I'll be back on Friday

 The MyGutterGuys are busy installing my gutters and other construction needs.

Side note: I was contacted by the local medic here about receiving the vaccine in the near future. He was verifying my address and will contact me asap. Nice service, eh?

Not to leave you empty-handed, here are a few laughs.

Ron Johnson Calls Hillary’s Absence from Insurrection Videos Suspicious. - Andy Borowitz

 

 

Merrick Garland has vowed to target white supremacists, and for a change it is not to give them Medals of Freedom. - Stephen Colbert

 

 

Whenever I need cheering up, I think of Ivanka sobbing weakly as the gravy train derails. - Middle Age Riot

 

 

Thank you for visiting.

Peace and love.

Hawley Bristles When Asked About Criticism He's Complicit in Capitol Riots: 'Outrageous ... Utter Lie'

Hawley Bristles When Asked About Criticism He's Complicit in Capitol Riots: 'Outrageous ... Utter Lie'

Senator Josh Hawley has come under serious criticism in the weeks following the riots at the Capitol building, particularly over his continuing to raise objections to the election results even after the riots.

I wonder if there is enough space in the federal prison system to house all these congressional insurrectionists.

Remember, most of the ppl blaming the federal government for everything just spent 4 years not blaming the federal government for anything. - John Fugelsang

 

The World Is A Safer Place Without Republicans

• FBI Seized Congressional Cellphone Records Related to Capitol Attack
• Biden mourns 500000 dead, balancing nation's grief and hope
• DC police chief stunned by 'reluctance' to deploy Guard during Jan. 6 attack
• Collins: Biden's $1.9 trillion coronavirus package won't get any GOP votes in Senate
• Dr. Fauci Says Trump's 'Denial and Lack of Facts' Contributed to Magnitude of U.S. Covid Death Toll
• Mnuchin expected to launch investment fund seeking backing from Persian Gulf region: report
• Ted Cruz uncorks profane rant on neighbors who leaked chats about Cancun vacation plans
  
  

Ted Cruz left his dog behind on his ill fated Mexico trip, but before you feel sorry for the dog, remember the dog got to spend two days away from Cruz. - Stephen Colbert

 

Clarence Thomas Reminds Me Of The Black Butler in Django Unchained
Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas wrote a dissent after the high court refused to hear a Republican challenge to a Pennsylvania state court decision that extended the deadline to receive mail-in ballots in last November's election -- which once again raised questions about his wife's activism ahead of the Jan. 6 insurrection.

Hello to everyone who did not have to give up their tax returns to the Manhattan District Attorney. - Aaron Parnas tweet

 

 

Republican Shenanigans

• NBC's Michael Beschloss Likens Sen. Josh Hawley to Joseph McCarthy for 'Menacing' Gesture
• Ron Johnson Promotes Conspiracy Theory During Senate Hearing Blaming ‘Fake Trump Protesters’: They ‘Probably Planned This’
• Capitol Security Officers Take Wrecking Ball to False Claims at Senate Hearing: This Was a Planned, Coordinated Attack
• Tucker Carlson Complains About Merrick Garland’s Pledge to Prosecute White Supremacists in Capitol Attack
• Trump to attend RNC spring donor summit
• Replyin' Ted': Cruz Gets Pilloried for Checking His Phone During Senate Hearing on Capitol Riot

Are some republicans a little nervous hearing that Garland will fully investigate anyone involved in the January 6th insurrection?  - Mama C2 tweet

 

 

Will George Clooney Expose Jim Jordan? Damn Straight.

George Clooney and Grant Heslov's Smokehouse Pictures will produce a docuseries about a decades-long abuse scandal in the athletic department at Ohio State University.

The series, which hasn't found an outlet yet, is based on an October 2020 Sports Illustrated story by Jon Wertheim, which detailed a long list of allegations against former Ohio State sports doctor Richard Strauss and university officials' lack of response. 

Marjorie Taylor Greene Questions Whether Merrick Garland Will Use His Lasers For Good. - Andy Borowitz

 

 

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Merrick Garland Glad He Never Got Meetings With Republican Senators Given What Assholes They Are. - Andy Borowitz

Rock The Voter News

• President Joe Biden Headed To Texas Friday To See Winter Storm Damage
• Buttigieg could 'feel the history swirling' when Kamala Harris swore him in
• AOC criticizes Manchin over apparent targeting of Biden’s nominees of color
• Cuomo job approval drops 6 points amid nursing home controversy: poll

Americans Favor Eleven Dollars An Hour For Joe Manchin. - Andy Borowitz

Negligent Homiciders Gather In Florida. I Made Up The Word, Homiciders. 

South Dakota Gov. Kristi Noem (R) will gladhand with Republican donors at President Trump’s Mar-a-Lago resort next month amid speculation that she plans to run for president in 2024.

A source familiar with the matter confirmed to The Hill that Donald Trump Jr. and his girlfriend Kimberly Guilfoyle will host the fundraiser for Noem’s gubernatorial campaign on March 5 at the Palm Beach resort.

A million years ago I worked for Enron and I tried to explain the business model to my dad and when I was done he said “that sounds like check kiting” and I rolled my eyes because DADS and I figured I hadn’t explained it correctly but it turns out I nailed it. - Deborah Scaramastra tweet

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Business/Tech News

• Should the rich pay for the pandemic? Argentina thinks so. Other countries are taking a look.
• The Met Considers Selling Its Art To Stave Off Financial Shortfall
• MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell says he's losing $65 million over election-fraud claims and it proves he's not pushing conspiracy theories for the money

MyPillow Guy Offers To Settle Lawsuit By Giving Dominion Voting Systems Free Mattress Topper. - Andy Borowitz

If I ever have another kid, I’m gonna name them Amazon so they don’t have to pay taxes. - The Hoarse Whisperer

The Texas Shakedown
In Spring, Texas, about 20 miles (32 km) north of Houston, Akilah Scott-Amos is staring down a more than $11,000 electric bill for this month, a far cry from her $34 bill at this time last year.

"If you don't know the guy on the other side of the world, love him anyway because he's just like you. He has the same dreams, the same hopes and fears. It's one world, pal. We're all neighbors." - Frank Sinatra

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Odd News

• Mt Etna's latest eruptions awe even those who study volcanos
• Kangaroo painted over 17,000 years ago is Australia's oldest known rock art, scientists say
• Russian tanker cuts a previously impossible path through the warming Arctic
• 'It'll take decades to clean': oil spill ravages east Mediterranean
• Yale scientists repair injured spinal cord using patients' own stem cells
• Seal spotted wandering down sidewalk half a mile from the ocean

Time To Deflate Photo

Mother Nature has quite a sense of humor.

Peace.

Supreme Court declines to shield Trump's tax returns from Manhattan DA

Supreme Court declines to shield Trump's tax returns from Manhattan DA

The Supreme Court on Monday rebuffed a bid by former President Trump to shield his tax returns and other financial records from a New York grand jury subpoena.

Trump Regrets Not Naming Ivanka, Eric, and Don, Jr., to Supreme Court. - Andy Borowitz

 

The World Is A Safer Place Without Republicans

• Fauci Delivers Blunt Assessment of U.S. Coronavirus Death Toll: 'We've Done Worse Than Most Any Other Country'
• 'I'm Over Dr. Fauci': Meghan McCain Calls For Top Coronavirus Expert to Be Fired
• Trump Offered Kim Jong Un a Flight on Air Force One After Summit, Former Official Says

What is happening in Myanmar is what would be going on right now had Trump been successful on 1/6. - Tim Hannan 

 

The U.N. Human Rights Council Needs To Add Republicans To This List

White supremacist and other far-right hate groups are becoming a "transnational threat" that requires "global coordinated action," the U.N.'s secretary-general said Monday.

“White supremacy and neo-Nazi movements are more than domestic terror threats. They are becoming a transnational threat,” Antonio Guterres told the U.N. Human Rights Council

I have no idea what Joe Biden did all weekend and it's f*cking glorious. - Jeff Tiedrich

 

Republican Shenanigans

• Texas Republican criticizes Cruz for Cancun trip: 'When a crisis hits my state, I'm there'
• Mariachi band performs at Ted Cruz’s home amid Mexico trip backlash
• Kudlow Laments Trump’s Election Attacks: A Number of Us in Admin Were ‘Disappointed’ in Him
• Florida official tells offices to disregard DeSantis order to lower flags in Limbaugh's honor
• Mike Pence Reportedly Declines CPAC Invitation, Director of Conference Calls it a 'Mistake'
• Supreme Court turns down Stormy Daniels's defamation suit against Trump
• Donald Trump Jr. Blasts Twitter Over False Claims He Called Texas Governor Abbott a Democrat
• Donald Trump Jr. Defends Ted Cruz Cancun Trip, Says Texas Crisis 'A Governor's Job'
• ‘It feels like a threat’: Trump Jr uses wall of guns as backdrop for video attacking teacher unions

Cocaine just checked into rehab to get off of Don Jr. - The USA Singers tweet

 

Republicans Are Pulling Every Magic Trick To Ignore Climate Change

Republicans are taking aim at the Biden administration’s decision to rejoin of the Paris climate agreement, introducing long-shot legislation on Monday aiming to undercut it.

Sen. Steve Daines (R-Mont.) is introducing a resolution expressing the sentiment that the agreement qualifies as a treaty and should be sent to the Senate for approval. 

When Trump is criminally charged, his passport should be confiscated so he can’t flee the country. - Jon Cooper

 

Republicans Should Be Careful What They Wish For

Republicans are pushing Merrick Garland, President Joe Biden’s attorney general nominee, to commit to allowing federal prosecutors to press on with politically sensitive investigations into the Department of Justice probe of Donald Trump's ties to Russia and into the business affairs of Biden’s son, Hunter.

Texans Would Rather Not Have Water If It Means Talking To Ted Cruz. - Andy Borowitz

 

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New York Prosecutors Demand That Giuliani Be Trump’s Lawyer. - Andy Borowitz

Rock The Voter News

• Biden to Mourn 500,000 U.S. Covid Deaths With Candle Lighting Ceremony on Monday
• Biden administration won't use Trump-era citizenship test
• House Democrats demand answers on TV 'misinformation rumor mills'
• Obama, Springsteen launch eight-episode podcast

When is Merrick Garland going to cry and talk about how much he loves beer? - Hamish Mitchell

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Business/Tech News

• Yellen: $1,400 stimulus payments would help people in 'pockets of misery'
• Boris Johnson sets target for UK's full economic reopening in June
• 500 kilos of cocaine in container destined for Spain seized in Costa Rica
• Costa Rica is keeping its land borders closed to tourists in March

For four years Trump got away with lying hour after hour, day after day, degrading the capacity of millions and millions to know the truth. Now Republicans are continuing to get TV bookings to lie about the election, a sign of media failure that must stop.- Michael Beschloss

 

My Pillow Guy May Lose All His Pillows
Dominion Voting Systems is suing MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell for $1.3 billion in damages, alleging the pillow salesman defamed the company with his false claims about the 2020 presidential election.

My Pillow Guy Seen Weeping Into His Pillow. - Andy Borowitz

 

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Odd News

• Glasses-wearers up to three times less likely to catch coronavirus, study suggests
• National Spelling Bee returning with limited, mostly virtual format
• Bomb squad finds 'suspicious package' contained cat, six newborn kittens
• Victorian house moved six blocks on hydraulic dolly in San Francisco
• Ontario woman completes 40,320-piece jigsaw puzzle in 150 hours

Time To Deflate Photo

Super girthy Baobab tree. All of us in quarantine understand, Mr. Baobab tree.

Peace.