Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Just shoot me.

Here I was just zooming along putting together today's edition and WHAM. The skies opened up again and shut down my Internet access. My girlfriend called me to say that the bridge is shut down on the road to my apartment because water is flowing over it. Ay yi yi.

The good news is, I will have this edition out in the morning tomorrow.

I am so sorry for any humor inconvenience.

I send good vibes to Canada and the crisis they faced today.


Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Elementary School Throws Ebola Tantrum over Two Kids from Rwanda

Elementary School Throws Ebola Tantrum over Two Kids from Rwanda
Two elementary school children are being kept from attending Howard Yocum Elementary School in New Jersey because they recently moved to the U.S. from Rwanda, prompting Ebola fears from other parents — even though Rwanda is 2,600 miles from the west African region afflicted by the Ebola outbreak.

America is making up for overreacting to Ebola by continuing our tradition of under-reacting to climate change, inequality and gun violence.- LOLGOP

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam


Rand vs Rand vs Ebola
When it comes to dealing with Ebola in the United States, former Congressman Ron Paul (R) and his son, Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY), don’t see eye to eye.

Next up on Fox News: President Obama casts his ballot in Chicago, but lives in Washington. Should he be impeached for voter fraud? - Top Conservative Cat

Republican Shenanigans

Looks Like We're Going Back In Time
The likelihood of a Republican Senate takeover continues to increase with all three major election models giving the GOP at least a six in ten probability of winning the six seats the party needs to win take back control.

One more day without a new Ebola case and Fox News is going to have to infect Alan Colmes or Bob Beckel.- LOLGOP

I am not sure if this is an actual quote by Rick Perry...but it's funny!

Papa Bush Mad At Democrat Who Worked For Him
Former President George H.W. Bush released a statement Monday expressing displeasure about his cameo in one of Democratic Georgia Senate candidate Michelle Nunn's campaign ads.

In the ad, Nunn responded to her Republican opponent David Perdue's criticism of a photo of her posing with President Barack Obama by bringing up her previous work with Bush.

"It was taken at an event honoring President Bush, who I worked for as CEO of his Points of Light Foundation," Nunn said of the photo with Obama.

ISIS is smuggling ebola coated vibrators from Mexico into all the abortion clinics being built inside the public schools.- Lizz Winstead

Rock The Voter News

Rwanda Reacts To New Jersey School Banning Rwandan Kids
The east African nation of Rwanda is now screening all visitors who have traveled to the United States ...

President Obama was out playing golf today. He hit one tee shot 250 yards. Even golf balls are trying to distance themselves from him.- David Letterman

 Click here for The Charmed Time

Here's how the new mobile payment system works. If you so much as even glance at an Apple product, Apple Pay automatically deducts the full amount from your checking account.- Jimmy Kimmel

Business/Tech News

Whoever said "live like there's no tomorrow" probably owned a credit card company.- John Fugelsang

Irish Millionaires Increase
Despite the fact that most Irish households are still struggling with the after-effects of seven austerity budgets - not to mind the imminent imposition of water charges - soaring property prices mean that Ireland experienced one of the fastest growth rates in household wealth in the past year.

TSA Chief John Pistole announced that he is stepping down. So whoever takes his place is going to have some pretty big shoes to take off.- Jimmy Fallon



Odd News

Time To Deflate Photo


Monday, October 20, 2014

China's attitude of Hong Kong Protesters

After clashes, Hong Kong students, government stand their ground before talks
Hong Kong students and the government stood their ground on Monday ahead of talks aimed at defusing more than three weeks of pro-democracy protests that have blocked traffic around the Chinese-controlled city, but expectations of a breakthrough were low.

U.S. Assures Hong Kong That Their Protest Just One Of Many Issues White House Staying Silent On- The Onion

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam

I understand the raw politics of calling for an Ebola travel ban. But people have to be able to fly in and out of Texas.- LOLGOP

Kerry Looking For Support From Largest Muslim Population
 US Secretary of State John Kerry on Monday visited Indonesia, home to the world's biggest Muslim population, to press Southeast Asian nations to step up efforts in the fight against the Islamic State (IS) group.

GOP demands include an investigation into how 2 people got Ebola and absolutely no investigation into why 30,000 die a year from gun shots.- LOLGOP

Republican Shenanigans

Supremes OK Texas Messing With Their Voters
For the first time in three decades, the Supreme Court will allow a law possibly restricting voting rights to stand, at least temporarily, despite a lower federal court’s ruling to the contrary.

Texas. Where it's easier to get Ebola than it is to vote :(    - LOLGOP

The GOP is making a convincing case we must fight Ebola by electing the guys who want to leave medical research to the Duck Dynasty guys.- LOLGOP

Rock The Voter News

Cruz Delays Surgeon General Nominee 'Cause He Ain't A Gun Lover
Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) on Sunday accused President Barack Obama's pick for surgeon general of not being a "health care professional" because the doctor had backed a ban on military-style assault rifles.

My doctor told me that I should avoid being shot by a gun. I was sad to inform him that he can now never be Surgeon General. - LOLGOP

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Puerto Rican Republicans In Florida?
How a surge in Puerto Rican voters is changing Florida politics.
They may lean Democratic, but many —especially the newcomers —are 'up for grabs'

We've had cases of #Ebola in Germany, too, but we'd never blame Chancellor Merkel 4 it! I find you Americans hilariously ridiculous!- Sandra L├Ągel tweet

Business/Tech News

Ebolaghazi Never Took Hold In Dallas Much To Fox News' Disappointment
Texas health officials say 120 people are still being monitored for possible infection with Ebola because they may have had contact with one of the three people who got the disease in Dallas.

Officials said Monday that 43 of 48 people on an original watch list had passed the 21-day incubation period for the viral disease and are now in the clear.

In America in 2014 if you work hard, follow the rules, and choose rich enough parents, you too can achieve the American Dream!- Top Conservative Cat


Big thanks to Archie and Tim and everyone who donated!

I ordered a 9" Google tablet. It should arrive sometime between November and December, depending on customs.


Odd News

Time To Deflate Photo

Comet Siding Spring (shown here in an artist's concept) flew by Mars on Oct. 19, 2014, coming with 87,000 miles of the Red Planet. 
Credit: NASA


Friday, October 17, 2014

Obama appoints Ebola czar; Texas health worker isolated on ship

Obama appoints Ebola czar; Texas health worker isolated on ship
resident Barack Obama appointed an Ebola czar for the United States on Friday, and the government said a Texas health worker who may have had contact with specimens from an Ebola patient was isolated on a cruise ship.

So small town sheriff departments have tanks and sound cannons but a hospital in Dallas doesn't have hazmat suits?- Tina Dupuy

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam

A new poll shows that only a slim majority of Americans think the country is prepared for an Ebola outbreak. But I think we deal with outbreaks pretty well. It only took us a couple of months to completely eradicate Gangnam Style.- Seth Myers

U.S. Ebola Fighters Headed To Liberia
Some 65 U.S. medical personnel will arrive in the next week or so to staff a U.S.-military built hospital in Liberia that will treat healthcare workers who contract Ebola, a centrepiece of U.S. efforts to fight the epidemic, a top general said Thursday.

During an interview, Senator John McCain declared that the U.S. isn't winning the war against ISIS. Even ISIS said, “Well, not with THAT attitude.”- Jimmy Fallon

Republican Shenanigans

First Republican who says the Ebola cruise ship shouldn't be allowed to return to America wins a date with Ted Cruz.- LOLGOP

Conservative Actor Bids Adieu To GOP 
Hollywood is often portrayed by conservatives as a liberal paradise. Even though it’s true that many actors and actresses have liberal views, there are a few who are right at home in the GOP. Unfortunately for the Republican Party, Robert Duvall is no longer one of them.
Actor Robert Duvall exits the Republican Party, stage left


America. Where the millionaires are jealous of the people on food stamps. - LOLGOP

Karl Rove and Chemical Weapons
There’s one man, some Republicans say, who kept the public from learning about the chemical shells littered around Iraq. He was Bush's most important political adviser.
Starting in 2004, some members of the George W. Bush administration and Republican lawmakers began to find evidence of discarded chemical weapons in Iraq. But when the information was brought up with the White House, senior adviser Karl Rove told them to “let these sleeping dogs lie.”

Rock The Voter News

Another Cocaine Casualty: Biden's Son
The son of U.S. Vice President Joe Biden has been discharged from the military, reportedly after testing positive for cocaine.

A running back for the Dallas Cowboys was arrested for shoplifting $123 worth of underpants and cologne. He was planning a big night out, I guess. I'm sure the NFL is thinking to themselves, "Oh, thank God it was just shoplifting."- David Letterman

And Now A Word From America's Top Evangelical Scientist
TV  preacher Pat Robertson warned his viewers this week that they needed to be careful when traveling to African countries like Kenya because “the towels could have AIDS.”

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We're actually having an election to see which 435 Americans get a two-year taxpayer-funded vacation.- LOLGOP

Remember when Ebola killed thousands of Americans and Obama wouldn't even mention it?  Oh wait, that was AIDS and Reagan.  Carry on, FOX.- John Fugelsang

Armchair Ebola Quarterbacks Get Sidelined
The sight of a man with a clipboard standing near medical personel clad head-to-toe in hazmat gear was unusual enough to have many people wondering who he was. But the medical agency behind Ebola patient Amber Vinson’s transport said his presence wasn’t strange at all.

There's a type of American who learned nothing last decade, just got louder, dumber, angrier & meaner.  I call them 'The Illiteratti.'- John Fugelsang

If the Palins had just waited a few weeks they could've blamed their dysfunctional family brawl on gay marriage in Alaska.- John Fugelsang

Business/Tech News

3D Printer Building Homes For The Homeless
Nearly one billion people around the globe are homeless or live in substandard housing. In the era of 3D printing, some have addressed this crisis through quickly built concrete buildings. While this method would create a secure dwelling, delivering the raw materials and bulky printer increases the cost significantly, reducing its feasibility. The Italian 3D printing company WASP may have solved this problem by developing an easily-transportable machine that can quickly create dwellings out of mud and natural fibers—materials already available where the houses will be built.

If the US was a 'Christian Nation' people would vote to help the poor and let private charities bail out Wall Street. - JohnFugelsang


Backup Laptop Fundraiser

Thank you Clay and Joel. The fund is up to $250! All Hatters are the best!


Odd News

Time To Deflate Photo

Rio Celeste, Costa Rica.