This Is What Republican Control Of Congress Looks Like

This Is What Republican Control Of Congress Looks Like
For John Boehner and Mitch McConnell, the honeymoon is over.
The 114th Congress was supposed to be a Golden Era for the Republicans to flex their muscle in the twilight of Barack Obama's presidency with their largest congressional majority in generations.





Poll: Americans Divided Over What Wild Animal They Would Like To See Congress Mauled By. - Andy Borowitz

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam

• NY Man Allegedly Offered To 'Shoot Obama' In Cheerful Message To ISIL
• Suicide bomb strikes top NATO envoy team in Afghanistan
• 'Jihadi John' from Islamic State beheading videos unmasked as Londoner
• Ukraine crisis prompts German debate on restocking military
• U.S. deserter needs Iraq war crimes evidence to be refugee: EU court

Congress' Approval Rating No Longer Detectable by Current Technology. - Andy Borowitz

www.internetweekly.org 

Bill O'Reilly Lied About Nuns?
For the second time in as many days, Media Matters for America on Wednesday released a report detailing "an apparent fabrication" by O'Reilly.
The latest round of scrutiny is over a claim by O'Reilly that he witnessed the murder of nuns in El Salvador.






Bill O'Reilly fans agree- a lie isn't a lie if it makes you feel good.- John Fugelsang

My favorite story in the Bible is when Jesus fed 5,000 by passing out bootstraps and telling them to get a job.- LOLGOP




Meanwhile, Back In Gaza
The rebuilding of homes, schools and hospitals in Gaza could take more than a century to complete unless an Israeli blockade restricting imports of construction materials into the Gaza Strip is lifted...




Conservatism. The civil rights movement for people who already have all the rights.- LOLGOP

Republican Shenanigans

• Sarah Palin is selling $35 'I Stand With Bibi' T-shirts
• Nevada Republican says cancer is a fungus you can flush out with salt water
• Rand Paul slams Clinton: Benghazi 'preclude[s] her from even being considered for higher office'
• GOP may need House Dems to help resolve DHS funding impasse

Republicans Unlearning Facts Learned in Third Grade to Compete in Primary. - Andy Borowitz

Trump For Prez!!! Yawn.
Businessman Donald Trump is ramping up efforts for a 2016 presidential run, adding to a growing pool of potential Republican candidates, the Washington Post reported on Wednesday.






Why is John Boehner's job security more important than our nation's homeland security?- Frank Sharry Tweet

Rock The Voter News

• Green groups divided on Hillary Clinton's oil interest ties

Dems. VOTE!
President Barack Obama urged Americans frustrated with the lack of progress on immigration reform to voice their discontent at the ballot box, lamenting the dismal turnout in last November's midterm elections.

DEAL FOR GOP:
We'll build a pipe for Canada's oil if we get Canada's universal health care, same-sex marriage & zero reproductive restrictions.- LOLGOP

Poll: Americans Favor Legalizing Pot and Criminalizing Congress- Andy Borowitz




Business/Tech News

• Consumer Prices Plunge 0.7 Percent on Cheaper Gas Costs
• Jobless claims surge 31000 to 313000
• U.S. refinery strike continues with no steps toward settlement
• Morgan Stanley to pay $2.6 bln to settle mortgage-bond claims

A new CBS News poll shows Chris Christie is ranked ninth out of all Republican presidential candidates. He's just behind Bobby Jindal and just ahead of a gun wearing a cowboy hat.- Seth Myers




Google Invests In Solar Projects
 SolarCity Corp on Thursday said it created a $750 million fund to finance about 25,000 residential solar projects, with Google Inc investing nearly half the funding.

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Odd News

• Facebook conspiracy theorists fooled by even the most obvious anti-science trolling: study
• God Bless This Great Nation: Four More Years of the Kardashians
• Hungarian village for rent, comes with deputy mayor's post
• Shares of South Korean contraceptive makers surge after court scraps adultery ban
• NYC trucker accused of avoiding toll with device inspired by James Bond

Time To Deflate Photo

Birling Gap, East Sussex, England. I don't think this is suitable for cliff diving.

Peace.

Nat'l Security Adviser: Netanyahu's Speech 'Destructive' To US-Israel Relations

Nat'l Security Adviser: Netanyahu's Speech 'Destructive' To US-Israel Relations
National Security Adviser Susan Rice on Tuesday sharply criticized Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu's planned address to the U.S. Congress as "destructive" to U.S.-Israeli relations.




BREAKING: Bill O'Reilly won't attend Benjamin Netanyahu's speech to Congress but he will say he did.- LOLGOP

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam

• Islamic State seize 100 Iraqi tribesmen before battle for Tikrit
• U.S.-led coalition stages 15 airstrikes against Islamic State: statement
• Iran's Guard attacks mock US carrier in drills near strait
• First day with no troops killed under Ukraine truce
• Republicans Propose Declaring Idaho A 'Christian State'
• Killer of 'American Sniper' Kyle sentenced to life in prison
• Netanyahu Invites Arab Diplomats to His Big Speech—and Gets Rejected

Republicans moan about Obama's #KeystoneXL veto
RELATED: Republicans continue to block Obama's plan to fix America's 70,000 unsafe bridges.
 - The Daily Edge

Jon Stewart's Take On Billo
Jon Stewart started off Tuesday's edition of "The Daily Show" with a heavy heart, reporting on questions surrounding the integrity of his favorite sparring partner, Fox News host Bill O'Reilly.

Look, if Obama were any kind of man he'd patrol the border and fight off terrorists himself instead of using all those agents and troops. - Tea Party Cat

Republican Shenanigans

• Joe Scarborough Defends Bill O'Reilly: 'He Was In The Falklands!'
• West Virginia GOPers Want To Make Enforcing Obamacare A Felony
• Barbara Boxer Shreds Giuliani: Go Ask Bin Laden If Obama 'Loves America'
• Poll: Only 11 Percent Of Republicans Say Obama Loves America
• CPAC Website Apparently Mixed Up Two Black Republicans

There's now more diversity in Apple emojis than in the Senate.- John Fugelsang

Isn't This In Violation Of The Constitution? Sure It Is!
An Idaho Republican said a proposed ban on faith-healing could violate the religious rights of her constituents – many of whom eschew medical care for themselves and their families.

George Bush: 'God told me to end the tyranny in Iraq'

The Dumber They Are, The Harder They Fall
Forty-nine percent of Republicans don't believe in evolution, a new Public Policy Polling survey found Tuesday.
The poll by the Democratic-leaning firm found that 49 percent of Republicans said they do not believe in evolution while 37 percent said they do believe in evolution. Another 13 percent said they were not sure.






Alaska news update:
Marijuana now legal.
Sarah Palin speeches still unintelligible.- The Daily Edge

Boehner Takes Mulligan. Hands Ball To Senate
U.S. House of Representatives Speaker John Boehner on Wednesday called on counterparts in the Senate to act on legislation to fund the Department of Homeland Security, which could face a partial shutdown unless the congressional funding fight is resolved by Friday.





Rock The Voter News

• Obama vetoes Keystone but pipeline will still get built
• Obama Nominates 1st US Ambassador to Somalia Since 1991  
• Prosecute Torturers and Their Bosses

Death By A 1000 Self Inflicted Cuts
As Bill O’Reilly continues on the warpath against those reporting on whether he embellished his combat experience, new allegations have emerged that the Fox News anchor lied about being present at a suicide in Florida.

Leading Republicans express concern that shutting down Homeland Security will tarnish the credibility of their next 17 #Benghazi hearings.- The Daily Edge

A theater in Colorado accidentally played “Fifty Shades of Grey” instead of “The SpongeBob Movie” to a theater filled with children. Which explains its new name: SpongeBob NoPants.- Jimmy Fallon

Business/Tech News

• Russia's Putin Threatens To Cut Off Shipment Of Gas Supplies To Ukraine
• Greek leader faces criticism on austerity concessions
• Without Williams, NBC's 'Nightly News' widens lead
• Russia will keep its pieces of the International Space Station in orbit

New Homes On The Rise
Sales of new homes in the U.S. avoided a winter dip in January, with prospects growing for a surge in demand as spring approaches.

I basically have three hair styles: - Straight - Wavy - Homeless. - how about no tweet

I'm a morning person. Don't shoot!

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Odd News

• Fireballs spotted over western US as Chinese rocket burns up
• Police: Bus aide stole lunch money, food from preschoolers
• Refracted rays from Nutella jar blamed for UK house fire
• Massachusetts man selling, shipping snow from his yard
• Snowboarding With A Lamborghini Looks As Bizarre As It Sounds

Time To Deflate Photo

Krabi, Thailand. The snorkeling must be fantastic!

Peace.

Bill O'Reilly threatens N.Y. Times reporter

Bill O'Reilly threatens N.Y. Times reporter

Fox News host Bill O'Reilly threatened a New York Times reporter on Monday night, promising to come after the reporter "with everything I have" if he felt that any of the reporter's coverage about his Falklands war controversy was inappropriate.

If Bill O'Reilly gets discredited enough, Fox News will just use him as its "liberal."- LOLGOP

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam

• Iraq officials: Bombings kill 15 people in, near Baghdad
• Islamic State in Syria abducts at least 90 from Christian villages: monitor
• Gunmen in Afghanistan halt buses, seize 30 passengers
• Egypt denies civilian deaths in airstrikes on Libya
• Ukraine rebels say they withdrawing weapons; Kiev doubtful

GOP: If Obama loved America, he'd put more troops at risk and duplicate the strategy that created ISIS in the first place.- LOLGOP

UFD's (Unidentified Flying Drones): Spotted Over Paris
 At least five drones were spotted flying over central Paris landmarks during the night and police were unable to catch the operators, sources close to the probe said on Tuesday.





If you're unfairly called racist for criticizing Obama you now know how it felt to be called UnAmerican for criticizing W.- John Fugelsang

Burning Down The Library In Mosul
While the world was watching the Academy Awards ceremony, the people of Mosul were watching a different show. They were horrified to see ISIS members burn the Mosul public library. Among the many thousands of books it housed, more than 8,000 rare old books and manuscripts were burned.





Republican Shenanigans

• CBS Has Released The Falklands Protest Footage Bill O'Reilly Asked For. It Doesn't Support His Claims.
• Bill O’Reilly told different accounts of encounter at gunpoint in Argentina
• Conservatives complain there were too many black people at the ‘racist’ Oscars
• In unusual twist, presidential race is revving up in Texas
• Lawmaker with lavish decor billed private planes, concerts

Clearly Obama has bungled George W. Bush's great victories in Afghanistan and Iraq, so who better to win them back again than Jeb Bush?- Tea Party Cat

Red State Turns Green
On Tuesday, Alaska became the first red state to legally allow the possession, gifting, and growing of marijuana.

The legal change comes after Alaska voters in November approved a ballot initiative that fully legalized marijuana in the northernmost state. 




Skipping over stories about Jeb Bush's wife because I'm sure the GOP won't have anything to say about the Democratic nominee's spouse.- LOLGOP

Rock The Voter News

• Obama faces left-right opposition on trade, military force 
• Giuliani backs off attack on Obama's patriotism 

GOP Arguing On How To Shut Down DHS
 Divided Republicans are searching for a way out of an impasse over immigration that is threatening to shut down the Homeland Security Department within days.

This week Wal-Mart announced that it will increase its employees' hourly wages by 40 percent. Workers are pretty excited because they'll finally make enough money to shop at Target. - Jimmy Fallon

While Republicans are mad at Obama for refusing to call terrorists Islamic, I am mad at Obama for refusing to call Republicans assholes.- Andy Borowitz

Secret Tunnel In Toronto?
A sophisticated tunnel has been discovered near a major sporting venue and a university in Toronto, reports said Monday, with Canada on edge over the threat of possible extremist attacks.




Business/Tech News

• Oil back below $50 as OPEC hopes fade
• Oil slump threatens easy life of affluent Norwegians
• Euro zone backs Greek reform plan, 4-month aid extension
• Comcast, Al Sharpton Hit With $20 Billion Racial Discrimination Lawsuit

The FCC has delayed the decision on the Time/Warner Comcast merger. So how do you think those folks like being put on hold?- David Letterman




Nyet To Polish Cheese
The Russian consumer watchdog Rospotrebnadzor said on Monday it had suspended all imports of cheese from Poland due to irregularities in "normative requirements".

Wife: It says here on this website, women use over 70% more words than men.

Husband: Really. - Jokeblogger.com

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Odd News

• CT scan finds mummified monk inside 1,000-year-old Buddha
• Bank robbery suspect arrested after stopping for coffee
• Castrogiovanni to miss Scotland match after dog bites nose
• About 20 manatees rescued from Florida storm drain
• Purple UFO Interrupts Peru TV Show

Time To Deflate Photo

An Alpaca near the world's tallest active volcano, Cotopaxi in Ecuador.

Peace.