see his skin color under his hoodie. - Kona Lowell

Bernie Sanders' announcement for president marks the first time the word "Socialist" has ever been used correctly on Fox News.- LOLGOP

Business/Tech News

• Oil set for biggest monthly gain in nearly six years
• Exxon Beats Estimates, Despite 46% Drop In Profit
• U.S. asks India, other to go slow in boosting trade ties with Iran
• Climate Change Is Already Hurting The World’s Most Consumed Coffee Bean

The Apple watch won't work properly on some tattooed wrists. Especially ones that say "Bill Gates Rulz!"- Daily Show Tweet

It's Obama's Fault! Said No Republican About This.
Applications for U.S. jobless benefits declined last week to the lowest level in 15 years, showing employers view a first-quarter slowdown in the economy is probably temporary.




NFL will end its tax exempt status. Still maintains exemption from the laws of brain science.- Daily Show Tweet

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Odd News

• What Melissa Rivers Found Hidden in Joan Rivers' New York City Apartment
• Prosecutors: Man stuffed $300 bribe into city worker's pants
• Video reveals 2 bra bandits in latest mall lingerie heist
• Man turns in $1 million lottery ticket _ dusted with flour
• San Diego man recovering after sea lion yanked him overboard

Time To Deflate Photo

A closeup of a hummingbird.

Peace.

Clinton: Baltimore shows justice system 'out of balance'

Clinton: Baltimore shows justice system 'out of balance'
Pointing to a wave of violence in Baltimore, Hillary Rodham Clinton said Wednesday that the nation's criminal justice system has gotten "out of balance" and must be restored through steps such as the use of body cameras by every police department in the country.




Hillary Clinton has temporarily changed her campaign logo to rainbow colors in support of marriage equality. Of course, her idea of marriage equality is both of you should get to be president.- Seth Myers

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam

• Marshall Islands needs U.S. help in Iran cargo ship standoff
• Heavy fighting in Yemen, Saudi Arabia trains tribal fighters
• Gulf states must allow Nepali workers to return after quake: trade union
• US, Japan widen defense ties in historic sea change
• Baltimore protester’s creepy arrest on live TV prompts concerns of ‘blackbag kidnapping’
• Veteran Canadian reporter: I’m white and ‘America’s police now frighten me’

The Russians Are Coming...Out Of The Sky
An unmanned Russian spacecraft loaded with supplies for the International Space Station is spinning out of control and may already be plunging toward Earth, according to Russian news reports.

Bruce Jenner declared he is a woman and a Republican. In other words, the GOP finally found someone who might be able to beat Hillary.- Jimmy Fallon




Republican Shenanigans

• Florida GOP lawmakers split, end session abruptly with no budget
• Look who's speaking Spanish: It's the 2016 Republicans
• Corker Nixes the GOP’s Budget as ‘Monkey Business’
• Elisabeth Hasselbeck: ‘In God We Trust’ is good motto for public schools because it’s on money
• Governor orders Texas Guard to stop US troops from imposing martial law during Jade Helm 15 exercise
• GOP Measure Would Make It Harder For Obama To Empty Guantanamo
• Donald Trump slams 'African American President' on Baltimore riots

Donald Trump is so racist his crucifixes burned themselves.- John Fugelsang

Iowa Racist
On a spring evening in Perry, Iowa, a chorus of kindergarteners were about to take the stage. Adults began the program with introductions, first in English, then in Spanish. During the Spanish remarks, a man from the crowd began shouting, “USA, English only. USA, English only,” disrupting the concert.




If the Supreme Court removes gay marriage as an issue for 2016, Republican candidates will have to start talking about banning electricity and soap.- Andy Borowitz

Rock The Voter News

• House Dems bolster Obama veto threat
• Sen. Bernie Sanders, the latest presidential hopeful, issues dire warning to Alabama

Bernie Sanders is infinitely more rational and qualified than all of the GOP 2016 candidates combined, which is why the press mocks him.- LOLGOP

Rand Paul thinks the Baltimore riots are the result of kids growing up without the benefit of a father to gift them a presidential campaign. - LOLGOP

Business/Tech News

• Oil May Push Past $100 a Barrel in 2016: Hofmeister
• 5 Things Halliburton Company's Management Is Seeing in the Oil Market
• US economy stumbles in first-quarter as weather, low energy prices weigh
• SEC proposal could aim more light at CEO pay

We have weird standards. Conservatives blew the surplus then cost us 8 million jobs and politicians aren't ashamed be called conservatives.- LOLGOP

Pope Francis On Salary Gap
Pope Francis on Wednesday made an impassioned plea for an end to the salary gap between men and women, calling it "a scandal" that Christians should decisively reject.




A new study reveals that one-third of babies in the U.S. have used a smartphone. Yeah, and one-third of babies in China have MADE a smartphone.- Conan O'Brien

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Odd News

• University Of Florida Frat Shut Down For Harassing Military Veterans
• Antarctica's Mysterious 'Blood Falls' Explained In New Study
• Brewers tasked with turning sewage into suds
• Professor in Texas fails entire class, school says no way -report
• Barn owl halts removal of 41-foot nutcracker in Oregon park
• Fox Makes a Sandwich in Chernobyl

Time To Deflate Photo

Phi Phi Island, Thailand.

Peace.